Those of you wondering if I was going to say something about Tyrese and his fu- uh, foolishness, I did. Over at my Ebony column:
Late last week, singer, actor, author and now director, Tyrese Gibson, said something interesting. When asked by AllHipHop if he felt any kind of responsibility, as an entertainer, to inspire people to live healthier lifestyles, he responded with the following:
“No two situations are the same. If you are fat and nasty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple.
When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that sh*t. You worked your a** off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell.
If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up.”
Sigh.
Silly me, for thinking the man who brought me such epic 140-character gems as “Ignore today…Ignore me tomorrow…My strong love and consistently [sic] will concur all walls of false realities… A gift should be opened!” would be profound or thought provoking or even considerate and sensitive when being asked a direct question about inspiring his fans, supporters, and the people who generally suffer through his foolishness and continue to let him prosper.
He’s not the only one, though.
Boris Kodjoe pulled this same silliness – albeit, a bit more specific, this go-round – a couple years back, this time to his Twitter followers. He ended a shade-filled tweet about his nightmare of 300-pound women eating chicken wings and grinding on him with one word: “Scary.”
Wow.
And, because it wouldn’t be a show without an acrobatic backpedaling routine, Kodjoe followed that up with his own weight loss tips and a reminder that there is a difference between “a healthy and sexy stacked goddess and an unhealthy obese one.”
Thank him for that, ladies. Thank his wife, too, who released her glorified bandanas intended to “save your hairdo” during your gym visit. You know, because after a work-out, you also need to have your edges laid like canceled television shows if you’re going to be that “healthy and sexy stacked goddess.”
Fewer things make me smack my forehead than seeing otherwise intelligent people become belligerent when the topic of obesity arises. People say, “If we can shame smokers, why can’t we shame fat people?” Because you can smoke at home, wash your clothes, and never have your smoking habit affect your career advancement or your ability to get money. A society that supports fat-shaming is a society that believes it is okay to devalue people and their abilities based on their appearance. As Black people, we’re already at a disadvantage in wage earnings without our weight also being brought into consideration.
Y’all know how I feel about body-shaming. To quote one line from something I think was beautifully done, “there is no wrong way to have a body.”
And, while someone’s out there snarking on some woman “built like the Michelin man” and how she is clearly “wrong,” I have to remind you of two things:
1) if she is mentally and physically healthy and happy, is your opinion more important than hers? And, if she isn’t healthy and happy, are you willing to support her through getting there? No? Then what is the point of needing to point out her flaws to her? Why be so invested in making someone else feel badly about themselves? Where are you in your life to care so much about someone else you don’t care to help?
2) Never forget – no matter how fit you become, you will always have someone who is more fit, and they could just as easily reduce you to all your flaws. You’d want them to be gracious to you and respect your humanity. You should want to do the same. I think that’s called “The Golden Rule.” Do unto others, and all that.
I’m still struggling with the idea of “You earned that sh-t.” I’m not sure exactly what is sitting wrong with me, but it sits wrong with me.
Body-shaming is a tool that people use to prop themselves up – “she’s too fat” comes from the same nasty place of “she’s too skinny.” It’s rarely about the person being dissected. And, while we could break that down all day, I just sincerely wish people learned the ancient art of silence. Just… hush.
But what do y’all think?
78 comments
Girl….I’m not even religious but I will say Bless his heart. Now he could have went about that totally different. I sincerely hope that maybe someone has told him about himself in his camp. It’s very clear what he equates a Fat woman too…but okay can he act like and adult and form a decent sentence to convey his message? I swear you can look at Tyrese and tell that something is hurting him or someone has hurt him.
I knew there was something wrong with Tyrese when he started talking that ish about black women this and that…But what is with a lot of black male celebrities opening their stupid mouths and feeling they need to inform women especially black women of how they should be. Tyrese is fine but I wish he would shut his trap.
The things a person says usually has more to do with them than it has to do with the people they are saying it about.
That’s my opinion too.
Tyrese Gibson, may be harboring feelings he has or had about his mother and sister who are not small women at all. Obesity does not equate “nasty”. He may have had those same feelings about himself before Will Smith put him on the gym game. He is a very angry man with a “loaf of bread” shaped head. I hope a drop in sells (cd, movies) teach him how to respectfully make a comment about his beliefs and self-hatred.
