I used to be annoyed by her presence.
She always had on workout clothes… whatever those were. She just always looked like she was headed to orrrr just leaving a rough and rugged workout session. I hated that. She couldn’t ever just have on a cute outfit, some heels and have freshly ran a comb through her head. No. Just workout clothes.
She was always talking about how she “eats whatever she wants,” but when I look at her plate… there was no pie. There was no ice cream. There was no snacks. There was no big hunk of meat in the center of the vegetables. There was no fried anything. Who WANTS food like that?
She was always walking somewhere. I mean… always. Her gas bill must’ve been crazy low, because the chick was always walking. Da hell? How do you walk everywhere? Everywhere? Really?
And grocery shopping with her… awww, good grief. Grocery shopping with her was beyond annoying. She’s always turning her nose up at things she sees in the aisles, and reaching for staples. Stuff that had to actually be cooked. WTF? All these glorious foods in boxes that only require a little microwaving… and you want to cook? How stupid is that?
She was always saying “no” to things, too. “No cookies, no cupcakes… I’m not in the mood.” How is someone “not in the mood” for cupcakes? CUPCAKES? Hell, the PRESENCE of cupcakes gets me in the mood for cupcakes! How can you say no to that? The possibility OF cupcakes in and of itself is serious business… it is not to be turned away. Ever!
Her little frame… it was hard for me to not hide my scowl, wondering how on Earth she pulls it off. I mean, I’m comfortable in my own skin an’ whatever… but her? I bet she sticks her finger down her throat. There’s no way a woman can look like that without going to extreme and drastic measures.
She’s so obnoxious… with her glowing skin, ponytail swooshing back and forth as she walked somewhere…ugh. If I could be me, but look like her… I’d be happy. No one wants to be that damned obnoxious about looking good, anyway.
I swear I used to think these things about that fit bitch.
Well, until I became… that fit bitch.
It’s actually kind of interesting. The position I’m in, because I write for this blog, makes it especially ironic because when people DO ask me how I became “that fit bitch,” I can just point them to this blog. What answer do I get?
“I don’t wanna read all that shit. I just wanna look like that… and eat what I eat.”
It’s so funny… because I used to swear that I could accomplish that, too – eating what I eat and looking the way she looked. It never dawned on me that her benefits were the result of her lifestyle, much like my consequences were the result of mine. And until I changed that, I had no choice but to live out the consequences of my lifestyle. My lifestyle – the combination of choices that I make each day.
I didn’t want to be obnoxious. How bizarre is that? I didn’t want to learn how to live and be healthier because I perceived it as being obnoxious. I never actually questioned what I found to be so obnoxious about it in the first place… I never questioned whether or not it was fear that kept me from pursuing living like her. I just wrote it off as being obnoxious, and went on about my merry little way.
And, isn’t it funny how that works? I decided that it was obnoxious because it wasn’t common place. She was “being different for different’s sake.” She was “being uppity… turning down cupcakes.” She was “being stuck up – bourgeois, even – by turning her nose up at the stuff in the grocery store aisles.” Not once did I ever ask why… because I felt indicted by her choices. Her visible decision to not live like me felt like a judgment on MY lifestyle choices, and instead of opting to learn and understand why she does what she does, I wrote it off. Even though I knew that how I was living wasn’t working for me, I wasn’t ready to be humbled and receptive to learning how the way SHE lives was working for her. Funny how that works.
Don’t get me wrong – I know there are lots of people who find me obnoxious right now… with all my proselytizing about sugar and processed foods and being active and no quick fixes and no excuses, blahhh, blah blahhh, blah blahhh… all that bouncy mess. I’m also acutely aware of the fact that that’s the reason why many people “cling” to me. There’s literally NO representation of that kind of woman in our day-to-day lives (at least, that’s the truth for many of us) and while I might annoy the hell out of the people I deal with on a daily basis… they still have an outlet to satisfy their curiosities regarding how I live the way I live and why I make the choices I do.
