Home Did You Know Weight Loss… and Your Libido

Weight Loss… and Your Libido

by Erika Nicole Kendall


“Sex In Progress?” Nope.. not over here.

If I can talk about stretch marks, cellulite, emotional eating and poop… surely, I can talk about this.

Besides, it’s my blog. C’mon. C’mooooooooon.

As I’ve mentioned a few times before, I’m abstinent. That’s right. I’m not having sex. Last time I had sex? Let’s just say the President in office used words like “strategery.”

And in any other context, it’d totally make sense for you to ask me why, on Earth, I’d bring this up on a blog for weight loss and wellness. But today, it’s important.

Why? Because my experience with losing weight has caused my sex drive to increase to such a monumental degree… that if I didn’t put a [chastity] ring on it, I might’ve lost my mind.

Mind you, my decision to remain abstinent had more to do with my desire to spend this time focusing on myself. I’d broken up with the boyfriend I had when I first began, realized that I needed to spend some time being selfish and made my decision to keep my body to myself – literally – for as long as I needed. Undergoing the changes that I’ve endured throughout this time period left me vulnerable emotionally (abandoning emotional eating and trying to find ways to cope with stress that weren’t addictive in nature? very vulnerable) and I think I would’ve either been extremely paranoid of anyone around me romantically, or become emotionally dependent upon them. That’s not fair to anyone. I’ll keep me to myself for the time being.

I first noticed it after about the 50lb mark. I mean, I’ll be honest – part of me was just excited to be able to possibly “do my Beyonce thing someday,” and I figured that I was just feelin’ myself a little bit. No biggie, right? I mean, it’s exciting to recognize that the effort you’re putting through is causing such major changes in your body, and even if you don’t feel physically sexier just yet… you certainly feel empowered. And power is always sexy, right?

At the 100lb mark? It wasn’t just “Oh, I’m empowered! I’m Super Woman! This is sexy!” It wasn’t even “Oh, I’m abstinent so that I can be selfish and focus on myself right now.” It was “Oh my gosh, why am I always horny?! I can’t take this! This can’t be life!” It was obnoxious. Couple that with the fact that at events, men (women?) who haven’t seen you in a while are so in awe of your changes that they want to touch you… and keep touching you? I’ll be honest. It made life rough. Men, who I’ve known for years, would stand near me and insisted on touching me more suggestively than they ever had before… wrapping their hand around me and resting it on my hip – my hip that no longer had a spare tire resting on it and was a nicely-shaped curve – and it took a lot of blinking, deep breathing and thinking-before-I-spoke to keep me from throwing abstinence out the window and ducking away in a damn linen closet somewhere. And did I mentioned the heightened sensitivity you feel in places where you’ve lost weight? Good grief.

I didn’t say I was proud of it. I’m just tellin’ the truth.

At the 150lb mark? I straight up gave up and became a hermit.

I’m kidding… sorta.

I feel like it came in waves. Just when I was getting used to it, another wave would come over me and I’d have to reacclimate to what I was dealing with all over again. It’s not that it got increasingly worse, but if I hadn’t struggled to become accustomed to what my body was feeling? It might’ve felt that way.

Of course there’s a scientific explanation for all this, right? Right.

Let’s talk about sex drive for a minute. Your libido is the thing that makes you want sex. It’s what compels you to want to get down to business. Primarily controlled by testosterone levels in the body, its what gives you the ability to put forth the energy necessary to develop and satisfy a sexual appetite. Men might make way more testosterone, but women are more sensitive to it.

What role does weight play in sex drive?

Men aren’t alone with sex problems caused by poor blood flow. Research shows overweight women’s sex drive and desire are affected by the same problem.

“We are beginning to see that the width of the blood vessels leading to the clitoris [the area of the vagina most closely related to sexual response] in women are affected by the same kind of blockages that impact blood flow to the penis,” says Susan Kellogg, PhD, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute of Graduate Hospital in Philadelphia.

When this happens, says Kellogg, a woman’s body is far less responsive, and a drop in desire is not far behind.

