Home Celeb Watch Why Serena Williams Victim-Blaming Comments Didn’t Surprise Me

Why Serena Williams Victim-Blaming Comments Didn’t Surprise Me

by Erika Nicole Kendall

Trigger warning for sexual assault, stalking, victim blaming, and general annoyed ranting.

Tuesday night was, apparently, quite a doozy ’round here:

imagesDuring an interview with Rolling Stone contributor Stephen Rodrick, a television news segment prompted Williams to discuss the case involving the sexual assault of a 16-year-old girl by high school football players.

 

“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don’t take drinks from other people,” Williams said to Rodrick. “She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”[source]

As much as I love Serena – and by love, I might mean #nohetero – I was really grossed out by this.

Grossed out, but so severely unsurprised.

She did issue a statement on her own website, though, expressing her true, PR-polished, emotions:

“What happened in Steubenville was a real shock for me. I was deeply saddened. For someone to be raped, and at only sixteen, is such a horrible tragedy! For both families involved – that of the rape victim and of the accused. I am currently reaching out to the girl’s family to let her know that I am deeply sorry for what was written in the Rolling Stone article. What was written – what I supposedly said – is insensitive and hurtful, and I by no means would say or insinuate that she was at all to blame.

I have fought all of my career for women’s equality, women’s equal rights, respect in their fields – anything I could do to support women I have done. My prayers and support always goes out to the rape victim. In this case, most especially, to an innocent sixteen year old child.”

…which, I sincerely believe she means.

What I’ve come to realize, in public dialogues I’ve had on twitter with other people far more vocal about the issue than myself, is that people sincerely don’t realize what “victim blaming” truly is. People – people who, apparently, include my physical fitness hero – don’t understand rape, don’t understand sexual assault, don’t understand the fact that rape is not always merely a “crime of opportunity,” don’t understand the sheer reality that says “Yes, you can do all the things defined as ‘the right things’ and still be raped.”

And why is it so hard for people to understand that? Because we live in a society that disregards these things as silly, implausible, half-truths. The only people who successfully learn just how little people can do to stop rape… are the survivors. Those of us who’ve had the therapy, done the emotional healing, and successfully given ourselves the space to grow from the situation know exactly what victim blaming looks like, smells like, feels like more than anyone else, and because of its pervasiveness, it’s difficult to change.

And that’s a damn shame.

…especially since Serena, once, was blamed for inciting a stalker by posting photos of herself, on her twitter account, that looked like someone was peeking through a peephole at her:

This month’s celebrity gossip included a scandal over a photo Serena Williams tweeted of herself that was quickly taken down. The photo was of Williams in a bra and panties behind what appears to be a curtain; you can see her silhouette and some fuzzy details of what she is wearing. It was timed to correlate with the release of the World Tennis Association’s Strong is Beautiful campaign, featuring Williams of course.

This is the photo that Serena was dissed over - an official photo from an official Strong is Beautiful campaign run by the US Tennis Association. Yeah.

This is the photo that Serena was dissed over – an official photo from an official Strong is Beautiful campaign run by the US Tennis Association. Yeah.

Williams took the photo down because of criticism. A man had recently been arrested on charges of stalking her and the image, critics claimed, was exactly the kind of thing that triggered men to stalk her. She shouldn’t encourage the creeps, said the blogosphere. Sports columnist Greg Couch, for example, called her a hypocrite for daring to release such a photo and still wishing to avoid being stalked, and then went on to discuss her appearance and clothing choices at length. [source]

None of this ever happens in a vacuum. People who are blamed for what happens to them often, in turn, resort to falling right in line with the cycle and continue to force others to feel accountable for the actions of others. It makes them feel empowered, when – in actuality – it creates an inability to properly heal. It’s a part of the game. I don’t expect anything about being a tennis dynamo to make Serena exempt from that cycle.

