Home Q&A Wednesday Q&A Wednesday: Sabotage From A Significant Other?

Q&A Wednesday: Sabotage From A Significant Other?

by Erika Nicole Kendall

Q: I am in a USUALLY supportive relationship with my partner of 2 years. He is a big man of about 250 lbs. He has encouraged me through sacrificing for, praying for and relocating for my goals.

My weight loss goals however are a different story! He has terrible eating habits and he is defensive about them. Since we live, cook and grocery shop together, his habits truely affect me. His junk food is always available to me.

Outside of two dinner meals he cooks weekly, he eats take out, fast food, with a ton of soda every day.  I am continuing to gain weight and am the only one who sees our shared eating habits as an issue.

Is there a previous post you have written about live-in partners or spouses who contribute to weight gain?

I’ve come close, but not all the way here.

It’s hard for me to really talk about relationships because, as I’ve admitted already, I’m currently abstinent, dating for fun and have been this way for a while, now. I feel like if I give answers that people don’t like, the response is gonna be “Well, she just wants everyone to be all sexless like her… don’t listen to her! She has no man!”

So… just be forewarned. I already know it’s coming. I really don’t care, though.

I think that, sometimes, we expect people to be as excited about us reaching our goals as we are. We really expect people to dive in head first toward us getting exactly where we want to be. We also expect them to change their lives to accommodate us. Just because we’ve had our individual “come-to-fitness” moments, we expect others to immediately follow suit. Doesn’t happen like that.

If they don’t share your same value system – the value system that allows you to make your health a priority – then no, that’s not going to happen. It’s one thing to support someone along their journey. It’s another thing entirely to change something extremely intimate – like your eating habits – to accommodate something you don’t even believe in.

Men aren’t compelled to “OMG LOSE WEIGHT” the way that women are. A lot of  ’em are really ambivalent about it. If anything, society tells men to bulk up. I mean sure, they know who to talk to about that – a bodybuilder-looking-type dude – but they’ll ask me about slimming down. The two are completely different issues… and “slimming down” feels a little more like “girl talk.” That being said… they’re often kind of sheepish about admitting they need to lose. It’s just a product of our society.

A lot of us have significant others who are, quite frankly, just comfortable with how they are. There’s a double standard that allows for men to be overweight with impunity. Women, though? We dominate the fitness commercials. There are no “Shape-Ups” for men. There are no “shake weights” for men. (I know, I know. Sorry.) It’d be nice if we, as women, could experience that same level of satisfaction but then again, that kind of ambivalence is why your significant other thinks that his weight (and really crazy habits) are acceptable. I mean, they aren’t.. but since it’s “okay” for men to be “bigger,” I can see why he doesn’t feel compelled to change.

I also don’t think it’s fair to believe that just because you think he needs to lose weight, that he should just automatically change and accept whatever you’re telling him. If you were okay with where you are, and your significant other came at you trying to change you… how would you feel?

Now.. on to the realities of where he may stand. Does he have access to the same information that compelled you to lose weight? Does he know that it’s not all about eating rice cakes and tofu and bland food? Does he know that it’s not all about “no cookies?” Does he know that he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life in the gym to experience results? A lot of people separate themselves from the possibility of living healthier, more fit lives because they think it requires so much work. They believe the crap that the fitness commercials tell them: “Crunches are hard.. buy our mid-air-swingy-contraption and get a six pack today!” No one wants to spend the money on the contraption, but now everyone believes crunches are hard.

It’s obvious that you both love one another, and maybe his perception of what “healthy” and “fit” entails is what’s getting in the way of him embracing it with you (especially since he’s been so willing to sacrifice for you in the past.) That being said, I will say this for the record – this kind of stuff, for me, is a deal breaker. You want to continue to purchase junk food? I’m going to throw it in the trash. Wild, ain’t it? I make no apologies for it, either. Not in my house, absolutely not. If I tell you that I need certain things out of the house, and you can’t oblige me? We cannot live in the same space. Plain and simple. There is no way around it. As hard as it was for me to reclaim my health, to let that be affected for the worst by an outside force? Unacceptable. (You’d think that this might affect my “options” of men, but as I’ve stated before… not only do I meet more men, but the men I meet are either open to changing – and look forward to it – or are already very fit.)