Complicating matters further for both sexes: The more body fat you have, the higher your levels of a natural chemical known as SHBG (short for sex hormone binding globulin). It’s aptly named because it binds to the sex hormone testosterone. Doctors theorize that the more testosterone that is bound to SHBG, the less there is available to stimulate desire. [source]

If you listen to Dr. Oz (my personal crush – or is that just my libido talking?) tell it, he’ll say the following:

“The big issue on weight loss, for me, is that it allows your hormones to work the way they’re supposed to. When you have that belly fat that I was showing you earlier, it becomes metabolically alive. It begins to convert hormones. It’ll convert your estrogen levels in the wrong way – which is why it’s associated with different cancers… breast cancer, uterine cancer and the like – but it also does bad things to your testosterone. And women have testosterone, too. Any guy who’s got a big waist, I can guarantee you, begins to have problems with testosterone levels. ‘Cause if your testicles are a normal size, and the testosterone that’s being made by the testicles is being converted by your big belly into estrogen or other things, you don’t have any left. The same goes for women. So one of the surefire ways to re-light the sexual adventures in your life, is to get rid of that belly fat.” [source]

The increase in my sexual appetite was noticeable to me because my entire journey has been about learning, listening to and answering to my body. It was ever-present to me because I noticed that certain things I would do would either remind me of sex or would make me think something sex-related. While I think that can be super duper fun in the right contexts… I certainly think it can also be dangerous, especially for those of us who might be feeling a little insecure with our bodies. Insecurity + an increasingly growing sexual appetite = recipe for disaster: how many times do women do things they eventually regret because someone told them “what they wanted to hear?” Especially when all you want to hear is that you’re “beautiful” and “sexy” and “amazing” and all those other vague words that really excite us for some weird reason? Yeah… no. Nothing worse than having that void to fill, letting empty compliments from strangers fill that void and then being left empty when your stranger decides they can no longer benefit from what you have to offer.

In all seriousness… losing any weight is going to be an awesome experience, but for those of you in committed relationships? Just… tell your mate to get ready. And for people like me, who will be single when they experience those waves of libidoey goodness? Especially those of you who may have a lot to lose as well? Consider taking some time out to learn how to understand and appreciate your new sexual appetite. You’d hate to have someone around who’d simply appreciate how voracious you’ve become, only to decide there’s nothing else to enjoy about you once you’ve “normalized.” Besides, considering how much you’ll be learning about yourself and your body? You might be far too excited by yourself to want to be bothered with anyone else.

No pun intended. I promise. (Sort of.)

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Maisha January 4, 2011 - 12:46 PM

Great article! And so true!

I’ve tried to ‘like’ your posts and comment on the page (it’s easier than filling out the info here LOL) but I’m not able to. Is there a way that I can comment or like posts?

Erika January 4, 2011 - 1:11 PM

The only way you’d be unable to do that is if you were banned at one point in time or another and as far as I know, the only people who’ve been banned were either spamming or posting advertisements without permission on the FB page.

Maisha January 5, 2011 - 4:36 PM

hmmm…..I don’t think I’ve done that. My apologies if I ever did. Thanks for answering my question πŸ˜€

Erika January 5, 2011 - 4:45 PM

If you un-like the page and then re-like, I can edit it so that you’re able to participate if you like… just be very conscious of the rules. The page gets hit with a LOT of advertisements/spam, and I don’t have the time to constantly watch it, so I’m really ban-friendly.

cinque February 5, 2012 - 10:33 PM

I love your article and it gives me alit of inspiration great job………….on another note i love that sex block where can i purchase one???

Christine April 22, 2014 - 6:09 PM

Roflmao..lawd I thought it was just me. I’ve also been focusing on myself. .I may have to have ems on standby when I start dating again

BlackBerry Molasses January 4, 2011 - 1:45 PM

When my partner and I got together we were both much heavier and out of shape than we are now. And we’ve noticed the difference that healthy eating and working out has made in the bedroom. Its almost ALWAYS go time… especially for me. Like.. where did this vamp come from? Its kind of awesome and a little bit obnoxious at the same time. Partially because I’m a bit more on top of my stuff than he is and when he’s not taking good care of himself, I notice it in his level of desire for sex. I’ll just say to him… “Methinks you need to get back on the bball court homie. You can’t keep up with your wife right now.”