In fact, on one of my old posts where I wrote explicitly about victim blaming, I had a really frustrating dialogue with a woman who felt empowered – and weirdly so – by the idea that she, too, could do something to help her not feel like prey:

Her: I think the fine line comes in when people can’t seperate putting yourself in a bad situation and provoking rape. You CANNOT provoke rape. What you wear, say, or do cannot cause or stop someone from raping you. You CAN put yourself in a bad situation regardless of if you’re raped or not.

Leaving the club with a man you’ve never met before? Drinking until you black out in an unsafe enviorment? Getting into the car with random strangers? Those are not safe activities. No matter what people believe we DO NOT live in a perfect world. Acting otherwise is foolish.

We SHOULD be able to do a lot of things: leave doors unlocked, let children roam the neighborhood freely, be vurnerable around whoever and remain safe. In reality, we can’t. Yes, even people with alarm systems get their homes broken into, children who are carefully watched are kidnapped, and women who do everything “right” are raped. We can’t control evil people, they will find a way if that’s what they want but shouldn’t there be a way to teach safety without it being “blaming the victim”.

I was always taught that I cannot control anyone but myself. That I need to be careful and aware of my surroundings: do not drink to a point I’m not in control of myself, do not accept rides from men I don’t know, leave the “party” with the same people I came with, etc. NO that doesn’t mean that nothing will ever happen to me, but at least I know that I’ve done my best to assure that I’m not in a compromising situation to be snatched up or hurt.

Unsafe behaviors are unsafe behaviors. Bad things don’t always happen when you engage in unsafe behavior and refraining from unsafe behaviors doesn’t mean that bad things will never happen.

For men, I think we need to teach them what rape is. It’s amazing what some think is okay, and it’s because they were never taught differently. Many rapist don’t even consider themselves as such. I’d be really curious to know the statistics as far as rape “types” – date, random, drunken (unable to say yes OR no).

Me: “We SHOULD be able to do a lot of things: leave doors unlocked, let children roam the neighborhood freely, be vurnerable around whoever and remain safe. In reality, we can’t.”

I don’t think anyone is denying this.

The question, however, becomes… “if you DO do one of these things, and you are raped as a result, is the rape your fault?”
If your answer is yes, then you have to accept the fact that you are blaming the victim for someone else’s actions.

Regardless of whether or not you put yourself in a dangerous situation, it isn’t your fault that someone else chose to break the law.

I’m no longer willing to equate burglary with rape, because it’s still far easier to convict a burglar than it is a rapist; our perception of “well, if was your fault that you left your door open” doesn’t prevent us from finding it illegal for someone to enter into your home uninvited and steal your property. “It’s your fault since you got drunk” somehow still manages to prevent juries from finding it illegal for someone to enter your body uninvited and disregard your right to consent.

Her: Point taken. No, I would not say it was her fault. You cannot control the actions of another. Period.

And it really is a “langage” thing, as I was typing I wanted to say “If the rape is a result of drinking”, but that implies blame and that’s not what I’m thinking. I hate using qualifiers, but in my mind it’s:

It’s NOT her fault, BUT.. (if the rape was connected to drinking)

Could it have been avoided? Possibly

Are there situations where there is NOTHING the victim could have done differently to create a different outcome? Absolutely

I’m not talking things such as, if she had wore different clothes, not flirted as much, taken a different route – but more general safety things.

If I get naked and pass out drunk, I’m STILL not asking to get raped and it’s NOT my fault. But could I have acted differently and not been in that situation? Yes.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can take responsibility for my own questionable activites without accepting the blame of being raped.

And you are right about burglary. It doesn’t make it right, but I think that is because it’s more concrete. It doesn’t matter HOW it happened or why – guilty is guilty. It SHOULD be the same way with rape, but a lot of the time (when it IS reported) it’s seen as he say/she say. No one knows exactly what happened unless they were there and that’s why it usually becomes a battle of character – who SEEMS more trustworthy. Who’s story to believe, who’s story seems more likely. If she was drinking and flirting did she WANT to have sex? If she has bruises or is injured I think it’s much more cut and dry – but outside of that? It gets ugly, and I think that’s why so many never say anything. If you’re already hurting and KNOW, considering the way our court systems are, you’re going to get dragged through the mud – why report it?