There’s a quote that I live for – “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I live by it – as evidenced by this site – because you serve as living proof of the benefit of the knowledge you have. If you know how to live healthier, then be a living embodiment of that. Go for regular walks, and come back feeling invigorated. Spend some time relieving your stress by giving yourself ten minutes to stretch in the mornings, and come out feeling limber and happy. Let him watch you do your crunches – or whatever – and keep doing them regardless of how he frowns his face up at seeing you in action. Let him see you enjoying food that is absolutely delicious yet still clean and healthy. He will eventually see your dedication – which is what really matters, here – and your results – which maters even more, strangely enough – and he will feel compelled to talk to you about your changes… and how he can get on board.

Can you cook, even though he’s getting take-out? Really, are you able to cook before he orders takeout? Pick a few of the “sweeter” recipes from the recipe section of the site, prepare them the night before, and tell him that you want to try something different tomorrow. The recipe will still give him that “sweet” [that I suspect he might be addicted to] but will still be healthier than what he’s getting. Go for regular walks, and after your third day of consistent walking, invite him to join you. If he says no, leave him alone for a few days, then ask again. Tell him “I know you said you didn’t want to come before because it was so cold, buuuuuuuut it’s sooooo much fun. I promise I won’t hit you with a snowball if you come!” and see what he says. Don’t badger him about it, but every few days? Invite him. If you don’t stick to it, you certainly can’t convince him to stick to it. You’re kind of asking to carry him on your back because you know you both need to climb up this hill… and it’s literally as hard as the visual makes it seem – you are throwing him on your back and carrying him up a big hill. Be ready for that. You obviously love one another – I suspect that it’s worth it, to you.

What I’ve learned is that you can show a person – way better than you can ever tell them – how simple achieving fitness can be, how within reach it is and how the sacrifice has its trade offs in the long run. If you can see that, you can do anything.

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tk December 29, 2010 - 1:31 PM

the first time i lost alot of weight i was in a long term relationship…he was like you’re wasting money, you’re just going to stop etc..being a basic hater. So when we would go to the store, i would allow him to buy groceries status quo, he or I would cook the sames things that we always ate and he and the children would eat it. I would cook and prepare meals for myself. He would hate on my meals, this is gross you spend too much on it etc. etc.
But after I started shedding weight, he was soo happy…he liked my slimmer physique, the things I could do that I couldn’t do before 😉 and he started tasting the things I made and eventually started eating them at least for lunch or whatever.

Bottom line, I did what I knew was best for me, and I stuck with it regardless of the hate that was coming from my house. When he realized I was serious about it, he didn’t become more supportive (cause he’s not a supportive person, and ultimately that’s why why aren’t any longer together) but he realized I was serious and took what I was doing seriously. A lot less bitching was taking place regarding this situation and he loved and enjoyed my new physique.

When we broke up I gained all my weight back, obviously my issue cause I did it in the midst of turmoil after leaving turmoil I should be good right? yeah right….go figure! I’m back on track, moving forward to get back to at this point where I was when I started…but I know I am able to be successful so I’m not gonna beat myself up too bad about it…it took me about 9 months to lose about 50 lbs and over the course of 3 years I gained about 65 so now back on track is back on track…just like this post

If you wanna do it, just do it…he’s obviously got his own issues with food…so you just have to do what you need to do for you even if that means cooking two meals a night…be friends with your freezer

Ti December 29, 2010 - 1:32 PM

honey, you don’t have to eat what he eats. you mentioned that he cooks twice a week – what is he cooking and what do YOU cook? do you cook twice a week, as well? if so that can be four days of healthy meals instead of two. especially if he’s resistent, start there and then increase over time (not too much time, though)!

he’s ordering take-out and soda, what are YOU ordering? in life, you will always be in and around situations where you will have to take a stand for yourself and make your own decisions. i’m quick to tell someone which restaurants i want to eat in (and don’t) because of the food offerings.