Its pretty damn fun. Possibly the best part of this whole “healthier lifestyle”… yeah…

Erika January 4, 2011 - 2:21 PM

LMAO Someday, when I’m done being selfish, I’ll be on your level. Until then? I’ll just keep to myself… and buy stock in Duracell. *whistle*

Kristina January 4, 2011 - 1:46 PM

Your website really gives me so much inspiration… The part of this post where you talk about your break up and how you decided to focus on yourself (that is me now), how you chose to abstain from sex and be selfish with your body (me again) resonates so deeply with me at this moment. For so long my weight was a way to keep people from being interested in me, I didn’t want attention because I didn’t want to look at myself. I often look at my situation and wonder “if” and “how” I can do this, but your website spells everything out and gives much direction. This site is wonderful and I thank God for leading me to it. I also thank you for allowing Him to use you.

I’m not sure if you realize the gravity of your contribution, but it is larger than life. Thank you! I graduated from North Texas and am now an employee. I’m also a resident of Denton, so I’m very proud of you LOL! Many blessings to you!

Erika January 4, 2011 - 2:23 PM

The interesting thing about it is this: if you are choosing abstinence right now and you’re coming from a place of “I didn’t want to look at myself,” you will ABSOLUTELY find yourself in a place where you can’t help BUT to look at yourself, pay attention to yourself and notice things about yourself that you never saw before. It makes you even MORE empowered and even MORE fun when you DO decide to go out and be flirtatious…. but that’s another story entirely, LOL!


Sara January 4, 2011 - 2:11 PM

Well i feel you Erika….

I’m in the process of losing my 100+lbs i’m at the beginning stage of my journey. I must say that your site has been like my bible of sorts. I thank you for sharing all this good information. I don’t even need a trainer anymore, i feel so strong that i can do it myself…NOW to the sex….LOL

The funny thing is if my libido gets any higher i’m going to find my self in a coma…LOL i’m 275 right now and i need it all the time, my husband runs from me now. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like after i lose the weight, he will have to tie me up…hmmmm*thinking* LOL Thank God i’ve gotten past my time of throwing my pearls to swines. I will add this tho, since i’ve lost inches and pounds it’s easier for me and my husband to be with each other now. He told me that certain ways were getting easier to get to,…if you know what i mean.

Again i thank you for sharing all that you do…you sooo rock girl!! I read this every single day!!


Erika January 4, 2011 - 2:39 PM

Ooooooh you are SO bad! LMAO!

Streetz January 4, 2011 - 2:21 PM

Erika, you nasty!

Seriously, i never knew it was like that. Do you think that its just as mental as it is hormonal? Like your self image and esteem spike once you reach milestones and have a new body?

Erika January 4, 2011 - 2:41 PM

I think the hormonal can come BEFORE the body image and self-esteem can improve, because I was experiencing it while I was at 260lbs and still obviously uncomfy with my body (even though I was excited and proud.) However… I think the closer one gets to their goal, the more likely it is that their ego is going to experience that boost, too. There’s nothing more empowering than knowing that you’ve created a work of art, and it’s hard to not feel like people should pay attention to it. ROFL

VM January 4, 2011 - 3:32 PM

Hmmm…some may have problems related to health issues (ED, etc.), but not always true. For me personally, my sex drive has always been HIGH no matter what my weight has been. In fact, it seemed to be higher 50 pounds ago than now! LOL From reading a lot of blogs and belonging to communities in the Fat-o-sphere, believe me, the consensus about sex and sexual desire is completely different from what’s written in the above articles!

Erika January 4, 2011 - 3:41 PM

Don’t get me wrong – the fact that my sex drive is higher NOW doesn’t mean that it wasn’t high before.

As far as “some may have problems related to health issues” goes… I’m not sure to what that applies – the reality is that weight CAN affect erectile dysfunction and because of the reasons listed above, sex drive.

Some people have voracious sexual appetites simply because sex can be a mental thing just as much as a physical thing. I’m also well aware of the fact that the “Fat-o-sphere” makes it a point to detach quality of life issues from weight. That doesn’t make sense to do here, because I’m not saying big belly automatically leads to lack of sex drive. No one is. I’m saying that mine has INCREASED. I said nothing of what it was before hand.

