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Friday, December 30, 2011
My Thoughts on Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe
by Erika Nicole Kendall
I tried really hard to leave this topic alone because, quite frankly, I don’t think my opinion matters much. This ties into another post that I have coming up behind the “Who’s Allowed To Call You Fat?” topic but really… I have no stock in neither her successes nor her failures, so my interest is pretty non-existent.
I’ve never read Push. (I know someone’s gonna get on me for that. I spent more time in music books than I did anything else. My bad.) I haven’t seen the movie Precious and probably never will, simply because I’m not a movie person. However, you cannot ignore the fact that something awesome happened last year, and that awesomeness manifested itself into Oscars, Golden Globes, Solar Systems, and whatever else Hollywood uses to pat itself on the back.
I’m inspired by the roller coaster ride that the Precious team has enjoyed. From thinking that the story could never be done justice on the screen, to winning an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. From thinking that plus-sized women – especially women of color… especially Mo’Nique – could never be recognized playing “these kinds of roles,” to watching a very gracious and charismatic 26 year old be nominated alongside the Meryl Streep and the Helen Mirren… and watching Mo’Nique win that Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.
Really, do I need to go on?
There is something really powerful and refreshing here. While there are people who have their concerns about details within the movie (which don’t mean much to me, since I won’t be seeing it), I can only give credit to one thing. The fact that this climate, in this day and age, allowed for a movie like Precious to be funded, screened, lauded, awarded and successful. Forget what you think about “fat Black chicks.” That movie made $47 million dollars in only 200 theatres (if you take a peek at this chart, you’ll see movies who made $70mil but were shown in thousands of theatres) – there was clearly success to be had regardless of how few people were willing to give it a chance.
That’s not enough, though. Collectively as a nation, we need to be able to tear you down and rebuild you. So… let the attempts to tear down Miss Sidibe commence.
Howard Stern and that genius sidekick of his, Robin, lose their freaking marbles calling Gabby “the size of a planet,” and loudly proclaiming that she could never get another part because Hollywood simply doesn’t write for fat Black broads. I mean, that’s putting it bluntly, but it’s still a hell of a lot more polite than Stern’s original words. I’m not really sweating Howard Stern.. no one should. People who like him tune in to hear him say “what everyone is thinking” in the most crass and disrespectful way possible. It’s how he gets down. Big whoop.
This, for some reason, was the straw that broke my back. Some scammy acai berry magic elixir sellin’ company (y’all know how I feel about anything “magic“) tries to capitalize off of Sidibe’s attention by “leaking” a letter supposedly sent to her representatives about their fake-concern for her health. For the purposes of my rant, the letter is typed out for you below:
Dear Ms. Sidibe,
After viewing the recent pictures taken of you strolling around Santa Monica earlier this week, we at [website redacted] have decided we can no longer sit back and keep our mouth’s [sic] shut! Obesity is a major epidemic in the United States, and we would like to help you rid yourself of this terrible affliction. Life doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s time to prove Howard Stern and all of your naysayers wrong! We, along with Oprah agree that you DO have a bright future ahead of you in the entertainment business, and the only way you can reach your goal of someday winning that Oscar is by being active, fit, and most of all, healthy!
Thousands of people around the world say that [company name redacted]‘s Acai berry products help them live a healthier life that is full of energy and vitality. [redacted] has taken Acai Berry one step further by combining Acai extract with a combination of nutrients that help with weight-loss, increasing energy levels, and antioxidants that help promote healthier looking skin.
[redacted] would like to offer Ms. Sibide [sic] a ONE YEAR FREE SUPPLY of [redacted] in return for her glowing testimonial after she sheds her unwanted pounds.
Please get back to me at your earliest convenience with your or your representative’s shipping address so that we may ship out your first month’s supply.
Best Regards,
Total Jerk
CEO scammycompany
That last part might be my addition, but the rest of the letter is real. This is where I blew my lid.
First of all, I’m not gonna lie. I can hear it now. “Create a letter offering Si-bi-de – oh, it’s Si-di-be? Who cares! You know who I mean – some of our product for free, and send copies of the letter to the major gossip outlets. Tell her all she has to do is agree to promote for us, and she can have the supply for free. At best, she says yes. At worst, she says no and we still have all the publicity. Can’t fail!” That’s smart marketing… even though it’s rather vulture-like.
However… telling her that losing weight is the ONLY way she’d ever win an Oscar? Is that what this country is coming to now? That we believe that someone with stellar, outstanding, amazing talent would get passed over for recognition simply because they’re “fat?” That’s what we support and perpetuate? Is our collective self-esteem and respect for our peers that poor? Even more so, is that what we want to perpetuate? We don’t want to change that? Can’t change that?