I’m also aware that lots of people feel like the choices I make are a judgment of them personally. They’re not. Lots of wonderful people make – what I’d consider – misguided decisions every day. The choices I make for me are what works for me… and while I certainly don’t judge another person, I definitely make a judgment regarding any decision – if I like it, I adopt it for myself. If I don’t, I let it fall by the wayside. That’s how life works. It’s not meant to be personal, it’s not meant to be taken personally.
I’m always amazed by how we allow ourselves to be ruled by the perception that others hold of ourselves. I mean, I’m more amazed by it NOW because I’m more conscious of it now.. but even still, do we fear being “the obnoxiously fit bitch?” Do we hold ourselves back because we fear offending the people we love the most? Or do we write off the opportunity to learn a little something from someone we think may have the answers because we fear feeling told “you’re doing it wrong?”
In the grand scheme of things, how much weight do their thoughts truly hold with us? Enough to prevent us from achieving our own goals? Really? The same America that scowls at the presence of “the obnoxiously fit bitch” could also use a lesson or two in how to be fit… what, with the 60%+ of Americans being overweight, at at least half of that number being obese.
So… I’m sayin’. Stop looking at your neighborhood “obnoxiously fit bitch” as if something is wrong with her just because she’s different. Ask her why she makes the choices she makes. Accept that her answers might make you uncomfortable, and embrace that discomfort as an opportunity to grow. And for goodness sakes, adopt her cupcake philosophy. Just say no!
103 comments
I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I’m a fit bitch and damn proud of it.
This is so good. I have struggled at the office. 1-for not eating the cookies and pies. 2-for people having opinions about the diet I follow. It can get straigt-up awkward. People take food so personally. I am new at this job and I actually found myself partaking in food just to fit in. Once, I did not eat the pizza on pizza day, and three different people asked me during lunch and a few even asked HOURS LATER “I saw you didn’t eat pizza. Why not?” …Really? Is it that odd to turn down food?
WOW!!! WTF @ “I saw you didn’t eat pizza. Why not?”
OMG!!! *gets up from chair just to fall down and faint… nose first*
LOL. I actually just left a (forced) holiday luncheon where there was all kinds of catered foolishness. I tried to sneak and eat my own lunch and got the side eye from my co-workers. I ended up chewing on iceburg lettuce and a chicken breast so I would look like a team player…but dang why is that serious?!
Sooooooooooooo true!
My roomie and I recently went gluten and dairy free. People get soooooooooooo offended! I don’t understand why. And they make all kinds of snide remarks!
“Once, I did not eat the pizza on pizza day, and three different people asked me during lunch and a few even asked HOURS LATER “I saw you didn’t eat pizza. Why not?” …Really?”
Not only that – but “Why is your nose even in *my* plate?”
I mean, we know why — it’s the “If you don’t eat some too, then I’ll feel bad for eating it” crew … but I don’t think anyone else makes me roll my eyes that hard.
Oh how I can relate..people can’t believe I have no sugar, no flour, no salt (well I use the salt on the driveway when it gets icy). I hate chocolate and my only real vices are whole wheat pasta, cheese and wine. They know when coming to my house, the tea in the fridge doesn’t have sugar in it and there is no soda in my house. My son is the same way..lettuce doesn’t stand a chance in our house
Excellent post. So glad to have come across your blog. VERY informative. 80lbs down thus far, & looking to become that “Fit Bitch.”
Well, I’m still a fat bitch, LOL! I kid, but seriously I’m soooo not there yet. I could totally relate to many of the thoughts you shared before. I’m trying my best to do better and make better decisions. I have nothing against the “fit bitch” and actually admire her now. I strive to be like her. Am I striving hard enough? Not yet, but I’m trying everyday. I’m still being looked at like “the fat bitch”, you know when you try to make healthier decisions but everyone looking at you like “you know your fat a$$ want them cupcakes!” I don’t necessarily care what other people think about my decisions but I can admit fighting the temptation is extremely hard when everyone around you is waiting for you to fail! I don’t think many people actually want me to succeed at weight loss. They say they do but deep down I think they like me as “the fat bitch”. Well I don’t. So what would you say to that? I’m sure you have blogged about it before but I’m fairly new to your site. I read your blog because when I don’t feel like eating right or doing the right things to lose weight, your blog reminds me that I have to if I really want it. That there is no quick fix, just healthier eating and exercise.
