"Shades of Blackness" by Laurie Cooper. Click to view enlarged portrait and purchasing options.
I received a comment this morning that ties an awful lot into an essay I’m currently writing and, as I found her comment to be pretty indicative of something I keep seeing when I see people talk about food, I wanted to know what the family here thinks.
On the “Working Out Is For White People” post, ThatDeborahGirl wrote:
I don’t agree with the statement that “Food, is just food.”
Food speaks to nationalities, cultural roots and family traditions as much as anything in the world society. So to change our eating habits is truly to change our lives and step onto new ground. It is a radical thing for some people. Definitely for me.
I consider myself to be a very picky eater. For all that I am overweight because most of the foods I like are salty, sweet, fat laden. And although I’ve made great strides over the years, I still have a long way to go. I never equated my issues with food as a part of a cultural issue. But there’s a ring of truth to this that I can’t quite deny. That as a light-skinned black woman it’s not easy to reject who I’m “supposed” to be and embrace “who I can be” when that means another level of rejection by my black sistas.
Because we are hard on each other. We really are. And then again, I can’t imagine not going to a funeral and afterwards not having fried chicken, green beans and macaroni and cheese or mashed potatoes, with baked chicken set aside for those who are trying to eat “healthy” and this is seen as an improvement.
And don’t get me started on baby showers where we really show our baking hand. And Thanksgiving and Christmas where I can still be found to this day cleaning chitlins and making spareribs and boiling greens and baking beans to get the flavor in but taking most of the nutrional value out.
How to change this when even something as simple, in my house, as vegetarian lasange or even taco salad are met, by my mother, with derision. And so I go back to cooking what she likes and what feels good because it’s home. And I if I sneak in a spinach salad at work or rack my brain to try to think of healthier ways to cook the foods we like – the idea that I’m trying not to reject decades of family history- my black history – is only surprising to me in that I never thought of it before.
Because I do speak proper English. And again I am light-skinned. And so many brown skinned black women all my life have gone out of their way to show me that, as a light-skinned black woman, I’m not as black as they are – literally and figuratively. I understand it, even if I don’t like it – it is what it is. But if one of the few ties that bind I have is food…how can I bear to loosen yet another line to those I love?
Do I understand what she’s saying? Yes. That’s not where (or why, for that matter) I’m hitting a brick wall.
I think I’m much more interested in what this means for us as a community. Specifically this:
Because I do speak proper English. And again I am light-skinned. And so many brown skinned black women all my life have gone out of their way to show me that, as a light-skinned black woman, I’m not as black as they are – literally and figuratively. I understand it, even if I don’t like it – it is what it is. But if one of the few ties that bind I have is food…how can I bear to loosen yet another line to those I love?
Can I get some thoughts on this, here?
58 comments
I don’t get it. I understand and agree with the statement that food isn’t just food, that food is tied to culture. But, I don’t see where skin tone comes into play. Does the commenter mean that in order to “belong,” she has to eat “black” food? I know our issues of skin color run deep, but I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve heard of any correlation between skin color and food. I’m not even gonna touch the “proper English” comment. I’m curious to see what others say.
So am I. I think there’s a lot going on there… but I’d rather open it up to y’all before I go there.
Beautiful piece. You make a really interesting point about skin tone, identity, and food. As a Black/Mexican woman, I understood your point. For complex reasons I may over-identify with collards (veggie-style please!) and cornbread because I want to affirm my blackness. As if having that plate of fried okra and mac and cheese screams, “See, I’m Black enough!”
I wonder how many of us Black-identified folk are striving to be “black enough” – more than we sometimes discuss. Whether we are considered light or darker skinned.
Your story invites us to ask how much the food we eat is connected with our identities.
I understand. She is saying that she feels ostracized because she is fairskinned as a black woman by many other black women. She wants to feel like a part of “her People.” However, she gets constant reminders of her lack of pigment. So, how is she supposed to do all she can to “act black.”
God forbid she eat grilled chicken or skinless fried chicken or her spinach salad in peace!!! I get it. I have heard it before or got totally ignored when I lost weight because I have a body type that is curvy, but curvy women must watch their weight because an hourglass can turn to a circle really quickly…
So, she doesn’t feel she can eat the way she needs to for heatlh sake because the other sistas might say, ‘see, see..we knew you wuz like whitey all along!!!’