ETA: I don’t think that any of the victims actions (outside of saying yes/no or not being able to say either) should play a role in how the rapist is charged. I don’t think it should be a part of the trial/defense any of that, because NONE of that should matter when it comes to judging the rapist. It doesn’t make it anymore okay or the act any less of a crime. I think it’s something we should realize, but legally it should be moot point. I just don’t agree with refusing to see that point of view completely or not teaching girls how to TRY to be safe.

Me: “I just don’t agree with refusing to see that point of view completely or not teaching girls how to TRY to be safe.”

I feel like people always make this weird argument that to challenge victim-blaming means that we don’t teach people how to be safe. You teach people to be safe, but to imply in any way that THEIR actions are the cause for someone else committing a criminal act and abusing another person is inaccurate and, you guessed it – victim-blaming.

You keep trying to gussy it up in fancy language and “rational arguments,” as if that makes it better or more sensible. Just accept it – you are more comfortable believing that you have some ownership in what happens to you, and you’d rather perpetuate that instead of accept the fact that we, as a society, are at the mercy of people who don’t always have our best interests at heart. You could be wearing a habit in a church, and if the wrong scumbag comes for you, it’s still a wrap. You don’t get ANY say in whether or not you are victimized some day. Your efforts to waste my time arguing about what amounts to pretty victim-blaming are better spent going around and telling people to NOT victimize people and NOT commit rape. Seriously. I’m not budging on this.

Her: “going around and telling people to NOT victimize people and NOT commit rape”

And what do you HONESTLY expect that to accomplish? Rape it wrong, go you. You know that, I know that, rapist know that. Does that matter to them? Doubtful. People know stealing and killing is wrong, yet they still do it. So clearly teaching our children right from wrong has not cured all that’s wrong with the world. The only pt that this MAY be effective is teaching all the different forms of rape, that’s it’s not always a stranger attacking a woman that’s kicking and screaming.
99.9% of rapes might be unavoidable, but if “victim-blaming” and pointing out how doing certain things can put you in a dangerous situation causes even ONE girl to rethink that 3/4/5 drink that would put her over the limit – I’m for it. I’ll own that.

Honestly, I don’t think either of our “arguments” would be highly effective in lowering rapes. IMO that can only come through strict legal consequences that treat all cases equally without regard to circumstances. Stop letting men claim ignorance to the fact that what they did IS actually rape regardless of if they view it that way or not. Stop putting rape victims on trial when cases get to that point. Stop confusing bad choices (drinking/leaving with strangers) with criminal ones and thinking that one excuses the other. A party girl raped while passed out drunk is just as much of a victim as a nun raped in a church. A wife raped by her husband is just as much a victim as a woman raped by a stranger. Both of them had something taken from them against their will and the circumstances surrounding that shouldn’t change how they’re treated or viewed.

And yes, I rationalize everything lol. That is how I make sense of the world and I’m fine with that. Even though I’m sure my posts seem like a jumble of randomness I love that this has helped me crystalize my views for myself. Sometimes it’s hard to write down exactly what I mean and this kind of helped me work through it.

I think it’s only fair to point out that this, in a sense, is also me trying to work out my own past. It’s hard to wonder, if I had been sober and SAID “no” would it have changed anything? I will never know, but by the same token I will never put myself in that situation again where I have to question myself. Was it my fault? No. Could it have been prevented? More than likely.

I lived.

I learned.

Me: “And what do you HONESTLY expect that to accomplish?”

A lot. We wouldn’t know the outcome, because we’ve never tried it.

“Rape it wrong, go you. You know that, I know that, rapist know that. Does that matter to them? Doubtful. People know stealing and killing is wrong, yet they still do it.”