For example, after a company luncheon, my boss is telling me to take the leftovers home. When I said no, she is like forcing them on me, trying to make me feel bad for leaving them. Everyone noticed I skipped desert and my portions were smaller (Italian food) but I think they doubt you are actually doing this all the time, otherwise why are you still fat? Nevermind that my journey just started (again). I know I have to say no (I left that damn doggie bag there!), but how do you get everyone to stop offering you food! What do you say to us “fat chicks” out here trying to do better and not getting the support from others? I guess I will stand on my firm, NO! I have had to learn that throwing out food is okay, that eating it doesn’t help the starving kids in Africa (that’s what mom would say). I have no problem doing it but as a large woman people always want an explanation when you refuse food. My boss looked at me like I was crazy when I left the food there but her fat a$$ wasn’t taking it home either! LOL
First of all… trying every day is MORE than enough. Trust me.
Secondly… I kinda want to address the rest of this in another post, because I feel like my comments would float off-topic. Either way… be sure that you check back, mama. You may not know it, but you said a LOT.
Dang! Dang-g-g! There’s a post about this somewhere? Where is it??? I have the SAME question; how do I deal with nosey coworkers who grill me about everything I put in my face? I’ve tried “What difference does it make?” or “I’m eating this because I like it”, but people still get all up in my face (and each others) about food.
Loooooooveeeee this blog! And everything about it lost 60lbs so far 50lbs but I’m not feeling calling myself a bitch.We cannot take a term like that n turn in into a “complement” because we feel like it. Reminds me of another word.
Your comment is appreciated, but it misses the point. Thoroughly.
“We cannot take a term like that and turn it into a compliment because we feel like it.”
That’s not what this is about. It’s not about “turning ‘bitch’ into a compliment.” It’s about realizing that we resent some qualities in others or become hateful to others because they are the people we want to be. That’s not about making “bitch” a positive; that’s about asking ourselves why we use the word “bitch” and think in such a hateful fashion in the first place. If you think this is about making “bitch” a complimentary term, you’re missing out on what’s really being said, here.
I totally understand and agree with your comment. I’m trying to be healthier too and I agree with checking this blog out as often as I can keeps me motivated. Keep up the good work ladies.
I love this blog as it gives those in this struggle to support each other! The answer to the question – why do your co-workers, family, etc care when you turn down food/meals – because it makes them face their own unhealthy eating habits. Say strong, ladies!
Man, your boss! I would’ve been side-eying her like crazy. I’m glad you were able to push back against her and stand your ground! I didn’t even think stuff like this happened; my company is trying to encourage people to eat healthier so when we have catered lunch they always break out the salads and vegan options. That’s not to say there aren’t any cookies or anything either, but there’s never any pressure to eat or take home anything.
I soo know what your talking about on this one, i was like you and felt that the “obnoxiously fit bitch” was taking stabs at me, i had to take a closer look at self. Now i’m not at my goal yet but my mind is of that of a “Fit Bitch” I can’t seem to stop praising the “clean eating” way of life to anyone that wants to hear…and some that don’t want to hear me anymore, they must want to tell me to shut the hell up, but i’m like the person who found the internet…i want the world to know that Sonya finally got it!~
LOL Tks again Erika for this blog!
I recently discogered your blog and find it interesting. However, I have to ask – why is the word “bitch” used this way? I supposed it’s something like those who “reclaim” the N-word? Bitch as a positive description always confuses me because I’m not sure what message it is trying to convey. I’m serious – I just want to understand because when I hear women use it they will say that it’s a term of endearment but then when they explain the adjectives it conjures up, it’s usually not positive. I’m interesting in your take on it.
The term “bitch” is my choice because it IS meant to be a pejorative. You’re focusing on the wrong thing, in my opinion..
It’s not about using the word “bitch.” It’s meant for us to question why we consider this woman who is focused on her health and wellness.. her overall fitness… why do we degrade her or write her off as just being “a fit bitch” instead of learning more about her choices and moving positively from there? We intentionally crap on her instead of looking to her as a positive. It’s meant to question the “hater mentality.”