BAnjeeB January 4, 2011 - 3:46 PM

Girrrrrllll…mmm mmm mmm…lol. When I’m working out regularly, my libido goes into overdrive! And after taking up yoga a few years ago, fuhgetaboutit! With all my workouts I’ve become aware of what my body can do. I’ve also come to realize just how strong and flexible I am and how much stronger and more flexible I can be! All of this has boosted my confidence, as well as made more adventerous. *whistles to the side*

Erika January 4, 2011 - 3:50 PM

See… you’re making me resent my abstinence. LMAO!!!

Jeannine January 4, 2011 - 4:12 PM

See I was just at the walmart & that’s what I forgot to get…more BATTERIES!!!! LOL

No seriously, I recently decided to become celibate, mainly to be a responsible adult trying to prevent unwanted pregnancy and also partly due to your influence. No I will admit it’s still very early (not quite 2 months) and I struggle with it but I know it’s the right thing to do.

My favorite part of this article: “Nothing worse than having that void to fill, letting empty compliments from strangers fill that void and then being left empty when your stranger decides they can no longer benefit from what you have to offer.” As an emotional eater myself, I am prone to addictive behavior. So if not food, then it was sex I would turn to for comfort. I decided it was time to totally heal and stop relying on vices for emotional comfort, time to truly grow up. So thank you for this one, it hit home!!!!

P.S. If you can see what I do too, you can see why celibacy is hard for me as well! I love sex & it’s my job to know all about it!

Erika January 4, 2011 - 4:19 PM

I’m sayin’… buyin’ stock in Energizer… might be the move for 2011. SMH LOL!

That’s another reason my abstinence is such a big deal, too – pregnancy is the epitome of a NO GO for me right now. ROFL

I DO tend to think that those of us who became addicted to emotional eating also may be prone to developing addictions to other things – much like people who quit smoking replace THAT vice with another (usually food, and as a former smoker, I’m TOO familiar with that) – but I haven’t done enough digging to validate that. I DO strongly believe the connection is there, and we should always do what we can do be aware of our potential weaknesses. ALWAYS!

Rooo May 20, 2013 - 1:43 PM

” I DO tend to think that those of us who became addicted to emotional eating also may be prone to developing addictions to other things – much like people who quit smoking replace THAT vice with another ”

Blogmistress, as usual you are on point, and there’s actually some science to back you up on this one.

*sighs a little moodily over ramifications, puts on shades to block out cute boys*

Tasha January 4, 2011 - 4:49 PM

I agree with this whole-heartedly. Like you, I have been abstinent now for a long time, years, with an s on the end lol. I do agree that once the weight begins to come off that the sex drive increases. I am at the very beginning of my weight loss journey and haven’t lost much of anything yet, but I’m sure that when the pounds do come off, things are going to get tricky. I think it’s important, like you said, to appreciate yourself and your worth, rather than temporarily satisfying a desire that no one else will appreciate. Great post and a great read. I love your blog.

Erika January 4, 2011 - 5:24 PM

“I think it’s important, like you said, to appreciate yourself and your worth, rather than temporarily satisfying a desire that no one else will appreciate.”


Erica January 4, 2011 - 7:01 PM

Well, well, well!! Now THIS has motivated me to keep up with my plan. Lawwwd I’m almost scared to see what my sex drive will be like w/ an increased libido. I’m gonna tell my boo to be ready…and get some batteries. #justsayin

Erika January 4, 2011 - 7:49 PM

Watch the stock prices for Duracell go up tomorrow. #blameBGG2WL

JoAnna January 5, 2011 - 2:56 PM

My doctor always has 1 or 2 interns with him and encourages them to sit with him during his appointments. So last month, I took out my written appointent questions and looking dead into my trusted dr’s face I asked him why I was horny all the time? I mean this was getting quite inconvenient to be constantly thinking about sex outside of those crazed days before my period. The 20’s White male intern was speechless, and turned beet red while my doc grinned from ear-to-ear and began a mini lecture about hormones, weight, proper diet, and restoring libido.

“So this is normal?” “Yes, JoAnna.” “Well, dang it!”

I’ve decided to work on me while looking for the “one”. The only reason I haven’t fallen for the lines of “Mr. Here-and-Now” is that I tend to look at the larger picture. Like would this be a person I could call if I had a flat tire on the freeway at 1am? If not, I don’t want to be bothered. And why I carry cans of Fix-a-Flat in my trunk.