I agree with EatStylePlay. I think something is hurting him or someone has hurt him. Question, why does he sometimes show up to events unshaven? I’ve seen it in pics. He’s well dressed, and sounds like a million bucks, but unshaven. That’s a bit odd to me. I’ve also noticed him give interviews that were, idk, a bit off. I can’t explain it better than to say, “he seemed a bit off – mind elsewhere but faking/hiding it.” Now, I don’t know Brother Ty, but a woman can tell when a man is “not there” in some way. I think he’s been hurt, and his ego (and spirit) has been damaged in some way. So I can’t comment on the “wrongness” of his statement without first acknowledging his energy and where it may be coming from.
That being said… He’s wrong for that. The statement was not cool at all. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you b/c it might turn around and smack you! I hope Brother Ty will get some help, and take some time to “get right” on the inside, and let the rest of us worry about “getting right” on the outside with spirits and self esteem lifted.
What was the point of dragging Nicole Ari Parker into this?
Her bandanas are a good idea and benefits her charity.
I’m pretty sure I made it clear. She should’ve said something about her husband’s terrible comments. She said nothing. It doesn’t feel like a coincidence to me, and quite possibly could’ve been a PR stunt. *shrug*
I just think that people who are publicly vocal like this should not want these same nasty, fat people to buy their stuff. That’s all.
Word.
Exactly. Dear Tyrese, from an obese woman who is actively working to change her physique….I will not buy anymore of your CDs, I’ll change the radio station when your songs come on, I’ll watch the movies you happen to be in on HBO, and fa damn sho not buying your book with Run DMC? See now you just f’ed Run’s money too. Oh well. BTW I can exercise off fat, you cant exercise off ugly because you werent that cute to me in the first place. Boom. Thanks!
Preach
With the exception of having a medical condition, obesity, as well as being “too skinny” is not cool.
I understand that Tyrese could have been more gentle with his opinion on the matter. However, the author of this entry is missing a key point here.
It’s not how he posed his opinion. It’s the seriousness of obesity in this country-morphing into morbidity.
How is that you can deem someone being obese as being necessarily “mentally healthy?”
When people begin to love food more than their “physical” health, that is a clear sign of food addiction that can possibly lead one into obesity.
We are at a point now in this country where we have little control over food products(RE: The Monsanto Corp.). So, we don’t have time to molly-coddle people who can get easily addicted to food that is tearing at their health and physicality.
Peace,
NA
PS, Put those SLABS down.
“Put those SLABS down.”
Bruh, I do this for a living now. The vast majority of people with a weight problem aren’t actually eating slabs of ANYTHING.
Some of you just are not smart about these things.
“It’s not how he posed his opinion.”
It’s absolutely how he posed his opinion. “When you put your fat, nasty body into the shower…” word? I shouldn’t be taken aback by someone using words like that?
“How is that you can deem someone being obese as being necessarily “mentally healthy?””
How can you not? Oh, because they’re fat? Whew, what’s your body fat percentage? If it’s in double digits, guess what? YOU’RE FAT, too. LMAO
You don’t know enough to enter into this conversation with me. Start over. Elsewhere.
It annoys me when people make snide comments about things they know nothing about! I am an overweight, black woman and it has nothing to do with what or the way I eat because i eat “healthier” than most people I know! I’ve gained weight because of a hormonal imbalance which affects me to this day. I’ve tried several avenues (diet, exercise etc) and none seem to help me to keep the weight off! So… did I also “earn that sh*t”? Smh I’m so disappointed at his comments!!!!!
You have completely missed the point of this whole site! It is about how he said it. Fat shaming does not help people not be fat!
I have to agree with you and not the author on this one. I took it as him saying if “you as a person feel nasty and don’t like yourself, do something about it” Yes, the words used can be construed as offensive, but as a 280 pound black woman…I am okay with his statement. I am actually laughing at the statement’s made in the comments about these guys…really?
We don’t know what was going on in their head or what has happened to them to say these statements. Hey maybe they just want to make black people aware that being bigger doesn’t mean just being fat, we can also be healthy and lower the risk of disease due to obesity. Who knows, but writing an entire article based on one statement, without showing both sides seems just a little catty and bringing is Boris’ wife into it also seems low.
““you as a person feel nasty and don’t like yourself, do something about it” ”
Except, that’s not what he said at all. And his apology was trash. “They’re always out to get me” is ALWAYS the response of a scumbag who would rather galvanize his die hard supporters, self-hating though they may be, instead of trying to right the wrong his words caused.
“We don’t know what was going on in their head or what has happened to them to say these statements.”
Yo, what kind of bullshit is this? What do I need to know about “what’s in your head” to understand what you let come out of your mouth? Seriously. I hope this comment is a joke, because it’s hilarious.