Sorry you got hung up on the word choice, though I like it. It fits what I meant.
This is so true. When I became that “fit bitch” I made a conscious decision not to care what other people thought about me or act in response to others’ perceptions of what I should look like. That’s what makes people hate on the fit bitches: they’re uncomfortable with her choices because it makes them take a second look at theirs.
I am absolutely in love with this blog!!! Please keep up the good work!!!
FEELING THIS!! I was discussing a somewhat similar subject with my husband this morning regarding my weight loss. I dropped off some clohes to my local plus size consignment center recently, and I told the cashier that the clothes I was dropping off had become too big for me because I had lost some weight. She asked what I was “doing”, so I told her that I had changed my diet and started working out regularly, and she responded with a bland, “Oh.” I guess she was expecting me to come out with some quick-fix/magic bullet diet or even perhaps mention that I had had weight loss surgery. Seems that some get real dis-interested real quick when you mention how you’ve been losing weight by putting in the work it takes to get there and then begin to judge you based off of that.
Kind of off topic, I also get a lot of judgements because I am childfree. When someone asks if I have kids and say no and that I’m not having any, I get weird looks, comments and statements of utter disbelief, as if my choice is somehow infringing upon their lifestyle. It’s not a judgment call, it just IS.
Congrats to you VM and keep up the good work.
I get weird looks, stares and not so nice comments when people find out I don’t want children either…I agree it is a personal choice *shrug shoulders*
Hi VM,
I am not sure why people would judge you or stare at you because you choose not to have kids. I have three kids and I love them dearly, but from a parent perspective if you don’t want them, I understand and I don’t see nothing wrong with it. Overlook ignorant people. Keep up the weight loss
Hi Ann!
You’d be the surprised the people who get offended about being childfree. I myself am childfree and plan to stay that way, but I even get men telling me I’m “selfish” for not desiring a baby.
I hate it when you deny me my cupcakes ma’am.
‘Tis all.
*guzzles water*
No… No you don’t. 🙂
This was one of my favorite posts to date. I really felt this one. Not that I’m particularly fit right now, but I know what it’s like to have new lifestyle changes questioned or being accused of trying to be something “different.” I have more people in my lunch box at work wondering “what I’m eating today” than is really necessary. Some people make fun of me (“What the hell is flax seed?”)(Eww, is that broccoli raw?) and some people are genuinely interested in learning about or trying something different. But even the ones who make fun of me, I know I’m getting to them. They come back to the office after a weekend and comment about how something healthy food related, made them think of me and my lunch box. No one has converted yet, and hell I’m still struggling too, but I think if I keep setting the example, I may even be able to bring a few over to the Dark Side. Even if it is just to try a little broccoli!
Side note: I looooooove raw broccoli. And raw broccoli stalk? OMG… I love it. That sweet taste… *wanders off to the fridge*
This may be my first comment on your blog. But I just need to say that I despise your cupcake comments! I believe that cupcakes are a critical component of my super/imaginary healthy lifestyle! I don’t know if I can ever read another post of yours again. Hmph.
*sinks further into denial*
Y’all will learn. Down with cupcakes!
And you can make them in so many ways. So many varieties…. sigh.
Hey Lady! I love the blog as always! I cant relate the hater that downs the person doing what they are supposed to be doing, simply because they am not doing it yet. This actually reminds me of the praise syndrome mentality we have today. I think some fit people are hated on because at some point that person is getting praise or attention for what they have accomplished or maintained, while the person hating is wanting the praise without the work.
Your comment is on point! I totally agree.
I enjoyed your post! Good stuff! 🙂 Reading the comments got me to thinking….