while i don’t agree with Erika’s decision to throw their food away, i understand it. that’s the decision that she needs to make for her AND she sounds like she would be up front with setting her expectations from the beginning. in this situation, you haven’t already done that and i (personally) don’t think it’s fair to forcibly put someone on YOUR path. this is about YOU, YOUR HEALTH, and YOUR DECISIONS. because you made the decision for this living situation, you will need to find a way to stand strong with choosing healthful option for yourself.

going back to my original point, i honestly believe that if you were grocery shopping and cooking more (even if you can’t cook — it’s not hard to learn! there are soooo many quick and easy recipes) he would not turn down a delicious home cooked meal. my boyfriend is a big dude who eats out a LOT and is also addicted to sugar. when he eats at my house, he HAPPILY eats what i cook. he looks forward to it! it’s healthful and it TASTES GOOD. what man is going to turn down a home-cooked meal prepared with love by his woman?

these are difficult decisions to process and to implement but i believe that you can do it! you’ve taken great steps to recognize that there’s a problem and to open a dialogue. i hope you’re talking with him, too. use the love that you have between you to your (and his) advantage.

Erika December 29, 2010 - 7:50 PM

“while i don’t agree with Erika’s decision to throw their food away, i understand it. that’s the decision that she needs to make for her AND she sounds like she would be up front with setting her expectations from the beginning. in this situation, you haven’t already done that and i (personally) don’t think it’s fair to forcibly put someone on YOUR path. this is about YOU, YOUR HEALTH, and YOUR DECISIONS. because you made the decision for this living situation, you will need to find a way to stand strong with choosing healthful option for yourself.”

You are absolutely right! The position I’m in NOW allows for me to make some things clear from the giddy-up. I won’t budge on ’em.

However, that brings me to another question that I’m not sure has a hard answer to it. People change in relationships, and the commitment is to staying with that person, right? So what happens when people change? Are you ever allowed to change what you consider to be a “deal breaker?” What if something becomes more important to you? Is that fair? Is it fair to force someone to immediately comply to your standards?

I don’t know how I feel about that, but maybe it’s worth exploring?

Debbie Estelle January 21, 2011 - 3:56 PM

” However, that brings me to another question that I’m not sure has a hard answer to it. People change in relationships, and the commitment is to staying with that person, right? So what happens when people change? Are you ever allowed to change what you consider to be a “deal breaker?” What if something becomes more important to you? Is that fair? Is it fair to force someone to immediately comply to your standards? I don’t know how I feel about that, but maybe it’s worth exploring? ”


This is a good question… One I don’t have the answer too… BUT, I do feel this is why it is SO important (I am experiencing this now) to take time to go on your OWN journey BEFORE linking yourself with another.

Not that we will have everything perfect, but I think too many of us get into relationships without ever giving ourselves a chance to explore what is important to us. We have emotional issues but never sort through them. We don’t really know WHAT is important and what is not… We never take time to uncover the mystery and wonder that is US before we become US….

I feel if more of us would do the hard work with ONE first… We could become and stay ONE with someone else! Some things are unforseeable… sure! But a lot of it can be seen… if we only look!

It seems for so many of us… that once we ‘discover’ who we REALLY are, we realize that a lot of it was there all along… We just were too in denial, too in a rush, too afraid of failure, too afraid of being along or too afraid of not fitting in to roll with it.

Debbie Estelle January 21, 2011 - 3:58 PM

BTW, as I go on my own journey toward holistic health, I can TOTALLY feel throwing away crap… in my house! LOL!

Not there yet… But when you really consider how much POISON we justify putting into our bodies… And then our CHILDREN would be involved in that? No ma’am!!! (Don’t have children yet).

I can already tell once I really have that come to fitness moment, it will be really hard for me to live in a home that has a propensity toward junk food… I really don’t want to raise my children that way!

Debbie Estelle January 21, 2011 - 4:06 PM

Opps… ‘alone’…

Pretty Keish December 29, 2010 - 1:56 PM

I’m not sure how this post would warrant a”wellwhereyomanat” response. Great info and great words to live by.