“writing an entire article based on one statement, without showing both sides seems just a little catty and bringing is Boris’ wife into it also seems low.”
This isn’t a journalistic effort. This is an op-ed. I neither know nor care what the “other side is.” I don’t need “closure” about what he said; all I need to know is that he’s the kind of scumbags who says things like this, and since I don’t support scumbags who say things like this, I feel wholly encouraged to NOT support him. Feel me?
Oh, and it’s not catty at all. Bringing his wife into it matters – her husband makes disparaging remarks about people she conveniently creates a product for? For all I know, it was wholly intended: “Let’s make a bunch of fat bitches feel bad about themselves for being fat, and that’ll encourage them to go work out and, since of COURSE these fat bitches all need to keep their wraps tight, they’ll rush to buy your product!” Chile, please.
People write articles based on singular statements all the time. This is the Internet. Apparently, you’re new.
why do some people equate “fat with nasty?” Apparently, Hollywood has told them that fat is consider a negative character with no chance of being a fulfilled career. So, they disrespect anyone who is fat. Yet these are some of the people who supports their career. What a hypocrite! And shame on them! They better careful how the treat people who are fat because they might just hold the key to a major entertainment production and lose out on the role because of the character. You can be a size “2” and be an unhealthy psyhco…one must have love and confidence in themselves to achieve anything life. How soon they forgot.
I think his comments were wrong, period. A person being overweight does not deminish who they are or their value and importance. Nor does being skinny make a person more valuable or smarter. When the discussion surrounds weight we need to seperate the what I am from who I am. A person may be obese, that is what they are not who they are. You do not discover who the person is until you hold a conversation with them and discover that. Just a thought.
I have interacted with Tyrese once via SD Comic Con and after that interaction I had no respect for him. He acted like a real tool.
I’m pretty sure I was at that same con.
I just really want to know why we are still giving this fool a platform to express his goofy @$$ opinions? I mean I’ve seen stuff from his twitter account and laughed it off like everybody else, but then he wrote a book on crappy advice for women, and then I heard about the abuse he inflicted on the mother of his child. This man clearly is a misogynist who does not think too highly of women.
I’ve realized any man who puts women in to categories of “good” (thin, pretty, long hair, not a “ho”, etc.) and “bad” (too fat, too dark, “ho” etc.) is a man that cannot fully appreciate ANY woman because they don’t see us as full human being deserving of love and respect.
/end rant
+ 1,000,000
One thing that always bothers me about this, other than what you posted, is you can never know what point a person is at in their journey when you see them. Someone who is 250 pounds could have just lost 100 pounds and made great strides in healthiness and mobility. You can’t know.
I’ve made this point before, too. People don’t hear me, though.
Your rude. This is a platform for people to voice their opinion. If you disagree, cool. But have some character about it.
ROFL This is MY platform and, quite frankly, *I* decide what the platform is for. And, today, it’s to shame scumbags who make their fans feel bad about themselves and inform people of their poor choices of words and encourage them to REGULATE.
I have plenty of character. For example, I don’t go around speaking derogatorily of people who support me. In fact, I don’t go around speaking derogatorily of people at ALL, because my self-esteem isn’t based on breaking people down… much unlike the scumbags you were hell bent on defending. “Honerable,” indeed.
Good luck with that, b. But my character is sharp. So sharp, in fact, that I’m not going to clown you for not knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
Oh, wait.
I’m really not surprised. I met him years ago and before I could approach him to tell him how much I respected his “art” he turned his nose up to me and looked at me in disgust. Then he interacted with some girls that were more “his type” I guess. I thought he was color struck, but he is just an A-hole it seems. Shrugs. No love lost! Lost all respect for him after that incident though.
The irony here for me is that Tyrese seems to struggle with his own weight. I’m very shocked by this and might even venture to say that its projection of his own ill feelings about his own personal weight gain.
That’s what I really thought – the article went on to talk about his own 50lb weight loss, and I’ve written about people who lose weight and become fat-haters and fat-shamers; it’s a part of their ability to maintain their weight loss. I think that’s pretty f’n creepy. You’ve got to proclaim something inferior and undesirable in order to compel you to do the hard work? That sounds like a reason for therapy.
It is so sad the things that some people say.Instead of being a supporter of good eating habits he ha decide to be nasty.I will never buy another piece of his materials-Never again. Where does he feel his money fortune and fame came from.