To those trying to understand why people are trying to seemingly sabotage their efforts in healthy eating…I think I’ve got it figured out. It’s along the lines of “misery loves company.” I have totally been in the position where one of my coworkers is damn near trying to force feed me something from the office potluck when I’ve declined numerous times. It seems that the nature of people is that they want others to do the same thing they’re doing, so they don’t feel bad about it. It’s the same as when you go out and you may not feel like drinking. Everyone wants to know why not?!?! They’ll buy shots and try to include you even if you’ve made it clear you’re not drinking that night. If you don’t have a “valid” reason (i.e. I can’t, I’m preggers), then they don’t want to take no for an answer. It’s like they don’t want you judging them because you’ve chosen not to participate. To them, I say DO YOU. Why?…because there’s going to be those days where I know I should eat a salad, but instead take a visit (or 2 or 3 visits…lol)to the snack machine as a substitute for a healthy lunch. We all have those days. It’s just about accountability. I’ve got to be accountable for my health and they’ve got to be accountable for theirs. They’re not going to be the one to have to put in that extra hour in the gym to burn off that bag of M&M’s I decided to eat. It’s all on me. My sweat, my time, my efforts. Ladies, try not to succumb to their pressure or feel like you owe some type of excuse as to why you’re not partaking in the so-called delicious goodies that your coworkers, friends, or family are indulging in. DO YOU!
I left the office during one of the “catered” lunches filled with pizza, pasta and desert. Choosing to head to the vegan spot on the corner and indulge in their almon salad and when I came back to the office, I got so many side eyes that I thought everyone had gone cross eyed……Fast forward 3 months later and I head to lunch with some of my old co-worker and guess where they pick? my favorite vegan restaurant and now they’re starting to take my advise cause they saw the changes in mee….ironically I got the vibe they were trying to check on me to see if I was still following the lifestyle changes….guess what? YES I AM!!!!
well i am in the fat girl category and i understand what Jeannine is talking about. I am trying to take positive step to better my health but as soon as someone see me eating a salad, they ask “why you not having a hamburger, You on a diet or something?” and they say it as if i owe them an answer. and you don’t want to say yes cause as soon as you do, everyone want to tell you what you should and should not be doing, or what you should and should not be eating and take in mind that some of them have never had a weight problem in the whole life or can even imagine what it is like to be 325lbs, then you have the ones that say dumb shit like “Only eat 3 apples a day and a diet Coke at night” and right then i start thinking how did this person get hired? But the worse ones of all is the people that watch every thing eat and every thing you do so the first time you even look at the cupcakes they want to say some shit like “So i see you quit your diet” and if you do manage to keep it to your self and the weight do start to come off, now you starting hearing thing like “Oh that bitch smoking CRACK” so from now on, i have decided TO HELL WITH ALL OF THEM and if someone ask me what i am doing i just tell them i doing me!!
Yes!! I get that a lot. I will, very very occassionally, have a dessert or eat something that’s not the healthiest choice. I’m a little limited since I have to be gluten free. But, I track all my calories, and if I choose to have tortilla chips or something then it’s because *I* chose to… and yet, I get the “I see you cheating… going off your diet, huh?”
And yes, I used to be one who insisted I wouldn’t do whatever so-and-so was doing because I don’t want to be all obsessive, etc. about excercising…. now I’m one who’s “obsessing” and LOVING it! 🙂
I love your blog!!!! I am well on my way to being that “Fit Bitch” yeah “Bitch!” Such a great post, so true! On my journey to becoming that Fit Bitch everything I do has changed from eating, drinking, sleeping and training! As I train for my first half marathon in May, my co-workers are calling me Ms. Fit, and Ms. Athlete! I kinda like!! You are such an inspiration! And I so enjoyed you on Afrobella radio today! Peace
Thats why I come here everyday. I am in good company. I am talked about all the time from family about my healthy eating choices, and those which I choose for my daughter. Sometimes I try to avoid food talk altogether. Its almost impossible though, bc people are always on MY damn plate.
This post was on point. I recently dodged the Retirement pizza party for my boss. While I had to attend, I did not want to eat pizza. Folks all around me ate and looked at me crazy. When it was time for cake, I turned it down also. Of course, there were plenty of questions as to why I wasn’t eating. So, what’s up with that? I said I don’t want any pizza and cake thank you. Can we just be done with it?
But next came the office Holiday party. I did not even want to attend. I simply don’t do them, however, because I am in management it was important I was there. I was scared to eat most things on the table. But ended up opting for the fudge. I know that was not good but I felt a bit of pressure to eat something. It was home made. I brought my lunch that day as I do everyday. Why should I have to feel pressured to eat? That is ridiculous. The fudge was a slippery slope for me and I ended up eating more home made goodies than I should have.