I understand completely what that sistah is talking about, all my life I’ve been called snowflake, white girl the list goes on and on because I didn talk like the other sistah around the way. lol here’s the kicker just because I cook healthy meals for my family no other black people including family won’t come to my house and eat # just foolishness
I’ve never commented before so first let me say that I LOVE YOUR SITE, & views & love the drive & knowledge that you have & share..
My opinion & I hope it isn’t considered harsh but I think it is AN EXCUSE, your “family & friends” if they LOVE you they want you to be healthy & to do & be the best YOU that you CAN BE… who gives a bleep if they don’t understand & can’t appreciate if you are SERIOUSLY trying to do what’s best for you..
Family or not family / friends….. you have to do whats best for you.
Best wishes…
Ericka
I must say that I think what the poster isn’t realizing is that one has nothing to do with the other. Being black can’t be taken away because others don’t think your black enough by the music you listen to, the food you eat, the clothes you wear or the proper use of the english language. It is something you are. They can’t take away womanhood anymore than they can take away your blackness.
As a black woman I whole-heartedly reject the notion that being black means having to cook unhealthy food that is killing me and my family. Being black should not require being unhealthy and overweight. Sure we’re curvy but the last time a checked curves did not equal lumps and bumps and cellulite.
Black culture is as diverse as we allow it to be. Saying that it can’t include greens that have nutritional value, chicken that isn’t fried, baked goods that aren’t loaded with butter and sugar. Everyone’s family is different but for me and mine, our food will be filled with nutrients to sustain us and keep us alive and well.
Food is definitely a cultural issue and it doesn’t just effect black folk! Most cultures have some form of “comfort food”. I’m not sure where she was going with the “I’m light skinned and I speak proper English” comment so I’ll leave that alone. What bothers me is that her mother doesn’t like when she makes her healthy dishes. I understand that she lives in her mother’s home and she has to respect her, but she has the right to eat foods that will help her to live a healthy life.
I think she was saying that because she speaks proper english and is light skinned darker women have always told her she isn’t black.
What I gleaned from the OP’s comment:
Because food is tied into culture, and the original poster is a light-skinned black woman who presumably had to prove her “blackness” due to her skin tone, rejecting certain types of food might be perceived as rejecting her blackness (since others may not see her as authentically black anyway).
So it is a lot going on, I get it, and these nuances should be acknowledged. That said, at some point, you have to press on anyway, and consider if these people with whom you want to develop/maintain a connection are worth potentially sacrificing your health and well-being. No one can live your life for you.
It may not be easy, but it really is that simple, in my view.
Regarding the community aspect – well……community requires mutual effort by most, if not all, interested parties. If I’m the only one attempting to maintain that connection, it ain’t a community. The black community is such a vague term anyway that it bears no meaning for me.
“Regarding the community aspect – well……community requires mutual effort by most, if not all, interested parties. If I’m the only one attempting to maintain that connection, it ain’t a community. The black community is such a vague term anyway that it bears no meaning for me.”
Now THERE is a point. “Black Community” and “Blackness” are two terms that are so vague, in a sense, that scrambling for a definition (or a community) has left us clinging to harmful ideologies in the name of “Black.” Maybe we need to stop looking for what Black “looks like” and just accept the fact that, if you claim Black on your census form (that’s a U.S. thing), Black looks like YOU.
That is a great point Daphne. I nhave always felt that way. I do think that I know where she is coming from. I think she feels that perhaps continuing to eat the fried chicken and such is one way to keep her “Black Connection” ; that this is an area in her life that she can actually can tweak or has some semblance of control over. I can’t say that I agree, but I do understand. There are people who really do equate things like eating better with trying to be white or better than another so perhaps in her mind, she just feels it’s easier to not alienate those around her. I know that food has a lot of cultural significance. This is why it is sooooo important to foster a voice in our children so that they can become people who are not afraid to stand in their truth. No one should feel bad or be made to feel bad because they don’t want the lifestyle another chooses especially when it comes to making healthier choices for themselves. It’s ridiculous. I am thankful that I have always felt comfortable in my own skin so to speak. I won’t even begin to speak on some of the attitudes and theories that float through our communities. These mindsets are really dangerous
I’m new to this site and this is my first comment. I’m not sure I can say all I want to say without letting my frustration show. I’ll start with the fact that I understand food as a cultural identifier. I’m from New Orleans and I’m proud of it. We have the best food in the world. It transcends White, Black, and everything else because it’s an amalgamation of cultures, cuisines and experiences. But I’m not going to eat shrimp po-boys every day to maintain my cultural identity. I’m from New Orleans. Period. I’m Black. Period. I eat salads instead of jambalaya. I grill my fish instead of frying it.