I tell you what, if folks are feelin some kinda way about you advocating for the BETTERMENT of our lives tell em to kick lava rocks barefoot!

Erika December 29, 2010 - 2:02 PM

Thank you, Sis! I’m actually writing about this soon, but because of my abstinence, I’m very minimal about what I will tolerate in relationships.. and because *I* personally take such a hard nosed approach to what I consider a deal breaker – and the fact that a lot of people might not consider “he won’t stop buying junk food” to be something worthy of the distinction of “deal breaker” – I just know that it’s coming.

But then again, when I wrote about “building a fit booty,” I was called a “jealous flat-assed chick” because I didn’t want any ol’ sloppy, fat, cellulite-laden booty and was sharing with other women how they could build the same way I was building, lol. People are strange.

Shoutout to the lava rocks, though. I dig that. LOLOL

VM December 29, 2010 - 2:43 PM

Another great article, Erika! This is why I enjoy following your blog – because you’re one of the few bloggers around the internetz that uses her critical thinking and is not afraid to be OPEN, HONEST AND DIRECT with your feelings!! ♥

I also agree w/TK. Regardless of what one’s significant other is living, do things for you. He or she is going to do what they want to do anyway. YOU have to continue to look out for YOU so you can be there for them, and in the meantime and between time, if the S.O. truly loves and cares anything about you and him or herself, they will see how you’re living and come on over to your side. The mantra, “I can show you better than I can tell you!” is one that I’ve heard since I was a young child, and it’s the best way to let others know you’re real about yours.

When he and I were still dating, my husband knew that I was (and still am) an avid user of Tae Bo. So, the first Christmas he and I were together, as a gift, I bought him the Tae Bo Instructional and Basic videotape two-pack. Now, he could have flat out rejected the tapes as well as took offense by the implications of my giving him the tapes, but he kept his mind open to the possibility of trying the tapes out, and he is now a dedicated Tae Bo user. He recently took up running and has lost 40+ pounds since last year. It could have been hit or miss, but I just decided to try something different to see how it would work.

I wish the best for the person who asked the question and hope things work out for her.

Rae @ Rainbows and Dragonflies December 29, 2010 - 4:32 PM

Thanks for this post. I’m going through a similar thing with my husband except he is unhappy with his weight. He gets into it for one day and then he’s back into his unhealthy eating habits. Repeat ad nauseum. Instead of getting upset this time I’m just going to lead by example and get myself healthier by cooking better recipes and working out.

JoAnna December 29, 2010 - 11:38 PM

Hello Erika.
I took to heart the advice you gave me earlier about not trying to change people’s actions, just be the change. It’s kinda working. My extended stay relative has been cutting back on the Church’s chicken (There’s a Tues 2pcs for $1 that’s she missed for 3 weeks!), eating more salads and a lot less complaining about the lack of pop in the house. She had lost another 5 lbs on her last Dr visit, so she’s seeing some results. On the other hand, she wants to totally revert back to old habits for the holidays!

I’m drinking a glass of water and waiting 5-10mins afterwards in the face of all these tempting well meaning sabotaging leftovers… But I’ve noticed that I’m craving greens and salads lately, more than fruit or sweets. I’m attributing that to my 3-4x/week workouts and clean eating. I also know that when I cook a pot of vegetables, it’s huge! I like being able to grab cheese, crackers, and heated up veggies and then collaspe in bed with tired muscles. I also like putting the workout as a priorty before cleaning the house, dishes, etc. I’m not seeing any changes in my body yet, but I notice that my outlook is more positive, and I’m calmer.

Randi January 5, 2011 - 5:06 PM

I don’t quite agree with the whole “throw out” the food you don’t want in the house. I understand it but I don’t agree.

I feel like there are other things he can do before being that drastic. It’s about compromise and if he still wants to buy junk food then he needs to earn extra money for his own junk food items and not use joint household grocery money for junk. Also he needs to find his own junk food spot that she knows nothing about to stash his junk food.