The “You earned that sh*t” comment also rubbed me the wrong way. I think it’s because it implies that being overweight is simply about stuffing your face. This makes it seem to be a simple issue that simple (read: stupid) people get themselves into. However, as anyone who’s actually had to deal with weight issues can attest to: it’s a deeper issue than eating more than me should. For many of us there are deeper psychological issues underlining the weight gain (sexual molestation, childhood abuses, coping with loss, etc.) that have to be additionally addressed in the midst of trying to lose weight.
It also implies that it’s a punishment that we deserve for our obvious, disgusting lack of self-control (hope you heard the sarcasm). It is supposed to shame us into changing our lives. That some how speaking to those who struggle with their weight as if we are the lowest base of people (worst than the slim murderers or skinny pedophiles) will suddenly jumpstart our exercise program we’ve been putting off since our January resolution.
Well…. I actually “kinda” agree with him on the “you earned it” statement. If you (some people) are fat, in a way, you earned it! Effort was put in to get that heavy. You sat on your but, ate at McDonald’s and gorged on Chinese take out and the farthest place you walked was from your house to the car. >Think about it< The opposite is true! You lose 50lbs by working out too many days a week, counting calories and going to bed thinking of the Publix's deep fried chicken tenders you passed on the way to the produce department earlier; stomach growling because all you ate for dinner was mixed veggies and a piece of baked fish. Chile! Tell me you didn't earn that brand new size 6 dress!! Please!! BUT, he didn't have to be stank about it, though…
If you genuinely believe that everyone stands between a choice of McDonalds and cooking a fresh meal, and they’re choosing McDonalds…
…then I’m more inclined to believe that you’re talking about YOURSELF – and are just here feeling a little shame and trying to put yourself on blast – than I am inclined to believe you’re actually talking about a collective of real people.
There’s at least three or four legitimate reasons why this is one of the most foolish scenarios people COMMONLY present. But I’m literally too worn out to even tell you why. Just… gosh.
You know shaming someone for being overweight is almost the equivalent of shaming someone one for being too dark… In that respect Tyrese if you think people who are overweight/obese are just plain fat and nasty, someone could say your extremely black skin is dirty and nasty and the tattoo that riddle your skin much like stretchmarks on that “fat and nasty” person just add emphasis to the filth of your disgusting black skin!! Think about that BEFORE you start flapping your gums about “fat and nasty” individuals because these people have feelings too and least you forget: Most of your fans are “fat and nasty” and deserve a modicum of respect. Your fan base is not comprises solely of those “skinny and beautiful” people you want to surround yourself with… Makes me wonder if he was a “fat and nasty” lil boy and is projecting his negative body image on other persons.
Thank you! He will not b getting any of my “fat nasty” money.
Tyrese could have (& probably should have) worded his statement better & been more respectful or nicer BUT what he said is true, because too many people are overweight or obese especially here in anything goes America. Fat is not healthy, cute, sexy nor pretty & that’s a fact not an opinion. Nothing looks good about someone who is the size of 3 people due to greed, overeating, never exercising & eating/drinking unhealthy crap. It wud b a nightmare 4 me too if I dreamed about a 300 pound man or woman all up on me. People love lying 2 themselves & saying BS like being fat is okay when hell no it’s not. A fat body is un unattractive & unhealthy body. Period.
“Fat is not healthy, cute, sexy nor pretty & that’s a fact not an opinion.”
No, it’s an opinoin; what you fail to realize, is that what’s “cute” or “sexy” or “pretty” is subjective, and one person’s “cute” could be another person’s “trashy.”
What’s “not fat” to you could be “damn near obese” to me, and I could just as easily hurt your little feelings. QUICKLY. Now what happens? Should you care about what I think about you? And, if the answer is no, then the question should be “Why would I be so invested in making you feel like MY opinion of YOU should matter more than your own?”
“A fat body is un unattractive & unhealthy body. Period.”
LMAO Because you’re some sort of authority on something. Hilar.
I am so over Black men’s opinions about Black women’s bodies. Or any other aspect of our lives. They think that by being sexist, misogynistic, assholes and shitting on us they can regain a piece of the dignity racism has stolen from them? They the White patriarchy will give them “props”? They. Are. Wrong.
Couldn’t said it better myself
Damn girl. You hit the nail. on. the. head. So tired of them thinking we are all the same too.
Tyrese, Tyrese, Tyrese… (smh) So many things that I Love about this man, but every time he opens his mouth several points are deducted. If you want to be a motivational speaker, do your homework, or take a psychology class on what motivates people. It’s not criticism, it’s compassion. On a business level it’s not smart to criticize them same fat girls that would’ve bought your next album had you just shut the hell up.