If you’re using food to relate to and be popular with people who, from what I’m reading, sound like they don’t have any appreciation for you in the first place, you’re fighting a losing battle. They’ve already damaged self-esteem and self-image. Maintaining unhealthy habits to continue to hang on the fringes with them is futile and frankly, an excuse to keep doing what you’ve always done and not put forth any effort. You’re taking care of them and not yourself and they don’t appreciate it. If you took care of yourself for a change, you should find more of the acceptance and praise you need coming from your own self-worth and not some very infuriating idea of what it means to be Black.
My thoughts:
1- being light skinned is the likely result of forced miscegenation with our African ancestors – part and parcel of the Black Experience
2 – speaking English well is likely a result of the strides our forbears made to make sure we could have a quality education (the fight for educational opportunities is part and parcel of the Black Experience too)
3 – Eating well is a way of taking care of yourself – and taking care of yourself does not make you less Black or less of anything else.
It can’t be that food is one of the few “ties that bind” anyone to their culture – including this woman’s. I agree with a previous commenter – there appears to be a bit of excuse making going on here. Why is her family required to approve of her steps towards better health? It would be great if they were supportive but her journey towards better health is only hers – going for the life you want sometimes requires going out on your own to get it. There are so many websites (like this one) and communities out there that can provide moral support if she really needs it. Why can’t she cook her vegetarian lasagna and prepare her spinach salad while preparing traditional lasagna and potato salad for her mother?
I would recommend that this woman seriously take stock of all the things that connect her to her culture – sit down and make a list of everything if she needs to – and really consider how all these things connect her to her culture. That might give her the motivation to make the changes she needs to make in her eating, while understanding she is not diminishing her “blackness” while doing so.
I too, agree that culturally, food– how it’s cooked, when and where it’s eaten, etc., is a huge thing. But, I think that’s true for all cultures, as it is an identifier of origins, history, social mores and values in any community. I agree too, that it can be hard to break through the barriers that we find in our communities, even amid our family members, to moving beyond unhealthy habits and engaging in changing the way we view food and its impact on our daily lives.
The commenter made me think back to Ericka’s comments the other day about the whole “crab in a barrel” syndrome. I think that principle is, many times, even more magnified in our family members! This makes it hard, but not impossible to carry out the changes that will keep us coming back to future family reunions, Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases.
What helped me is that I found a remnant among my family members who desired the same healthy changes as I did and we ran with it! There are only seven of us, but as of this date, we’ve lost a combined 65lbs since January 1, 2011! We have deemed this our ” Family Weight Loss Challenge” and we are excited by the competitive element (We are all chipping in a set amount each month for seven months and the person with the highest percentage of weight lost wins) and by the changes in our overall health and well-being. We are also there to support each other at family gatherings when opting for healthier alternatives to the “soul food” we grew up on.
As for the comments made about the issue of skin color, I think I see the correlation she’s making because I was raised in Louisiana and grew up in a community and culture there which valued skin color as having a direct correlation with beauty, worth and even intelligence.
I connected it this way: If you look a certain way (light skinned with good hair), you are a part of a certain group and are expected to behave yourself accordingly in order to truly interact with that group. Likewise, if you are a part of a family/racial group you are expected to expected to eat a certain way in order to truly interact with us. All black people must eat “soul food and love watermelon and fried chicken” I get it…
As a race, black people have even perpetuated this phenomenon for years. I mean, look back at the beginnings of sororities like AKA and DST. When I was in college there was still an unwritten code that said that if you were darker than a paper bag you weren’t AKA’s ideal. Dark girls were Deltas! They’ll deny it, probably today, but I lived it.
Likewise, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had black people question whether I am really black, not because of my skin color, but because I passed on the fried chicken and collard greens swimming in pork grease!