Sigh.
Do I think Gabby is overweight? Yes. Do I think she’s unhealthy? Of course I do. Do I think that my opinion is important enough for her to care what I think? Not at all. Does any of this have anything to do with the amazing talent this woman has? Absolutely not. It makes her human. And I’d stand to believe that her “visible imperfection” made her that much more real in her portrayal of an… imperfect person. A real person playing a real role. How… unique.
I’m not even going to get on the fact that the letter repeats that motto that the fitness and weight loss industry LOVES to beat into our heads… that a magic little product will magically make us healthy. ‘Cause health is as easy as being skinny. ‘Cause being healthy is the same as being skinny. I mean, I don’t need to go there on this site, do I?
Nah.
My eyes kind of just glaze over when I have to face people’s need to talk about Gabby’s weight. Do we… need someone to know that we feel some kind of way about someone’s body? Are we getting some kind of satisfaction from highlighting someone else’s flaws? Is it just open season on people, nowadays? Or do we feel that we are so above criticism that we can say whatever we want about others… since, clearly, the same couldn’t be said about ourselves?
Like I said in the beginning… I don’t care, and I wish more of you felt the same way, too. I support Gabourey as a very incredible and witty personality, and I wish her the best (apparently.. thanks to Showtime, she’s already on her way). My time is better invested in me and making myself a better person, than expelling energy on people that don’t know me or give a damn what I think.
Update: Robin Quivers, the aforementioned sidekick on The Howard Stern Show, wrote for The Huffington Post just so that she could honestly “explain” her and Stern’s comments… without all the snark and crudeness required while on air. Maybe I’m just too much of a cynic to give it any weight, no pun intended.
In an effort to end this rant on an uplifting note, I present you with the best thing to come out of a celebrity’s mouth in a long time:
“I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life [...] They try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life and then I got this role and now I’m awesome, but the truth is that I’ve been awesome, and then I got this role.” – Gabourey Sidibe
Amen.
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I think we all knew it was coming, eventually. But, Gabby’s a really intelligent young woman. I love that quote and it just goes to show everyone how down to earth and really smart she is. I just hope this doesn’t shake her spirit.
—Ironlady
I am loathe to put money or energy against such an uncommon and amazing talent.
If she’s gotten this far…methinks shell be JUST FINE
—Inkognegro
Ugh! I wish would leave alone!
—Barbie1908
I wish they would leave her the HELL alone. Damn. Girl can’t even enjoy her success in peace. IF and when she wants to lose the weight, TRUST, she is in the most PERFECT position to do so. The MAIN folx worried about her so tough have their OWN health demons to worry about. I will bet my dues that fully 75% of the MEN commenting on her (of whatever age/demographic/race/what have you) haven’t been to a doctor in at least three years. And let’s not get into the women. Yes boo, you too have no room. If you’re talking isht about old girl and YOUR game isn’t tight, STFU. Period. Work on you, let her work on her.
—Lisa
Even if their game is tight, they still have no right to trash anyone. I hate when people say horrible things about people then say that their just concerned about said person’s health. They don’t give a damn about their health, because what about their mental health? If making fun of people for their weight worked, NO ONE would be overweight.
—Ralonda
Good stuff, E. And I LOVE her comment at the end!!
—Tisha
I had been working on a similar blog post, and deliberately withhelf from reading yours so my view wasn’t influenced.
But as usual, we tended to be on the same page. You just said it with more eloquence. Love her quote too!
—tdixonspeaks
I am SO divided on views of Gabby. I feel because of her size and even dark skin color she is such a target of criticism, which is unfair. She is a person with feelings and her own insecurities, I’m sure. However – I do think she should lose weight as you’ve said and acknowledging her unhealthy weight and possibly lifestyle would be an appropriate first step, whether public or private. but that is hard to do until you are completely ready to change for yourself – not Howard Stern, or the public or the Academy or anyone else.
I’ve not seen Precious either. I read a LOT and I read the book back when it was first published. The story isn’t something I could relate to at all so I passed, also – you aren’t the only one. But I watched the awards and cheered with the rest of Black America!
—PhluffyPrincess
It irks me to no end the endless arguments over Gabby’s body size; I don’t like it. People need to leave her alone. Her body is just that HER BODY. She has full rights to live the way she wants to. Who are we to tell her she is going to die early or she is unhealthy??? Really? This type of mentality is what’s wrong with society because it’s an endless battle between who is healthy versus unhealthy and what it should look like. SMH…What does a person with HIV look like? Or what does a person with cancer look like? See, conversations about Gabby in regards to her weight are superficial. Sometimes it gets so exhausting.