Also while I understand (being on a weight loss journey myself) it’s hard to avoid the food you are not supposed to even when it’s in your face. Let’s have some self control because in the world you can’t live in a bubble. You will be in various situations that will test your will-power. I understand that your home should be your sanctuary and you should have to struggle so much in your sanctuary but it’s also his. You are asking him to change in a way that he is not ready to and just as he is being unfair to buy things you no longer want to eat and keep them in the house. You are also being unfair by demanding he stop eating said things right away.

I had to deal with that with my parent’s & brother. (who moved into my home) Their house is SNACK CITY. Every type of sugery sweet ridicolous snack I used to love they buy. Along with cooking up every part of any animal they can on the bbq on an almost daily basis. For the first few months we shared the entire kitchen area. Too bad I wasn’t losing any weight. Eventually I said enough and made them purchase their own fridge & told them to keep all snacks & other junk in their part of the house where I can’t see it. Since then everything is good.

I feel it’s all about baby steps and compromise. If you are in a great relationship with an understanding man despite what he wants to do he should be able to change with you. If not….then it may be time to re-evaluate.

Erika January 5, 2011 - 5:20 PM

No, no, no. I DESPISE this whole silly “self-control” argument.


As I’ve said before:

… there are COUNTLESS studies done that state that the longer you have to stare at something in your house, the more likely it is that you’ll eventually give in and eat it. “Will power” is a MYTH when you’re dealing with foreign substances chemically ALTERED to IMPAIR your ability to “control yourself.” If you want proof that “will power” is a myth, then look around – if “will power” were so reliable… there wouldn’t be 2/3rds of Americans overweight.


Maybe if we were dealing with whole foods created with whole ingredients, then will power would be an issue. We’re NOT! Ol’ boy is chowing down on take-out (NOTORIOUS for use of processed foods and chemical alterations.. and I KNOW THIS because I spent YEARS working at a franchise restaurant!) and soft drinks! C’mon.

My site talks about REMOVING these influences from one’s life, THEN getting down to the business of normalcy, whatever that may be for that individual. And THAT includes developing self-control. I know this, because that is what my life has become… and my site chronicles my life. Self-control, will-power, whatever – if a corporation spends $80 million dollars to create the RIGHT recipe that will make more people buy it, use LOTS of it and buy it again… then guess what? Someone just invested $80 million dollars in our country’s collective inability to maintain control. (You might want to check out David Kessler’s “The End Of Overeating” for background on THAT.)

Food addiction might seem like a behavioral addiction, but as I’ve written before… food – by nature of reproduction, perpetuation and basic survival – alters moods at a base level (and is naturally combined with elements meant to prevent us from overindulging.) When food uses certain chemicals intended to alter how things taste to us, combined with an influx of the very things that alter our moods (and are devoid of the things that are meant to prevent us from overindulging) it is ABSOLUTELY a chemical addiction. You can’t tell me otherwise without serious scientific proof.


So… we should write all kinds of major issues off as “excuses” or “enabling” and tell people to “suck it up” even after several months pass and no progress is made? No Herculean will power develops? Word? Again, do we address alcoholism in this way? Hell naw – the adults in the situation take one another into CONSIDERATION and help so that the alcoholic doesn’t relapse. Y’all keep overlooking that, though.

Y’all aren’t scared to ask a man to stop leaving the toilet seat up, are you? You afraid to ask a man to not leave food in the sink when he clears his plate? Those are wishes. You ask your mate to comply with them. If they don’t? Then YES, there’s a problem! And to some of us, some problems are major and others are minor. If food and health are big enough of a deal to a person, it becomes an issue. Y’all are trying to drag this to extremes for the sake of argument… but the reality is we make requests and ask for compliance of others EVERY day. All this “superiority/inferiority” talk is really just… talk.

I spend every day explaining why processed foods are harmful. Studies come out every year explaining why we lose our ability to control ourselves and how that plays out in our day-to-day interactions. Why, all of a sudden, when a man is involved… it’s “have some self control?” If self-control made so much sense in THIS current climate (the same climate we CLEARLY identify as being problematic on THIS site), would two-thirds of Americans be overweight?