I’m a “Fit Bitch” in training. I kind of love the looks I get when I go grocery shopping with friends and their basket is full of processed food while mine holds and whole and fresh foods. One friend asked “How do you eat that stuff?” (short grain brown rice) Told her that was the same rice we ate when I threw together a shrimp fried rice meal out of my fridge. “But I didn’t see the vegetables you used in the freezer section…” ‘Cause I used fresh. It’s more work, more planning, but I believe the results will be worth it!
People don’t get that it’s a lifestyle change, not a short term diet (like those folks on the Biggest Loser that gained back their weight). It’s lilke quitting any addiction, you take it one meal, one temptation at a time. My weakness is still Doritos and Pepperidge Farms Chessman cookies. Can’t eat just a serving of 3 cookies. 3 stacks of 3 maybe! So I allow a myself 1 bag at Thanksgiving, and 2 other times of the year. Other than that, they don’t come into the house.
Temptation, thou art a butter cookie….
I’m tripping over all these office party stories where co-workers are trying to force feed y’all and question you about your eating habits! (The one time I was questioned at work about weight loss was when I was on Weight Watchers, but nobody bugged me too much, actually, or watched what I ate. I did ENOUGH of that myself!) I work at home now, #thankulord!, so I don’t have to deal with office parties laden with bad food and nosy co-workers turned into food police, however, when I did work in an office environment, I avoided those office gatherings like the plagues. Don’t get me started on office potlucks! Can we say “SALMONELLA”?? LOL
Anyway, back on topic – I don’t ever really remember anyone forcing food on me at a work gathering, but then again, as I wrote above, I never really participated in the office parties much in the first place. LOL
Great Post! I can so relate to some of the comments, my mother in law is my plate watcher lol. If I don’t eat every single thing on the table she thinks I’m acting funny, and really gets offended, but is the first one to give advice about my husband and I loosing weight. Mind you she is the diabetic and heart patient. None the less we don’t eat there often because its always an issue and now that I’m pregnant she accuses me of depriving my baby of carbs and sweets etc…country ignorance is what I call it!
I used to be so ashamed of making healthier food choices in public or being caught changing into my running gear in the ladies’ room after work, just before driving to the park for some miles … because I intently did not want to come off as that “do-gooder” who thinks she’s better than everyone else. I could give a damn, now!
As a society it is so odd (and BACKWARDS) how someone’s satisfactory health or wealth and derivative actions are seen as villainous.
Even at this point in my journey, I associate myself with uber fit “bitches” who know more than I and can outperform me … in hopes that I one day can leverage my understanding, dexterity and physique, to not only reach their level … but surpass it. I’m not exerting any energy in questioning the motives of anyone who is working to improve themselves … shoot, I’m trying to get on, lol.
Madame the Journey summed it up nicely for me. Honestly, everyone that I know trying to be “fit” are doing this like HCG, Jenny Craig, South Beach, etc etc. So I really don’t have anyone right now that I can relate to on this level. I need to find me a next level “Fit Bitch” in my town so I can step up my game. LOL.
I love this post. It’s sad that people are looked upon as being “bitches” just because they’re trying to take care of themselves. I’m lucky though, I work in a place where most of the people are either Asian or Indian and many are vegetarians. Today is our holiday party and it’s mainly Indian and Asian foods, many, many veggie dishes. As for the sweets. Well I brought homemade cookies for the folks. I probably won’t eat any sweets though.
Love this post Erika!
Office parties are hard to navigate because often its a catered affair and they didn’t ask for your input! We had our’s yesterday and one of my co-workers kept egging everyone keep filling their plates at the buffet because there was MORE than enough food. I have recently started working out so that my clothes fit better (esp the dress that I plan on wearing fro NYE). I only hit the buffet once, loaded up on veggies and lean protein, had fruit for dessert, and only drank water.
I am sticking to this program because I want to see results. I agree with VM and Jayren that it’s about accountability and putting in work.