Guess I gotta get my disguise together for a trip to the Adult bookstore to purchase, uh, a device or two. And on a day that the local church isn’t picketing in front or taking photos of license tags on cars. A catalog is just too impersonal for something that intimate! LOL!

Erika January 5, 2011 - 3:00 PM

Adam and eve dot com.


Tremilla November 5, 2011 - 2:56 AM

I love adamandeve.com! ; ) I’m always horny too and my boyfriend is not always around so hey….. Another thing that I’ve noticed is that exercise makes me even more hornier!

Kait November 28, 2011 - 3:45 PM

Look up “sex toy parties” in your area..the store gets BROUGHT to you (along with a knowledgeable consultant) without you having to worry about being seen. Depending on where you are located there is Passion Parties, Slumber Parties, Athena, and many more!

BAnjeeB January 5, 2011 - 5:01 PM

JoAnna, I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you asked your doctor that!!!

Mia January 6, 2011 - 10:27 AM

OMG!!! What is up with men wanting to touch your waist and lower back…shoot even a touch on the arm from the RIGHT one sends my blood rushing! I had 60 to loose and am about 30 through. My sex drive is extremely high. Like, right on my mind ALL the time. I try to abstain from everything though (have been for over a year), but hey every now & then one must do the do. LOL

Mia January 6, 2011 - 10:28 AM

Oh, and when I say “the do”…I mean self love. *wink lol

Curlstar January 7, 2011 - 3:55 PM

Libidoey?! LMBO!!! Love it! I understand what you are talking about though. It’s been fun celebrating another anniversary a few pounds lighter πŸ˜€

asada January 8, 2011 - 6:19 PM

One of my reasons for losing weight was the physical issue. I could not enjoy my body. Thanks for this post.

Tracy Wright February 8, 2011 - 1:28 AM

This was a great read! And all very true, thanks for posting, I am in the process of losing weight (both my boyfriend and I) and the side effects have been GREAT. I like you was abstinent for a while (nothing dramatic happened just wanted to be with and learn myself). It was 2 years into that, that I met someone who met my standards (possible people with prayer and PATIENCE). It has been a great supportive loving journey and I fully support your decision Erika to be abstinent and work on YOU. That is when you become the best you, allowing yourself to attract the best person for you. Love the site, glad I was introduced to it.

TheMochaPeach February 17, 2011 - 4:01 PM

I must just be a bonafied freak. It doesnt matter if i am 40 lbs heavier…or 40 lbs lighter..I ALWAYS wanna do it. So my libido is just off kilter or am pumping way more testosterone than I should I do notice when I am lighter, I am much more sexually adventurous..(hand stands, climbing walls…LOL) .so I’d def like a return to those days……(gotta find a steady dingle first…LOL)..but still….*sigh*

Wait..what were we talking about again? LOL

Denise @How Mama Got Her Swag back February 17, 2011 - 4:23 PM

Can’t say I haven’t noticed the same thing. After the baby, our sex life was a real source of contention. But once I started losing weight (and, I guess, feeling better about myself also), things started to pick up again.

My only fear is that his appetite has always been up there… what’s gonna happen when HE loses the weight he wants to lose? *runs and hides*

Anybody got a 5-Hour Energy out this piece?

Erika February 17, 2011 - 4:35 PM

Those ain’t allowed.

…all the more reason to get/stay fit. He’s gon’ need you to keep up, boo. *files nails*

Erica February 17, 2011 - 5:45 PM

Love it! Love it! I am in the beginning stages of weight loss and really enjoy reading your post. Thanks so much for being so educated, helpful, and REAL! I already have a high sex drive and after I lose this weight WOOOOOW Everyone must hide. LMBO. Keep it coming!!!!

MiMi T April 21, 2011 - 2:17 PM

I have been overweight my entire life, always a struggle. Before I got pregnant with my first child, I had lost about 50 pounds and felt absolutely great about myself, hence the pregnancy! I gained tha weight back and a little more with the pregnancy, lost about 70 percent of it after, felt pretty good about myself and had another child. Didn’t gain near the weight, was feeling pretty good about myself at 180 pounds. Curves in all the right places, I liked it. Then I met my now husband and since we have been together (10 years in September), I have gained almost 100 pounds. I am so disgusted with myself I can’t stand it. He truly loves me for me which makes it even harder for me to get myself motivated to lose weight.