But why? Have you ever had the phrase “rape culture” defined for you? People steal and kill for a multitude of reasons, none of which make that even remotely similar to rape… something that we enable in society.

“I think it’s only fair to point out that this, in a sense, is also me trying to work out my own past. It’s hard to wonder, if I had been sober and SAID “no” would it have changed anything?”

It’s not only fair; it’s obvious. And that’s what makes these kinds of debates around this issue so difficult: so many women on the side of “it’s not victim-blaming!!!111ONE” are trying to find ways to accept culpability in a situation where they have none.

I think you need to have a fundamentally sound understanding of what rape culture is and how it contributes to an environment where people are things, put on display for the pleasure and satisfaction of a potential rapist. You can be smart and be safe, but understand that if you are still attacked, even with all your smart-ness and safeness, it’s not your fault. You can NOT be smart OR safe, be attacked, and it’s still not your fault. To say anything else implies a victim has culpability in the crime committed against them, and they are in fact blamed for their attack.

There is no amount of hefty paragraphing that can change that.

I am so, so very saddened to hear that my suspicions were correct, and hate to know what it has done to you. I do hope for the best for you, though, as you continue to work through your past.

Quite frankly, this dialogue – and its unfortunate result – is hella common.

The fact of the matter is that, as a society, it is far more assuring (and easy) for us to believe that we, as individuals, have a say in whether or not we are victimized. It’s really terrifying to think about just how much of our existence is at the mercy of others. If we understood that we need to ensure that people don’t rape (or, for that matter, don’t fart or burp in public), and if we policed rape-enabling behavior just as much we as policed piss-poor manners, we’d be doing the work of defeating rape culture.

…and since we’ve done none of that, no..I don’t expect progressive brilliance on the part of my hero. I can only hope that she’s willing to see, and grow from, her stance.

You may also like

16 comments

Renise June 20, 2013 - 4:34 PM

As a victim – I have SO much to say. But honestly you said it so perfectly. “You can be smart and be safe, but understand that if you are still attacked, even with all your smart-ness and safeness, it’s not your fault. You can NOT be smart OR safe, be attacked, and it’s still not your fault. To say anything else implies a victim has culpability in the crime committed against them, and they are in fact blamed for their attack.”

Once upon a time I thought I was safe, and smart and still I was raped. The only thing I could have done differently would have been to have easy access to a weapon or grown about a foot and a half, and been a boxer, or a wrestler or be psychic (you get the point). Once I was able to see that I absolutely held no blame, I was able to truly begin the healing process. I hope that the woman you had that conversation with is able to come to the point where she knows she is NOT to blame, and is able to heal.

Holly June 20, 2013 - 5:05 PM

The interesting thing is that when I was reading both of your comments I felt you all were saying the same thing. She was saying it is never the victims fault and you said the same thing as well. She was adding that she does feel that just because it is not you fault if you are victimized don’t do things that put you at risk. I have been raped 2 times in my life. Once was when I was 5 and the other I was an adult. I once had someone tell me I asked for it when I was younger and that they did not believe what I said happened happened. It took me growing up and getting over the second one to realize it was never my fault. I was not loose, hoe, or any other words people threw at me when they learned that I was not a “virgin” at that young age. I will not deny that the experienced changed me but as I look back on my life I would not change it. The good things that have happened definitely outweigh the bad things that came from the experience. You might say how and all I can say is that what others made for my bad God made it for my good. Do I wish I could have arrived to this point in my life with out the hurt and pain? I do, but since I did go through it I am glad my test turned into a testimony.