I feel so compelled to comment! I began eating according to my blood type and pounds began to drop. WHY do we have to explain our new lifestyle changes to others (I’m guilty of once being the person explaining). No it’s not “white people food” or “rabbit food”. Healthy tastes so
Yummy after a while. You know what? Food tastes good. Sugar, grease, white rice? YUM! But buying and fitting a pair of size 14 jeans from GAP instead of the 22 from Lane Bryant feels greater than that food tastes! I’m on my way!
I thought this was a very cute blog. I can certainly relate to your journey, as it resembles mine. Back in ’92, I hit my ‘rock bottom’ on a flight from Italy, when I could not fasten my seat belt. At the time, I didn’t know anything about seat belt extenders… thank God. Humiliated and mortified throughout the entire flight, I vowed to take action and make sure, not only that ‘this’ wouldn’t repeat itself, but also any future trips would not have me buying a second seat. The pictures of this once in a lifetime trip, further horrified me, as I came off looking like a dang Sumo Wrestler! And to think, I actually thought I was kinda looking ‘fly.’
I went from Fat Bitch on a diet to Fit Bitch with a brand new lifestyle. Walking, hiking, jogging, spinning, doing Pilates and getting a personal trainer were all part of the new lifestyle. Weighing 286 at my heaviest, I had to come to grips that I needed to change somethings in my life. I went from being a Fat Bitch on a diet, to a Fit Bitch with a brand new lifestyle. My dress size went from 26 to a now size 12. I am always left out of every equation wherever food is being served. I AM very different from the masses and I feel like a snob when it comes to what everyone else eats. To keep from hurting others feelings or making it look like I am judging their choices, I usually say that I have eaten already or that I am allergic. These two comments never get questioned and nobody tries to push that particular food any further. Saboteurs are everywhere. I know that it is a control tactic, on their parts, to see just how strong my resolve really is. I have learned to bring my own food whenever possible, eat before I come, or just skip the occasion all together.
I have had the extreme satisfaction of looking in the mirror, now wearing hot sexy clothing in much smaller sizes, and having the energy of a 20 year old; that confirm…..”Nothing tastes as GOOD as thin FEELS.”
No offense and no shade, but… I hate, hate HATE this phrase: “Nothing tastes as GOOD as thin FEELS.” There’s something SO creepy about it. LOLOL
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Speak the truth!! I’m at the beginning of my new journey with food and fitness (i.e., Post-Denial Era) and it wasn’t until I realized that it didn’t matter what program I was on, nothing was going to change until I decided that certain foods and I were going to have to part ways (or at least not meet up so often) in order for me to live in the manner that I want to. I have a new resolve and am now taking it a day at a time…
BTW, for the 10,000th time – you’re doing great work, keep it up – and you look fabulous!! I’m one year behind you but am following in your footsteps!
Excerpted from On Becoming “That Fit Bitch” | A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss
I love this post. It’s sad that people are looked upon as being “bitches” just because they’re trying to take care of themselves. I’m lucky though, I work in a place where most of the people are either Asian or Indian and many are vegetarians. Today is our holiday party and it’s mainly Indian and Asian foods, many, many veggie dishes. As for the sweets. Well I brought homemade cookies for the folks. I probably won’t eat any sweets though.
Dope article that “fit chick” gets it done and is reflective of strength, devotion, dedication, confidence, and determination PUSH IT FORWARD!
This post was wonderful!! I read this as a person who has recently decided to take my health seriously and workout. You inspire me as a black woman to keep pushing and not allow others to derail my efforts to get in shape and be healthy. Thank you for this post. It really made my day!
First, while I can give up the cupcakes… I beg of you, please not the cookies! Secondly, I totally am amazed at how many are being shamed with food by coworkers and bosses no less. I am grateful that I work with colleagues who are supportive of each other and although I occasionally joke with coworkers who eat just yogurt for lunch- I also give them their props for having the will power to do. Anyone and I do mean anyone who has tried to lose weigh, stop smoking or stop doing anything, knows how hard to it is to do so. I would never think of having to put up with someone questioning me about the choices I put into my body. ( I mean it’s not like your eating a crack pipe in the lunchroom!) Be strong everyone ( said to myself as I ate my cookies) We know that eating well, exercising and making good choices pays off. For those who don’t think so,they can just…… Well they know the rest!
nothing hotter than that bitch!