Being out at an event is FAR different from staring at something in your house every day. Something that you very well may have, at one point in time, had an addiction to. Do we put up this same kind of fight with alcoholism? Seriously? No, we don’t. We understand the chemical dependence and people shuffle around where they can to accommodate and help the aggrieved party heal. It’s NO different, here.

Randi January 5, 2011 - 5:46 PM

I understand that. I’m not saying should should be scared to ask him to remove anything but does he also have to remove it from his life? They are living a life together..yes…but just because one person is changing can you flat out demand that you other also change as dramatically. The situation can be addressed a bit more diplomatically.

Like you said “be the change you wish to see in the world”.

Like I said above why not have him purchase whatever foods he wants and keep them no where near her and in an area she knows nothing about. Also make him eat it elsewhere. She said he cooks only 2 nights a week. There are 5 other days for her to cook (and more than likely turn him onto the healthy lifestyle with great recipes). She doesn’t have to eat the take out he buys and in fact tell him to eat his take out in another room by himself and she cook herself a healthy meal and surround herself with what she needs.

I guess it’s slightly the same as throwing away the food by making him consume it alone. I just feel it’s less harsh. Like another commenter said above her husband eventually jumped onto the bandwagon. Since she has already said he’s been more than supportive in other aspects of her life, he may just need to see her “doing her” for a bit before he realizes he needs to jump on the bandwagon.

Also I may add that it should especially be done diplomatically if this is a relationship she’s expecting to see to fruition (marriage/children). I mean it may take drastic measures to make him understand the seriousness of the situation.

I told my Bf the day I was going to becoming a fitter/healthier version of myself. I said jump on the bandwagon or not but from now on things will be this way for me. I also gave him a list of things he needed to do alone from then on. It took him a good year but he had no choice but to eat what I purchased/cooked. He ended up becoming a runner and losing 90 lbs. Now we keep each other in check and support each other in fitness goals.

Stella May 2, 2011 - 6:54 PM

I agree here with Erika and I have been married 11 years and with my husband for 14 years. When I began to change he didn’t want to change although he needed it as much as I did. I’ve tried many times before to cook separate meals for him and healthy meals for myself. It simply did not work! I would be so tempted and eventually would give in. Sometimes it took days and others it took months but the results were always the same. I GAVE IN! This time I took a new approach and only made one meal. He either ate it or made other arrangements. Poor thing was hungry for a few days and then decided to try some things. He couldn’t wait to tell me after work that the spaghetti squash was actually tasty. He even told a woman at the church who was struggling with the same issue with her husband that she should do what his wife did! He is eating much better and reaping the benefits of this new life style just like I am now. He is a type 2 diabetic (as well as myself) and now has excellent control over his blood sugar levels and has more energy than ever. You MUST take over the reigns over your own life and those who love you will come along…if they truly love you. As Gladys Knight once sang “I’d rather live in your world than live without you in mine”.

Tabitha August 9, 2011 - 7:58 PM

Junk Food – THROW IT AWAY!

It is not even REAL FOOD.

Would we keep cyanide in our fridge? Arsenic in our cabinet?

“Wasteful” and “drastic” would be throwing away, clean whole foods like meats, veggies, whole grain breads/pastas…..but for people to defend saving food that barely meets the definition of “edible” is ludicrous from my perspective.

I say, whatever it takes to keep that trash out of your body – DO IT!!!!

ATR February 27, 2013 - 3:52 PM

This is something I worry about. I’m single but dating. My eating habits and weight loss are extremely important to me but it’s a fairly recent change. I feel bad about wanting to mostly date men that take care of themselves since this is a fairly new thing to me. I feel like I don’t get to have such standards or something because I was once overweight and had a horrible diet.

I honestly don’t want to be faced with snarky remarks about my food or looking at someone’s plate thinking “ewww.” I don’t want to cook 2 meals. I don’t want the resentment that comes out in situations like this. I don’t want to sit across from him and stare at those lemon pepper wings and fries with cajun seasoning on his plate, lol. But I really do enjoy being able to talk about healthy eating, working out, etc with a guy. I want someone that I could actually workout with and isn’t afraid to try new and different foods. So I don’t know…I’m trying to figure this all out.