The guy made some terrible statements and I’ve learned from experience that Fat Shaming will not get people to lose weight. It just works to embarrass and to hurt. I know because my sister and I grew up cracking jokes on one another and she was a very big woman… My sister is no longer around though because she died at the age of 45 from complications of diabetes. Several doctors told her for years to lose the weight but she refused…she said she was happy with who she was. My point is this: even while facing the possibility of death some overweight people will reject the idea of changing their lifestyle so shaming will not work.
My sister may have been happy being as big as she was but It makes me unhappy that she’s no longer around.
In other words, we need to find healthy, supportive ways to encourage people to do what is best for themselves, because being abusive and making insensitive statements ain’t gettin’ it.
*big hug* I’m so sorry for your loss, Carlos.
It’s a shame that some people believe that insults=encouragement. I have a friend right now whose husband told her she must weight 120 pounds. I thought she was joking until he said in front of me. I don’t usually get in my friends business, but he pissed me off. I just said will she get a six pack husband in exchange. She’s hurt by this because where both trying to lose weight together this finally explains why some days she comes to work with things we have both deemed not healthy for us. She eats when she not happy.
Hey, Shon. I am curious to know how her husband responded to that?
Never give these idiots the time of day. It is sad that these BLACK men seem to forget that they all came from BLACK WOMEN .We all come in many, many FLAVOURS….
SELF LOVE BABES..
Love your postings Missy.
CDN SISTER
I didn’t think that Tyreese’s comments were appropriate. I think a few of the responses have touched on this, but you could “look” healthy and in shape and still eat all the McDonald’s, slabs of ribs that some people mistakenly believe that all the people who “look” overweight gorge themselves on. People are so caught up on how a person looks and what they believe that a person eats. A person who is overweight could be eating less food than a person who is skinny or small or whatever. A person who looks skinny could really be overweight. It’s just crazy and superficial. Another thing is with all the garbage that companies put into food I think the focus should be less on what a person looks like and more on educating them on what they should be eating (clean) which I think you do an excellent job by the way. One last thing that really irritated me is that I don’t think that anyone ever earns weight seriously there are conditions that may cause a person to be overweight like a thyroid issue or PCOS. I am sure people may suffer their own silent issues of struggling with not knowing how to cope and don’t need to be berated with insults of how they earned their weight.
I honestly think they have a right. Boris Kodjoe doesn’t find overweight women attractive and thats just how he feels. He could also say he doesnt like women with kids and no husband. That’s him and how he feels. It’s only shaming if someone allows it to be. Which doesnt seem like it’s doing much because obesity rates are still high. Many women who are overweight are trying not to be which is good so in some way what they are saying must not be too far from wrong.
People have a right to say exactly what they want.
People also have a right to not support them based on what they say.
And yes, saying cruel things about people, instead of doing what your parents taught you and keeping your nasty comments to yourself, is intended to shame and make people feel bad…ESPECIALLY when it’s THIS cruel. It’s indicative of a heightened sense of self-importance… and it’s not okay. It’s really not.
To excuse it is to basically say there’s no need to demand respect from the people we give our money, and I’m not certain that I’m comfortable with that. He can like whomever he likes, but don’t backpedal and make it about “women needing to be ‘healthy stacked goddesses'” so that he can find them attractive. He’s gotta get all the way out of here with that.
Just because I’m considered fat doesn’t mean I’m nasty….I guess I won’t be supporting him anymore if that’s how he really feels about his overweight fans.
I am surprised because I have met some of his family. The women in his family are almost all on the large side.
I am thinking maybe he was drunk or something when he said that?
It was a part of a FULL interview, mama. 🙁
I dont really follow him well enough to know the sizes of his female family members, but if they are “larger” then maybe that shoudn’t be that surprising… Perhaps his comments were directed at them, and his failed attempts to shame his own family members the same way? Perhaps growing up if at some point he was put down for being bigger, he may have held on to that self hate and may have blamed family who helped raise him? Im not saying its right and im definitely not defending him, but your comment made me think about how I actually feel it makes quite a bit of sense that he seems to be so hateful on these issues and his female family members are “larger”… I could be totally off lol just made me think. Everyone carry on shaming his ass for his ignorance lol I quite enjoy it ahahaha… almost as much as I enjoy watching Erika shut down the ignorant commenters bahahaha.