Last year, I joined Curves, changed my eating habits and was doing great for about 3 months, I had lost 25 pounds and definitely had an increase in my sex drive because I felt better about myself. I travel extensively for work and found that I was paying for a gym membership that I wasn’t using because I wasn’t home. Got back in the same habits and have not been able to get motivated ever since.

A friend of mine recommended your site to me. I read your story Tuesday and I am feeling a bit more inspired. You are an amazing woman for putting it all out there and I hope that I can find the strength to get motivated and make some changes in my life.

Sheretha Edwards April 21, 2011 - 8:17 PM

I am going thru my journey now to lose weight but the one thing that I do know is that my libido has never went anywhere. However, I have found that I have an increased sex drive. I am in a relationship but we are in the getting to know you stage so sex is not an option at this point because I want it to last but it is very hard

Rhonda April 22, 2011 - 6:57 AM

I love that you are so straight forward about everything in your blog. I have lost about 50 pounds so far and have another 100 to go. I haven’t noticed an increase in libido yet but at least now I know to be on the lookout. Hell I’m looking forward to it because right now I couldn’t care less if I ever have sex again.

tdixonspeaks June 5, 2011 - 3:21 PM

Erika! I love that all your posts are relevant, all the time. Thanks for retweeting the links whether you wrote it last week, last month or last year.

So, after the weekend I had, yes and YES to alladis. I’ve lost 15 lbs so far and was wondering if they were connected. I’m more and more ready to climb some poles #noerika #seewhatididthere

Someone said in my WW meeting last week “lose weight to look better dressed, excersize to look better undressed.” well aight now. *continues to jog it out 3-4x a week*

Nadine June 9, 2011 - 3:08 PM

Hello, Black Girl. πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for your post. I too recently gotten over a breakup, and I’ve decided to focus on myself and get myself together. My goal weight? 175-180 lbs. My current weight? 201.7 lbs. I am also practicing abstinence until a man who comes along is WORTHY of my love and affection and knows how to bake these cookies lol. But seriously, I wanted to do this for me. I used to be an emotional eater/thinker. When I would be sad, I would turn to eating. Sex was my thing too. But now that I’m exercising and my body is toning and becoming more flexible, I have all of this newfound hormonal burst and no one to share it with. However, I’m taking this time out to learn about me sexually, ALONE. I don’t regret my decision at all to ride solo. All I know is that the next man who comes along better be athletic and know how to run really fast, because he’s going to be in trouble. LOL πŸ™‚

Chrissy September 22, 2011 - 1:11 PM

You are truly an inspriation to so many of us. Thank you for all you do. And especially…..thank you for being brave enough to talk about something so intimate. They don’t preach this truth on that famous weight loss show. Hmmmmm……

nicknicknicke December 24, 2011 - 6:18 PM

I needer this. I have wondered why i just cant get enough sex and i dont ! Its been this way and i started where Erica did but ive only lost 120 in the past two yrs but the past 3 or more months my hormones have been crazy and i thought i was going through a 30 yr old cause thats how old i am crises! thank you as always Erica!

Cherished131 January 1, 2012 - 8:44 PM

Nothing like a man touching you on the lower part of your back to send you somewhere. Great post as always!!! I always thought that the drive came back because I felt better about myself but now I see there are multiple factors that contribute either way. Also, abstinence is a great way to tune into who you are sexually along with a host of other great things for yourself.

val February 2, 2012 - 5:32 PM

I am getting far more men hollering and looking now with my 104lb weight lost I have not had all the attention for about 15yrs …..then it was cool now it”s totally catching me off gaurd.

LBrooke February 28, 2012 - 1:19 AM

Omg– all of these comments are HYSTERICAL!! I have to say that this also hits home with me. Since breaking up with my ex a couple of years ago, I decided to sustain from sex until I’m ‘comfortable with myself’, as I like to put it.

This was good for me to read, because I didn’t even think about the after part. The possibility of replacing sex with feel good addictions; or just letting someone have it because I want it so bad.