Do you Gabby and let no one tell you any different.
—Hidi
I loove Gabby!! Trust me, she knows exactly what she’s dealing with in Hollywood and what makes her a true success is her unlimitless confidence in herself and the loving support of her family and friends. With that said, Dear writer of this article: WHY ARE YOU NOT SUPPORTING THE MOVIE WITH YOUR DOLLARS BY SEEING IT? As a testament to the Black struggle and with this Black forum, you should spend the dollars to see the movie, regardless if you’re not a movie watcher. It’s a supporting our own and keeping us on top, can’t do that if you don’t economically support the same woman you are writing about.
—Jae112
Quite simply, because my dollars are going to more important things in my life than movies that don’t interest me.
—Erika
for this comment alone, i love you. and this site is quite fabulous!
—chocolateqt
You know what they say, when you assume, you make an ass out of yourself, and that statement Gabby made sure proved that point. Unfortunatley we are bombarded by the idealogy that looks overrides talent anyday. That is why we have so many beautiful people with no talent and no soul. Gabby is a beautiful actress and a beautiful woman, because she loves herself. She has to, so why not love her, just as she is? If she does decide to lose the weight, she will still remain a large woman until she reaches her goal. Does that mean that she is unworthy of acceptance and appreciation until she becomes “thin?” I think not…..
—Ebonie B
I know I’m really late on the topic, but I’m still fairly new to the site and really wanted to jump in when I saw the “visible imperfection” phrase.
Just recently I came to the defense of a friend that was the butt of a mean and embarrassing fat joke. I jumped in because I’ve totally been in that spot before and it really pissed me off because they didn’t deserve it at all. As an adult, I’ve come to think of being fat as a “flaw” that everyone can see, just a symptom of a bigger problem (that really isn’t anyone else’s business in the first place)…doesn’t matter how talented, smart, sweet, hard-working, or funny you are, no matter if you are the best at what you do in your field, if you have a flaw, someone’s going to pounce on it, ESPECIALLY if you are fat. Being fat is just an easy target, since most people hide their flaws, and you’d actually have to get to know the person to figure out their weaknesses. But for those that are not fat, they should imagine if their biggest insecurities, flaws, secrets, and bad habits were tattooed on their foreheads for the whole world to see. Imagine the messages you’d see walking down the street, or around the workplace (“I’m promiscuous and I sleep with married men”, “I’m 35 and I still wet my pants”). We’d all be humiliated…so we try to deflect our own flaws by pointing out someone else’s. Real mature…
Granted, Gabby’s health, I think as just an outsider making an observation, could use some improvement, but that’s her business. She’ll do it when she’s ready, not when someone else thinks she should. I think she’s a great talent and a wonderful example of someone that exudes good self esteem. Her weight doesn’t take away from her talent, and I loved “Precious” btw. Kudos to her and I wish her much success.
—Joy
I agree with PhluffyPrincess in the fact that I am divided on the Gabby issue. And like you, Erika, my opinion isn’t worth a dime to her because she is doing her thing whether I like her or not (which, I don’t know her, so I surely can’t say if I like her, or not). I have not seen the movie Precious, and after hearing about it, I don’t know if I want to see it b/c I hear it’s a tough story line.
Anyway, Gabby’s body size and weight- I felt the issue would finally rear it’s ugly head. When I first saw her on TV, I was happy to see a young lady ‘non hollywood’ like come out and succeed the way she has. HOWEVER, I agree with Robin (from Howard Stern) that being healthier (not skinny, but healthier) will get her more work, if that’s what she chooses to do (FYI: It is NOT cool to me to flat out make fun of anyone – they are a celeb show, so they will talk about people, but to name call/etc is rude on any level). Could she get more roles at her weight? SURRRE! She did it with Precious. But I’m afraid that most of her future roles would CENTER around her weight. Now, her skin color – whoever has something to say about that – get over yourself! She is born dark skinned and has a beautiful skin tone. But her weight, yes, she can help it. She is pretty but she is unhealthy and it doesn’t look good whether she is a role model or not. But, Gabby knows what she wants to do, and I hope she’ll do whatever she needs to do to achieve her goals with dignity and staying healthy (and do it for herself).
Again, just my opinion, it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to let you all know what I thought (smile).
Thanks for allowing me to post.
—Stefanie
Amen, too!
Do celebrities or talk show hosts criticize a fat man who rises to the top? Do they say, ” He better lose that belly if he wants to win an Oscar.” ? No, they focus on his talent.
I love that Gabby loves herself. What a confident, smart, talented and attractive young lady.