Jayde June 21, 2013 - 2:07 PM

Clearly, if Serena did not what to say about it or didnt care about delivering her message in a positive way. She should have avoided the question. Point Blank….

kiyah June 23, 2013 - 3:35 PM

I can compare this case to a women walking home at night and is attack. Unfortunately, as much as people talk how they care, they don’t always feel bad for the women who drank herself unconscious and was rapped. My mother always warned me against putting myself in a bad situation. I used to think she was over protective; however, i quickly learned she was right after witnessing countless attempts of sexual harassment of drunk girls my first year at college.
These men need to go to jail but just like a girl/women would cross the street(ect.) if she was walking down a dark street at night and saw a man. Why aren’t girls afraid to drink themselves into a comatose and feel safe around some man?

maljazur June 23, 2013 - 3:39 PM

I am SO frustrated by the fact that every time someone speaks about the girl’s irresponsibility in this situation, they are “blaming the victim.” As if there is no such thing as both parties being stupid and dumb!
I do not need a lecture on anyone else’s definition of victim blaming. We can simply agree to disagree. The fact that the boys were wrong for sticking their fingers where they clearly did not belong does not automatically make the girl a victim, in my eyes and the eyes of many Americans who have been silenced, in fear of being called insensitive, stupid or somehow in support of such behavior.
I wonder how parents of young ladies can even find the vocabulary to instill the importance of carrying themselves with dignity and self-respect with all this “so what!” madness going on. “So what she was drinking! So what she was unconscious! So what she treated herself like a piece of meat! So what she was out at some ungodly hour!” I hope my daughter doesn’t come across some of ya’lls rantings and get the notion that I will be running to her defense if she’s in a situation like this. Love her? Absolutely! Continue to counsel and nurture her? Of course. But defend her foolishness? H&ll to the naw…
ALL the teenagers were underage drinkers. ALL of them made poor choices and allowed their judgment to be clouded. Just because her vagina was involved does not make her a victim. If her 16 year-old drunk self had gone out and gotten behind the wheel and struck a football player, would we still see her as a victim?
The boys should have been reprimanded for disrespectfully violating that girl. The girl should have been reprimanded for being a huzzy (as my grandmother would have called her) all out in the streets and I shouldn’t know anything about it all the way here in Texas. Welcome to the world of social media…

Erika Nicole Kendall June 23, 2013 - 10:49 PM

“I am SO frustrated by the fact that every time someone speaks about the girl’s irresponsibility in this situation, they are “blaming the victim.””

You know why? Because…what does her being inebriated have to do with two boys choosing to violate her right to consent? THOSE BOYS made the epitome of irrational, thoughtless, dangerous, criminal decisions. The fact that they saw an “opportunity” does not change the fact that THEY STILL MADE THE DECISION. How is it HER fault that THEY chose to violate her? Leaving yourself open to the “opportunity” doesn’t change the fact that they had a choice…and they chose to be scumbags.

“I wonder how parents of young ladies can even find the vocabulary to instill the importance of carrying themselves with dignity and self-respect with all this “so what!” madness going on.”

As a parent of a young girl, I can tell you – I raise my daughter to carry herself with dignity and self-respect, while also raising her – AND MY SONS – to respect other peoples right to consent, and to look out for themselves and their friends. I teach them that RAPE IS NOT OKAY. I teach them that ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN ENTHUSIASTIC YES IS AN EMPHATIC NO. I wish brilliant people such as yourself would teach their children the same, that way when my SOBER daughter is out on the street…she doesn’t get snatched up by YOUR kid that YOU fail to teach THE BASICS.

“I hope my daughter doesn’t come across some of ya’lls rantings and get the notion that I will be running to her defense if she’s in a situation like this.”

Boo, I sincerely hope you never – and I mean, EVER – have children. And I hope the ones you DO have are NEVER burdened with the struggles of navigating this WITHOUT you, since you are so woefully incapable of handling it.

“Just because her vagina was involved does not make her a victim. If her 16 year-old drunk self had gone out and gotten behind the wheel and struck a football player, would we still see her as a victim?”

If her vagina is involved without her consent, then yes…she is a victim.

This correlates poorly with her getting behind the wheel of a car and hitting someone, because THEN she is willfully committing a crime. Do you, somehow, find having your vagina violated while intoxicated somehow similar to vehicular homicide and DUI?