Obviously I need to go get some batteries too— and something to put it in… *whistles*

Celine April 9, 2012 - 5:58 PM

First of all: while your blog may have started out being about weight loss there is no hard and fast rule that it has to center only on that topic . . . as a matter of fact I read that it’s okay for a blog to be about 20% “off topic” (don’t know where they got that figure from)

Anyway I am so glad you did decide to do this post because I did not know about the chemically, binding, receptory, belly fat thingy! And it is good to know.

Over the last few years I have gained over 50 pounds and I thought that is why I wasn’t “feelin’ it” as much as I used to. I thought I didn’t want to busy because I was ashamed of how much weight I had put on and then I felt doubly ashamed because I should still be able to enjoy myself even if I’m not at my ideal weight.

I feel less ashamed now because it wasn’t just some ideal in my head that was making me less frisky – it’s some freakin’ hormones and sh*t.

A guy June 27, 2012 - 5:22 PM

“I love your post” doesnt make justice to the fun, the drama and all the information you give us here πŸ™‚ Thanks… a lot πŸ™‚

Liesbet July 7, 2012 - 9:25 AM

I decided a few years ago not to have sex before I’m married. This was partly a religious-based decision and partly because I had a horrible experience a while back. After dropping only 5kg, I already started noticing that my body was changing and some areas were , well, tingling more than in the past. And suddenly guys were interested… And that has made it a LOT harder to keep to my abstinence-decision.I’m keeping to it, because I also need to get the fat girl out of my head and I know I’m worth waiting for someone who respects me. I figured it was hormones, but it is great to see it explained so well here. Thank you so much!!

Kenesha August 14, 2012 - 2:24 PM

I LOVE your blog! I am starting my weight loss journey and I have about 120 pds to go! I received inspiration from your blog about 2 mos ago from following you on facebook. This article open my eyes and now Im ready to Jump all over my husband! LOL

RSL August 14, 2012 - 2:32 PM

I am *so* glad to know it’s not just me and I’m not a freak (…lol, no pun intended). I have had the same thing happen to a massive degree after about 20lbs. I fell you, girl. I do.

I didn’t have the foresight to be celibate. It would’ve been a better idea in the long haul. Oy.

I *was* emotionally overprotective. Then after I let the walls come down, I was emotionally dependent. And then, after my magical “new” body failed to get me anything but more sexual opportunity, I crashed.

I was “pretty” now. I was worthy now. Why didn’t I feel it? Why wasn’t I enough for the men. More importantly, why wasn’t I enough for me that I NEEDED that validation?

I’m working on all of that. It really is about so much more than a waist size. It’s dealing with all the stuff in my head and heart. Thanks for acknowledging this part of the journey.

Really, I’m so glad to know it’s not just me.

RSL August 14, 2012 - 2:49 PM

I act such a fool when I’m a smaller size that I found myself putting weight back on so that I wouldn’t have to make healthy choices about my sexuality or emotional balance.

Remove the men, the choices don’t need to happen. And it only leaves me on shakier ground when I jump back into things. It’s a cycle….but one that once recognized, I can break.

Thanks to everyone for the comments. We’re all in this together.

Maria August 20, 2012 - 8:47 PM

I’m new to liking your page on fb but I LOVE your articles! I’ve lost 53lbs and counting over the past 2 years, in limbo now for being lazy knowing I’ll have to slow down soon to get preggers again soon … Anyway glad to know my libido increase is scientific. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and have had an intimate sex life but since I’ve lost weight and we exercise together it’s increased

Mia August 28, 2012 - 1:31 PM

I’ve just recently started reading your blog and I am loving it! This post is so true. I am also abstinent. I began that journey before i started gaining weight again. The more weight I gained, the less the desire. Which was fine with me since I wasn’t with anyone. I am at my heaviest, 240lbs, and starting my journey YET AGAIN. Hopefully, I’ll have someone to have “fun” with once that desire comes back.

TH September 15, 2012 - 6:44 PM

I will simply say thank you.Thank you for your honesty, openness and your willingness to be candid no matter the subject. Thank you

Mila September 15, 2012 - 7:49 PM


this is one of the things I struggle with. I lost a lot of weight 4 years ago and noticed that my libido was out of control …to be honest I thought that something was wrong with me. So I gained all the weight I lost back to subconsciously stop myself from feeling that way. I was (and still am) in a committed long distance relationship and in my mind those feeling were dangerous territory so I kept the weight on to prevent myself from doing something “stupid”.