ANJI November 13, 2013 - 3:28 PM

I’ve been married 15yrs and have 4 kids. When I met my hubby we were both big, over time just we got bigger. Me 325lbs and him over 400lbs. I decided that after watching many of my family members suffer and pass away from diabeties that I had to make a change if i wanted to be around for the kids (also be more active with my children). So far l’ve lost 80lbs. But he is still big and he seems to resent me. He would ask me to get him junk from the store or buy fastfood. I began to cook more and help the kids eat healthier, but he buys them junk as if he doesnt want to be big alone. Its become a strain in our relationship cause he thinks I’m going to leave him for someone else. I want to help him but he gets defensive and I get the point of “forget this crap, I’m gonna do whats best for me”. I truely feel that persons pain on sabotage in the relationship. THANKS FOR THE POST AND GREAT ADVICE.

Elle November 13, 2013 - 10:27 PM

Such a good Q&A. I’ve had some experience with this. My then-girlfriend and I went on a “diet” at the same time to get better. But the more I learned about healthy eating, the more I stuck with it while she did not. Honestly, it was hard. We lived together, cooked together and ate out together. She had junk food in the house and I just had to tell myself no.

We would go out to get cupcakes after taking walks in Central Parks which usually meant she got a coffee and a cupcake and I just stuck with coffee.

We would shop exclusively at Whole Foods, b/c she worked there.. discount and everything. We would go to the hot bar to get dinner or lunch or whatever. Our portion sizes would be completely different, like mine would be half of her’s. But I just had to stick with it honestly and just think about my health. I never pressured her to change her habits. I do think I helped a little by trying to eat as many vegetables as possible and eating as cleanly as possible, but at the end of the day you really have to focus on yourself.

It’s kind of cold, but.. we were together for almost two years.. and then she broke up with me (after I had lost 100 pounds). I mean, it’s been awhile since then but mostly I still have my health under control. It is hard, like I just moved to the West coast and so many times I’m invited to eat out and I order the vegetarian option or the amazing ice-cream place. Just have to focus on you.

Also, on the two meals thing – we honestly just made our own different meals except if it was a dish we both enjoyed and could except like salmon and vegetables. But I do agree that it is hard when you don’t have the support and the person you’re with is doing the exact opposite of what you’re trying to do. Or puts temptation in front of you all the time.

Good luck <3

Melissa June 9, 2014 - 8:51 AM

My boyfriend has had his -come-to-fitness- moment before. He went to the gym everyday, sometimes twice. Ate healthy. Cut back on the alcohol. Everything! He lost the bit of weight he had and ripped a six pack. He did it all before. When we got together all that he wanted was for me to “Come-To-Fitness” but I wasn’t there. I tried. I went to the gym with him at 5am. (Not that I wanted too, I hate mornings) However, I did it for him. It only lasted about a week and I quit. I told him I couldn’t work out in the mornings and I need to go after work but he couldn’t compromise his morning workout. Well then he quit! We drank more, ate more junk… it was horrible. I gained 80 pounds and he gained 30. Lucky him. Now I’ve had my moment. I workout 3 times a week, twice with a personal trainer. When I first told him what I was doing he went to M&M Meats and bought a bunch of party food!!! I was so pissed!!! Chicken Strips, Potato Skins, Stuffed Shrimp. Like COMMON!!! =( I told him how I felt. He won’t be doing that again lol So the good news now is I just convinced him to buy bicycles and we went for our first ride yesterday, 13km. It was a little difficult but I loved the burn!!! I am hoping he can stay on track with me. He worked out at home this morning so that is a good sign! I want him to join back at the gym! And stop eating fast food at work!!! Relationships are hard when you’re trying to change yourself for the better. He is worried I will get all fit and leave him for someone else. Which I would never and I told him that. Silly man.

Sabirah June 18, 2014 - 6:09 AM

I absolutely love this.

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