These statements make me curse…and I don’t like getting “ugly”, so please forgive me if i offend anyone..
We can be insensitive of others sometimes. His manhood/ability/responsibility was questioned in that moment. He reacted offensively.
He did not THINK before he spoke.
I feel that by being asked this question, it positioned him to quickly put himself in an “authority, motivator” role.
So to answer the reporter’s question. cause Tyrese sure didn’t
… if I may….lol.
I don’t think Tyrese is mentally prepared a.k.a. (studied, observant, humane, reflective, cognitive) to do the true work to ” inspire people (“all people”) to live healthier lifestyles”.
Now, he might inspire some.. crazy as that sounds..
and if thats the case keep moving toward your goal
-BUT to me he comes across as a BULLY
Inspire by definition provided by google means:
Fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative: “his enthusiasm inspired them”.
Create (a feeling, esp. a positive one) in a person: “inspire confidence”.
Bullying by the same reference means:
Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
But DAMN… I thought I was a “sweet lady”………………. with all our “Sounds of Love Making” ….
“Lately” Have I told you
YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!TYRESE GROW UP LIL MAN
DAMN>>>>DAMN>>>>>DAMNNNNNNNNNN
-Ps: He was Fine/Sexy to me before now he looks like….a babies bowl movement LMAOOOOOOO
babyshit.org
http://www.I-can-be-mean_too.com
As far as Boris.. He just mad cause they used his name as the villian in the latest “Men in Black”
BORIS THE ANIMAL!!!!LMAOOOOOO
“CLETUS..SHUT.UP.PLEASE” -The Nutty Professor
Why is this man still relevant. Serious question. Whatever this man says bugs the sh*t out of me.
I usually don’t comment BUT I just couldn’t let this one go….and really it doesn’t bug me about what he said..I just think he has some nerve…he doesn’t even appear to like women anyway. My opinion since he had one he’s ugly inside and out to me…simple as that…he’s not attractive 50lbs heavier or lighter. Fact remains if you LOVE yourself who cares what HE thinks…he jus tryin to sell a book…LOL
Male or female, fat is fat!!!!
Male or female, stupid is also stupid.
Hi.
“You know, because after a work-out, you also need to have your edges laid like canceled television shows if you’re going to be that “healthy and sexy stacked goddess.” ”
Dead!!!!
Yes ma’am.
I wish he would stay in his lane and focus on his music. His comments were mean and I think he said them to get attention. And it worked. So I am going to stop wasting brain space on this silly man and schoolyard bully tactics! Be healthy and be happy folks, life is too short!
Preface: “I ain’t one to gossip so you ain’t heard this from me” but word on the street is Tyrese has an eating disorder himself…he’s known to chew up his food and spit it out in a cup at the table. SO yeah, there’s that.
I am an otherwise healthy ‘morbidly obese’ person according to the charts. To look at me however doesn’t begin to describe my situation. I have lupus and take corticosteriods. Also, any increase in activity for me equals a decrease in my cognitive function called “lupus fog”. By profession I’m an analyst and need my brain to be functioning properly at all times. So I have many barriers to losing weight but I’m healthy (outside of lupus and its complications). No high blood pressure, high cholesterol, not diabetic or even pre-diabetic. I’m also in a loving relationship with a hot skinny man. My point: I’m learning to love and care for my body which equals loving and caring for myself. Fat shaming is lazy and ignorant. People need to understand and help. Excellent post.
Tyrese has had diarrhea of the mouth for a long time. I believe he has deep hurt, possibly, from being a dark-skinned black male, having no father and being disciplined by his mother. The appearance of obesity can also be caused by various kinds of edema whose underlying causes can be hypothyroidism, allergies, leaking capillaries, or simply idiopathic. Tyrese tried to be a knock-off Steve Harvey with his idiotic book, but that didn’t work. I laugh at men like Tyrese Gibson, Taye Diggs and others, whose livelihood come from black women, but they continue to throw shade at black women. Boys…have a seat…\_ \_
First, thank you for this site, I absolutely love it. I am a woman of color — it’s kind of a beigy, whitish peach color, but it’s a color! 😉 Seriously, love your site and I follow it regularly for motivation and tips.
As for the ‘Fat Shaming’ — not OK — at all. I’m fine if you don’t like me because I am fluffy. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. My husband adores me and thinks I am sexy. Although I am working to lose the extra lbs., I am still a vivacious, sexy, and voluptuous woman.