“The girl should have been reprimanded for being a huzzy (as my grandmother would have called her) all out in the streets and I shouldn’t know anything about it all the way here in Texas.”

Your grandmother… because women who were coming of age and grown in the 50s are ALWAYS the beacons of light on equal human rights. Does your nana still believe that women belong in the kitchen and not in the boardroom? Who believes men were supposed to be “gentlemen,” who expected to be rewarded for their gentlemanliness with pussy? Girl, you better get a grip. I don’t know about you, but I personally like the idea of giving it up at my own discretion, and I value my ability to CONSENT. If you don’t, then that’s on you… but don’t go screwing it up for the rest of us. You and your antiquated notions of respectability, instead of people being courteous and respectful because THATS HOW YOU CONTRIBUTE TO YOUR SOCIETY, definitely don’t do anything to help keep anyone safe. The existence of morons like you doesn’t change the fact that those boys made an awful decision, and that needs to be dealt with.

Welcome to social media, love, where HOPEFULLY you’ll learn something. Good grief.

Anna June 23, 2013 - 5:07 PM

I am going to make the analogy to a burglary only in this way – my sons didn’t lock the door to the garage and their bikes were stolen. Should they have been able to leave the door unlocked and had the safety of not being victimized? Yes. Is that reality? No.

Same thing goes with rape. There are things we can do to minimize our risk and protect ourselves while still understanding that we are vulnerable and can still be raped.

Just like the garage could have been broken into even with it being locked. But, the likelihood is that the bikes would not have been stolen because it was a crime of opportunity.

I am a rape survivor from several different times and there were some that could never have been prevented and there are a couple that happened because I put myself in a bad position. Does that mean I was responsible? No, because the men could have been moral, but weren’t (unlike my awesome husband who taught me what men should be like!) But I could have done things differently to avoid the situations in the first place.

Erika Nicole Kendall June 23, 2013 - 11:07 PM

“But I could have done things differently to avoid the situations in the first place.”

Your 2+2 does not equal 6. Your choices have absolutely nothing to do with the next person sexually assaulting you. You don’t know if someone is going to break in your house TONIGHT and assault you. How will you blame yourself for that? You should’ve put bars on the doors?

“Don’t rape.” It’s really not that hard, guys.

maljazur June 23, 2013 - 11:29 PM

I’m sure it was unsettling to see the number of people who supported my position on the matter. It can be hard to accept that not everyone sees things the way you do, but to silence respectful critics does your credibility no good. I posted my comment expecting that the vast majority of responders would have an opposing view. I’m sorry to know that you exercise your right to shut down those (on your fb page) who disagree with your position.
It is clear that your personal experience has resulted in you being emotionally invested in this topic, but I encourage you to accept that it doesn’t make you an authority.
I replied in frustration but with all dues respect. I expected the same in return. Now that I know that this space is not for dialogue, but instead Erica’s amen corner, I’ll excuse myself and leave you to your ego-strokin’
Nothing but love….even in my absence.

Erika Nicole Kendall June 23, 2013 - 11:38 PM

A woman who called a sexual assault victim a “hussy” wants to know why she was banned from my facebook page, and then wants to call it ego-stroking when I choose to not indulge her.

Girl, you better go get your life before I give it to you.

maljazur June 23, 2013 - 11:16 PM

I was following your response until I learned that I was a “moron” for disagreeing with you. I choose to end the dialogue here. But trust…there’s plenty to say.

Erika Nicole Kendall June 23, 2013 - 11:32 PM

You called a rape victim a hussy for being violated without her consent… on a blog written by a woman who openly discusses her experiences with both being raped and kidnapped. Being called a moron is, quite frankly, pleasantries.

Learn from it, or don’t. Just don’t be one of those typical Internet trolls who keeps coming back after they’ve announced their Hollywood exit.