—Marsha
This makes me think of Star, Oprah, Monique, Jennifer Hudson and Patti LaBelle (Diabetes)…All who inspired us at heavier weights. Some who gained weight for roles but who again inspired us when they began to live healthier lifestyles…and it reminds me of Luther VanDross who didn’t conquer his struggle completely. We loved them all at any size but ultimatedly we want to see them healthier and living.
—Cherished
Like some of the others, I also am torn on this subject. I do feel like losing weight would benefit Gabby’s overall health, but I am positive that she knows that! With that being said, her success should never depend on her size. True the entertainment industry is a looks oriented thing, but my hope is that she can kick down doors and blast her way through-meaning she will find regular roles, and not be forever typecast, leading the way for future actresses that look like “regular everyday folks”.
To the person that decided that E was being unsupportive because she didn’t see the movie… I haven’t seen it either. And don’t ever plan to. Everybody’s tastes are different and people must be true to themselves. I know I will be! When she appears in a movie that looks interesting to me, I will be sure to go see it. Support shouldn’t necessarily be given arbitrarily.
—NaturalBlackOne
Ugh. I remember seeing on some tv show (House maybe?) someone talking about how no one has walks or arm bands for lung cancer, or any sympathy for the patients, because they “deserved it” by smoking. I think the same assumptions are made about people being overweight – they “deserve” the health risks, they “deserve” the derision of others, and they “deserve” our judgments. Lots of health problems could have been prevented, often including ones people making these judgments have – oh, your knees are bad, well you “deserve” it for all that skiing you did!
Should people take responsibility for their own health, and their decisions which partially caused it? Yes, absolutely, and good luck, because it sure as hell isn’t easy. But that’s for them to TAKE, not for you to GIVE! Just consider yourself lucky that your flaws (which honestly might be just as unhealthy as Ms. Sidibe’s) aren’t apparent to everyone who sees you, and don’t give them “permission” to judge you for them.
(And honestly, that goes for being too “slutty,” or having anorexia, or drinking too much, etc. – if you know and love them that’s a different situation entirely, but people don’t get to make those judgments because of what they read in the tabloids.)
—bannef
I am a plus size young woman that struggles with people putting my appearance before my intellect just as Howard Stern and his co-host have done to Gabby. God doesn’t put us in any situation that we haven’t already conquered. As human beings we all have things that we wish we could or can change about ourselves (even Howard Stern!) It is sad that the only thing he seems to be good at is hearing himself talk and being a professional bully. No one’s opinion matters but the opinion that person has of themselves. Let the haters hate, conquer the impossible and keep it pushing.
—Jasmine
I personally feel like Ms Sidibe needs to lose some weight. I don’t lose sleep over it, but she really could benefit from decreasing her body weight even by a small percentage.
Too often we make excuses for those around us who are huge and when they ‘kick the bucket’, we start thinking about why we didn’t say/help out. There is no such thing as a happy, secure obese person, many of these people wear their weight to hide other issues.
—Toonie
Unbelievable.
—Erika Nicole Kendall
i agree! i feel she has a great personality and most likely a future in hollywood. i’m pretty sure that she’ll get some roles. but, i’d just like to see her lose weight for her health. i think about John Candy and others who were incredible entertainers and are no longer here because they didn’t take care of their health. their careers were cut short because of morbid obesity. i wouldn’t want that to happen to her.
—natalie
There is another 99% and 1%…in the media industry. 99% money-attention-hungry-narcissistic-total jerks; 1% people who love being creative-good-souls.
I once heard an executive producer suggest the network retitle a would-be show about a black family with multiples “Country-fried” multiples. He was white and jewish (sorry if that hurts anyone’s feelings…I’m just stating what really happened). There were over 16 media professionals in that room (3 blacks…including me), no one said anything but I was livid. I wanted to keep working. He is now the VP of that network. He has black friends. The racism and sheer evil behind the scenes in media is astounding. Just imagine all the bullies and mean-girls and insecure wannabees from your school all got jobs in the same industry. But none of those modern metrosexually-fashionistaiy people will ever admit they in any way could be racist, well because they are just too hip. And they totally like Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne. Yup, that’s the media industry. Sprinkle a few actual good people amongst them who do actual work and not schmoozing and the team is complete. Please don’t ever think the “light-skinned, long-hair, biracial looking” images you mostly see of black people on TV is all just happenstance. Because it’s not. They are calculated decisions. It’s sad.
One day like capitalism, it will all blow up in our faces. I said “our” because I have watched flavor flav and the braxtons. I’m an addict too. Not proud of this. I’m working on it. But I can separate the joke from reality while many others humans take that for face value and figure…yup…that’s how we really are. Blogs like yours give me hope.
They will never leave Gaby alone. We will just have to keep supporting her.
—Naomi