I went through a phase of shaming myself, but it was just a horribly vicious circle, with no value whatsoever. I learned to accept every bump, nook, cranny and roll before I realized I was a desirable woman. I love all of me, even the curves. I believe they served a purpose in my life, a protection from facing certain truths about myself. They no longer serve a purpose, other than to remind me that getting older isn’t for the weak.
They have reminded me that I have to maintain my weight and muscles to keep my energy up and my health top notch. I don’t like being in pain because I weigh too much. I do not want to take a hand full of pills because I weigh too much. I do not want to live with an oxygen bottle attached to my hip, or fear of falling because some med I am taking may cause an internal bleed; I don’t want to be on meds that cause a myriad of side effects because I don’t eat right, don’t exercise, and don’t work to be happy. I want to climb a flight of stairs without agony from knee pain and/or fear from the shortness of breath.
Shame won’t help those things, I don’t see where it helps anything. It’s negative. It’s self-defeating. I wouldn’t shame anyone I love into doing something, whether it was good for them or not. Why would I do it to myself? If you wouldn’t do something to someone you love — such as your child, your parent, your best friend, or spouse/partner — why on earth would you do it to yourself??
I apologize for the length of my post. This one just got my passion flowing! 🙂 (Shame on me! j/k)
You all make me very sad. It’s like a support group for people who need an excuse to eat as much as they want. It’s —
Editor’s note: You’re exactly right, with your exceptional critical thinking and astounding literacy skills! This website is a support group for people who need an “excuse” to eat as much as they want… and guess what? Our fatness? It’s CONTAGIOUS! Leave! And don’t come back, unless you want to catch the greedy glutton disease!
Genius. – Erika
Hi D – Don’t feel sad for me. You aren’t that important in my life’s journey. I’m sure if we met each other I could probably point out a few things that you should change in your life to be a “better person.” The first would be to rid yourself of self-righteousness.
i can afford a gym but i want to start off slow would u recommend walking on a treadmill and elepticals? i dont really want to workout outdoors and my gym has a sitters section for my son. if i choose to start at a gym what would you recommend
Both are fine! Be sure to add in some strength training, as well!
I don’t agree with the way Tyrese degraded people that are over weight by using words like nasty. Not cool. Tyrese should just not share his opinion on ANY matter. As for weight over weight and responsibility, I think it weight soley one the individual. I get annoyed when people say they tried EVERYTHING and I can’t lose weight. Not true. I will never believe that. I am yet to see a health condition that causes someone to gain weight. Hypothyroidism is rare and for those who have it you need to be proactive about fixing your thyroid healthy and intact. i know some people have their thyroid removed, thyroid replacements are available. I know people are put on steroids for various reasons which raises their blood sugar and may inadvertently lead to weight gain. There are healthy ways around this, you can modify your diet to your specific needs and exercise. It may be hard at first but you need to invest the time in yourself to get healthy. Patience is key and that is something in American culture that we were not taught. Everything is NOW NOW NOW. When you compare the obesity rates to Asian countries especially Japan, Korea, where obesity is virtually non-existent(I am sure there are outliers)….though they do have those who are over weight but not obese…take a look at their diets, average calorie intake, and daily activity. In Korea the average daily calorie intake is 1,400-1500 claories while in the USA it is 2200. But you know for 60% of our population the numbers may be even higher. Issue of hypothroidism is even more rare than it is in USA. In USA a lot of processed food we eat is like processed slow poison. No wonder people’s thyroids get shot, diabetes, metabolic syndrome, etc. If someone who is obese really wants to lose weight, they can do it. I will never buy the whole “I tried everything…” Not true.
“I know people are put on steroids for various reasons which raises their blood sugar and may inadvertently lead to weight gain. There are healthy ways around this”
This isn’t quite accurate; your body will continue to put on weight even if you starve it. PCOS, hyperthyroidism and the like are hormonal challenges that cause weight gain regardless of what you eat. This just isn’t how the body works when it has to manage these additional challenges. I’ve personally worked with people who live this struggle. It’s NOT as simple as “calories in, calories out,” AND I SAY THAT AS A CALORIE COUNTER.
And, considering how I can spot easily almost 4 different inaccuracies in your comment, it’s even more obvious to me why it’s so hard for people to lose weight. Too much misinformation out there. Jeez.