Glo June 23, 2013 - 5:27 PM

In the discussion you posted, the woman said “Rape [is] wrong, go you. You know that, I know that, rapist know that. Does that matter to them? Doubtful. People know stealing and killing is wrong, yet they still do it.” The thing that struck me about this comment is that rapists DON’T know that rape is wrong. That’s the problem with victim blaming and rape culture: rapists believe that there are a number of situations in which rape is not only justified, but expected. There are a ton of rapists out there that don’t even know that they are rapists because WE AS A SOCIETY KEEP TELLING THEM THAT RAPE IS OKAY. Every single time we tell a woman that dressing a certain way/acting a certain way leads to rape, we are telling rapists the same thing. I don’t know why people don’t understand this.

I’m 23 years old, and looking back on the last few years of my life, I can list several situations that I put myself in that could be seen as “dangerous.” I’ve gone home with strangers (not to sleep with them, but just to hang out because they were fun people), I’ve walked outside alone at night, and I’ve been so drunk in public that I needed someone to drive me home and walk me back into my apartment. In none of these situations was I even touched inappropriately, let alone raped. You want to know why? Because none of the people surrounding me were rapists. People might say that I’ve just been “lucky” to have been surrounded by decent guys, and in some ways, that’s true. However, all women should be afforded this privilege. Women should be able to move freely through public spaces, even in naive and irresponsible ways, without rape being a “consequence” of their actions.

Erika Nicole Kendall June 23, 2013 - 11:26 PM

“I’ve gone home with strangers (not to sleep with them, but just to hang out because they were fun people),”

Here’s the thing, though. How do we define strangers? If we become friends with someone, how much do we believe we know about them before we’re comfortable with the fact that they might not assault us?

I mean, women marry men who then – in marriage – abuse and disregard their right to consent, and vice versa. Do we not understand this?

As much as I want to understand and embrace the stranger myth, I’m reminded that many – MOST – sexual assaults occur between people who are not, in fact, strangers to one another.

I struggle with my own understanding – the duality of feeling like rape culture is the problem AND feeling like I need to protect my child – when I read about you being “lucky,” because I think “Damn,” but you know what? Why is that “luck?” Because we should expect men to take advantage of a situation and act like moral-less scumbags who cannot control their minds or actions or penises in the face of available vagina, regardless of receiving consent? And that’s an awful – awful – way to look at this.

Kalila February 23, 2014 - 8:42 PM

What everybody should get from this is that it is never the victim’s fault. I went on a date that turned bad after he started drinking and forcefully kissed me. I got away from him fast. I called a male I trusted and he was ready to come and get me after he frequently assured me that it was not my fault. I related the same story to a “friend” and she wanted to know what time of day it occurred and what movie we saw. I could see her mind working on a way to place the blame on me. Sad that we do that to each other.

There’s a documentary called NO and in it a woman says that if the penalty for stupidity was rape, there would be a lot of men bent over. Rape is not a crime of poor judgment. Any behavioral expert will tell you it’s a crime of power, the perpetrator’s need to exert his will over you and the release he gets from it. Notice how there are a lot of women and closet victims coming to the defense of rapists. Where are the men telling dude how he could have avoided the situation or letting him know what is unacceptable behavior? How many men will share a story of violating someone who is unconscious or inebriated? None will publicly because they know it’s wrong.

Erika Nicole Kendall February 23, 2014 - 9:12 PM

“if the penalty for stupidity was rape, there would be a lot of men bent over.”

“Any behavioral expert will tell you it’s a crime of power, the perpetrator’s need to exert his will over you and the release he gets from it”

“Where are the men telling dude how he could have avoided the situation or letting him know what is unacceptable behavior?”

“None will publicly because they know it’s wrong.”

BOOM GOES THE DYNOMITE

YES

DAMN I LOVE YALL.

Comments are closed.

Are you ready to join the #bgg2wlarmy and achieve your weight loss goals?

 

 

Join the squad, and let's reach our goals together!

— Regular positive affirmations

— The latest news in food & fitness

— Delicious recipes

— Insightful discussion

— Tips to help you on your journey