Now I think I am ready to get back to it …my will power is much stronger and my fiancee will be moving here soon *wink*

Erika Nicole Kendall September 17, 2012 - 12:27 PM

I think this is another thing. You really have to learn to understand your sexuality in a new way because so much about how your body behaves, thinks and feels is so different.

Maybe this is a new blog post..

Rooo September 30, 2012 - 3:35 PM

Yes, please.

Mila September 30, 2012 - 9:30 PM

Yes please I think there are A LOT of women that are experiencing the same “fear”/questions a honest dialog about it would be great

BTW- I am back on my workout grind (in addition to my other grinds) 2 hrs of cardio per day for the last week starting p90x again in the morning

thank you for the inspiration

Ted Wilson October 21, 2012 - 9:05 AM

I really love your blog… your post is so true. I have been dieting and exercising for 2 years, I have lost 50 pounds and probably have that much more to lose.

EVELYN October 21, 2012 - 7:37 PM


Heina October 21, 2012 - 8:09 PM

I wish I could experience what you ladies are talking about. When I’m in clean/get fit mode, my libido drops significantly. It’s a combination of eating less, being far more sore due to exercise, and having a lot less spare time for sex (due to time spent buying/prepping food and exercising).

Alicia January 21, 2013 - 11:27 AM

I was hot and horny at 276 and I am hot and horny at 169, plus all the ticks in between. I guess I am just one hot and horny chick. LOL

Erika Nicole Kendall January 21, 2013 - 12:45 PM

….I see no problem here. LOL

Crystal January 21, 2013 - 4:01 PM

I can relate to this post so much. Thank you for being so honest. I wanted to talk about it but could not bring myself to admit the weakness of being OCD in the sex department. It even has started interfering with my sleep patterns, now that I am losing the weight. I have had to do a lot of adjusting to these newfound feelings. And, you are so right, it’s a very obnoxious feeling.

Carolyn January 22, 2013 - 1:19 PM

DANG! This explains a lot! I thought I was just getting my 2nd wind at the age of 37. Great article!

YahMoorah Shakoor January 26, 2013 - 11:33 PM

Hey! I love your blog posts, and I just had to comment on this one. I feel and understand you completely. I have lost quite a bit of weight over the last year, and I am still coming to grips to how different I feel. Sexually, it’s unreal. It’s amazing and confusing, and frustrating at the same time. I, too, have decided to focus on myself more and less on how much my hormones are driving me to do things I really shouldn’t. πŸ™‚

Kerrizmah February 25, 2013 - 11:56 PM

When I first saw the title for this blog I thought it was going to explain a DECREASE in libido loosing weight. I’ve have always had a pretty strong libido, regardless of being very overweight, but lately I have noticed it beginning to decrease. Perhaps it is because I’m so focused on exercise and eating healthy that I don’t have the time to even think about sex. But then again you mentioned that you first noticed it around 50 lbs of loosing. I have only lost about 16 lbs so far.. I would like to lose around 90 in all. I really like the Dr. Oz explanation in reference to belly fat. I sure have a lot of that. I have always been aware of how being overweight can mess up hormones. I mean, some months I would skip my period all together. Still I am curious to find out if my libido will increase as I continue. Right not it seems to be on a downhill slope. Thanks for the great information!

Tina March 3, 2013 - 3:43 PM

Always horny here. It sure got easier with the weight loss. Celibacy seems impossible to me…and BOB just doesn’t cut it. Weight-lifting also boosts testosterone, fyi. ;).

Karen March 5, 2013 - 2:24 AM

Thank you for this post! I have been going off the deep-end of crazy as I have begun losing weight since returning to school full time. I’m pushing 40, haven’t had sex in three years and in my classes I’m surrounded by the kind of Man Candy that makes Magic Mike seem tame.

I was about to make a deeply regressive decision to just “get some already!” But it wasn’t feeling right and I wasn’t particularly enthused. And you helped provide the words to explain my reticence:

“Nothing worse than having that void to fill, letting empty compliments from strangers fill that void and then being left empty when your stranger decides they can no longer benefit from what you have to offer.”

So. True.

Time to really focus on filling my void with substance, grace and faith!

Thank you!

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