What people have you worked with? I am a registered nurse with a BSN and this is true. I work with people who have hypothyroidism and people who regularly take steroids. Seriously what inaccuracies are there? Have you done your research? For some reason I get the feeling that you are waaaaay too into this. You like to reply to every single comment and are overtly opinionated to the point you will find fault in any person who does not agree with the whole ‘some people are just over weight/obese and it has nothing to do with what they did to get there.’ Are you serious? Here I was thinking I found an intelligent woman and it is mighty nice to see fellow black women being inspirational and building others up. But I don’t live in denial. I liked your blog but the more I saw how you thump on people is seriously lame. Very distasteful. I gotta jump ship. I thought you had a good thing going here but your internet personality is seriously tiring. I respect your opinions but what I find weird about you is that you feel the need to jump on anyone who does not agree with what you find true. SMH. I don’t want to sound mean…but you are single aren’t you? I can tell. Who would want to be around a person that always has to be right and make sure everyone else in the room knows he/she is (shivers). I would be surprised if you were not. Seriously. I give respect to your opinions but why is it that you can’t handle others? The world is going to keep on turning and people will have their opinions regardless. I don’t expect you to publish this. But what-evs…I just wanted to let you know. Sorry for all the typos(before you call me out on it). You need to live and let live. I rather be blunt and hurt someone’s feelings and help them get to a better ‘you’ than sugar coat things and make people think obesity is okay. I take care of obese patients all the time, they are the hardest on everyone to take care in so many ways. Those of you who work in health care will know what I am talking about. Plus most of them don’t help them selves by eating what ever they want and not watching their blood sugar, cholesterol, etc. I love caring for patients, but I will not sit there and pretend like obesity is okay, especially now that it is an issue with children. It is a sad situation. A lot of Americans live in denial about what we eat and how active we are. I hate when people negate a topic by simply saying “well there are people who eat right and exercise and still are over weight.” THOSE ARE OUTLIERS. The majority of those obese/overweight in our nation did it to themselves.
I can’t…stop…laughing.
Do your research. On me AND this topic. LOLOLOL
Disagreement does not equal jumping down people’s throats. I’ve jumped down a throat or two, but if you’re this sensitive, you need a new hobby, boo. Dialoguing on the Internet ain’t it.
Good luck. With discussion skills like this, you’re gonna need it.
I am happy you found some humor in truth, I know it will take some time to sink in…but the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. I just hope you change seriously. It is good that you have lost weight and you are on a healthy journey. Kudos. I love when I see people of all shapes and sizes hitting it at the gym.
I really liked your blog until I came upon this page and saw how you react to differing opinions. It is cringe worthy. I am just telling you for your own good and hopefully you will change. I wont wait around to find out.
Don’t mess up a good thing when you brow beat people with your opinions. Like Tyrese when he opens his mouth. All the best! Deuces.
“I wont wait around to find out.”
Please don’t.
“Don’t mess up a good thing when you brow beat people with your opinions.”
I really need for people to do a better job with this whole critical thinking thing. I disagree with you and challenge the reasoning in your comment, and all of a sudden I’m a “single,” “lame” (nice job on the ableism, by the way), “tiring” “Internet personality?” You wrote 600 words in response to me telling you that it’s not accurate to respond to hormonal imbalances with decreased caloric consumption because my response to you qualifies as brow beating? I said there was misinformation in your comment and you respond to me with the world’s longest run-on paragraph full of insults? And EYE am the one brow-beating?
Ma’am, have a good night. Be well.
Tyrese was rude in his comments but was the general point he was making wrong? If you are overweight and you feel down about yourself and disgusted by what you see…get up and get healthy! Don’t over eat unhealthy foods and then complain about how it makes you feel/look. Thru the rudeness I understand his point. And this rings true for anyone: if you want to be your best self, you have to make the first move.
Don’t enslave yourself to unhealthy living. You did it yourself, you wanted change and you worked/ are working for it.
BK had a dream and if he thought it was scary that just shines light on his sexual preference..maybe he’s not into voluptuous beauty… but some other man might have loved that dream.
“Tyrese was rude in his comments but was the general point he was making wrong”
I think we need to be careful with this. Whether one agrees with his point or not doesn’t erase or change the fact that this is not how you talk to OR about people. Period. And to try to use a person’s state of being as a way to evoke shame or guilt is cruelly inhumane. Do we think that fat people don’t deserve humane treatment simply because they’re fat? Do we sincerely believe that treating people cruelly is how we compel them to change? Is that even our business, collectively?
And, again, not everyone “did it themselves.” Taking even a mildly compassionate approach to this conversation actually fosters dialogue that helps us realize this, that not everyone “did it themselves.” We’ve got to get to a place where we’re actually advancing, not just pointing fingers and lobbing accusations.
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