I think forums like this, where we are unafraid to challenge these attitudes in our community and families are important and extremely helpful and I thank you for the opportunity to put in my two cents worth!
A comment is just that a comment. Its a capture of thought. Sometimes it is difficult to fully express oneself in a few paragraphs. Written words can be more difficult than spoken words. ( Trust me – I have rewritten, disgarded and bashed many emails). I believe there is more to the OC’s story.
While I am not a light-skinned black women, I do emphatize with her and the idea that our relationship with food and what we associate with food runs deep – especially when so much of your life (and perhaps identity as in the OC’s experience) has been dictated by living a certain (unhealthy) way. It’s the tie that bonds. The thought of breaking that psyche runs deep. It requires stripping yourself to the core and yes letting go of some people and traditions. The thought of that may leave you vunerable especially when that is all you have known for most of your life. You may wonder who will be with you on the other side of the journey. Hell, you may wonder who you’ll be on the other side of the journey.
I am a Haitian American. When I think of the number of starches, fried foods and limited vegetables that are part our meals, it make me dizzy. I am trying to be the change I want to see with healthier options, new and healthier ways of preparing old favorites and an active life. It still doesn’t prevent my mom and aunts from thinking I am rejecting them and not embracing who we are as Haitians.
Yes, I know its about their (my family’s) limitations and not mine……. but that team BGG2WL hurts deep. Especially when there are days when I am unsure myself.
These are my thoughts as well. I think she’s coming from a personal place of experiencing rejection from “her own” people. I can understand that, I’ve been there even though I’m dark skinned.
So to “reject” the food that so many of us love, is to reject them or another form of you think you are better than me. To this day going to my mother’s house will result in me bringing home some dish that more than likely is cooked “old school.” To say no is like a personal rejection to my mother.
I think where the OC is coming from, doesn’t really have to do with her color or speaking properly. It’s her frame of reference. It has to do with the rejection that she faced and the fear of rejecting her blackness because of how others may react.
“The thought of breaking that psyche runs deep. It requires stripping yourself to the core and yes letting go of some people and traditions. The thought of that may leave you vulnerable especially when that is all you have known for most of your life. You may wonder who will be with you on the other side of the journey. Hell, you may wonder who you’ll be on the other side of the journey.”
YESSSSSSS!!!! That can be quite scary for many people. It hurts me that I am not now and probably will never be close with my famil but I feel that family is as family does so I refuse to get caught up in titles that are not befit for some people. Everyone can’t do that however, and I get it. It could be an excuse or it could be a real struggle for her to fit in/not offend. I wish her peace of mind.
I don’t really get what she’s saying. I’m light skinned as well and I don’t feel the need to be “blacker” than a brown skinned woman. To me it sounds like an excuse to not eat healthy. I mean if you look at it, the reason why black people eat unhealthy stuff is because when our ancestors were slaves we had to eat the scraps, the stuff the white people didn’t want. I went to Senegal nearly 30 years ago and I didn’t see overweight people there, most of the people I met were vegetarians.
Just have to say that I love this blog. This is also my first time commenting. When my family gets together for holidays or special gatherings, it’s expected that certain foods will be served. The macaroni and cheese, potato salad, ribs, pies and cakes – those are tastes of home. We look forward to them and enjoy them, but they’re not what we eat everyday.
My grandmother who died at 100 years and 6 months was active for most of her life and ate fresh vegetables from her garden. My mom (79 years young) regularly exercises and eats balanced meals because she wants to continue to be healthy and active. I try very hard (and I’ll admit don’t always succeed) to follow their example.
Based on what I’ve seen in my own family, I don’t see how making healthy food and lifestyle choices has anything to do with being accepted as “black enough.” No one should have to do self-destructive things in order to be acceptable to someone else. Once we start trying to define ourselves (or others) by one narrow set of criteria, we run into a whole lot of trouble.
Erika thanks for sharing this post. It has certainly opened the door for an interesting discussion!
No one should have to do self-destructive things in order to be acceptable to someone else. Once we start trying to define ourselves (or others) by one narrow set of criteria, we run into a whole lot of trouble.
Excerpted from “Food Is Not Just Food In The Black Community” | A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss
Thanks Eva. I truly liked this. This actually sums up most of what we face here. If you are truly proud of your blackness. you will eat what we are supposed to eat if it kills you.