Ya know…I’m in the process of becoming a “Fit Diva”, but you wouldn’t believe who the haterish onlooker is…..MY HUSBAND!!!!!…lol He ask questions like are “GMO’s really that bad?” and says things like….”I understand the way you cook that is healthier, but I’m used to my mom cooking this way. Don’t judge me because I am not where you are yet.” or “Organic is much more expensive.” OR “I prefer wal-mart over Whole Foods.” I understand that he is the only one working and we also have EBT and WIC (which, WIC does more harm than good) I’m breastfeeding so that already nudges me into the right eating pattern…but hubby just refuses to take the info I find and realize, we could actually save more money if we had a better way of eating. I think I’ll let him read this blog entry…
You could take all the milk they give you and make yogurt. That might help some with doing something with the WIC stuff, rather than drinking milk. I never bothered with WIC because of the issues of what they give you. Juice and cheese and stuff just wasn’t want I wanted to eat! Real foodstuffs would be so much more useful!!
This was so on point! I’ve always wondered how we, as women, are told (not taught) that we are supposed to love and respect ourselves; that we are supposed to have a healthy level of self-esteem. Yet God forbid you are seen doing the things that help you to foster self-love. It’s like we’re supposed to strive for beauty yet act like we are totally oblivious to the fact that we may just be attractive.
I’ve been judged at work for what I eat and how I work out but it’s actually not about us ‘fit bitches’… it’s about the folks that are doing the judging. They are projecting their inner conflict or negativity onto the person they wish they could be like.
I always tell people who question why I live the life I lead… There are two pains in life; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. You make the choice.
Love you ladies!
Another great one Erika!
LOL. This post was awesome. I used to feel that way too at the gym. My fit bitch was a dancer with a flawless body, but one day– I decided to make the fit bitch my gym idol. Instead of being a hater, I decided to watch her to see what she did– and started incorporating some of her moves into my workout. One day, I think she noticed my dedication and improvement, and she actually smiled at me. I’m still not on her level yet (she’s had decades of preparation to my 6 months), but it’s funny to believe that now I’m somebody’s fit bitch.
I wiiiish a mfer would! Sideeye me I WISH!
After I give them the myogdb sideeye they’ll understand! (don’t mind be I don’t keep jobs very long) any way we didn’t see you eat the pizza home come? I would have been like I ain’t see you wash ya ass this morning either, how come? I usually eat at office events because that s less money I would have spent or I wouldn’t have to worry about makin my lunch. But that’s rude, women know why you’re watching what you eat, they just being catty. Men usually are clueless about what we do.
I’m still a fat b that went down to being a thin b( I can’t say fit because my weight loss was due to an illness) to being a fat b again. When I fat I was a solid size 20 on my way to being a 22. 🙁 I have GERD when I first got diagnosed all the foods I loved like fried chicken and chocolate made me feel like my heart was about bust open! It was soooo painful, I dropped down to a size 10! And didn’t know it. I was trying to find clothes for a job interview and naturally went to the plus size section put on the 20 it looked like MC Hammer pants lol they just fell to the floor! So I said to myself maybe these were not tagged right tried on another 20 fell to the floor! I said hmm I must have lost a couple of pounds I went thru this rigamarole til I got the size 10. Ladies when I say I could barely get my head out the door! Lol I was strutting around like a peacock! Well as my GERD got better I went back to the wrong foods and blew right back up again… 🙁 so I’m on a trek again to lose the weight. The size 10s I bought hang in the closet mocking me and the size 20 welcome me back…sigh anyways, don’t let people make u drink the Kool-Aid! If you choose to eat at a job function make sure you eat a little at a time and then try to do some type of physical excersice afterwards…good luck everyone ps sorry for the typos I’m on my iPhone
OMG! I’m a fit chick and I went to the mall with a friend to try on pants. I found out I am down more than a few. I was happy and took pics. I sent a pic to my aunt and she says “Same size I wear. This means you are getting too small!!! I just wish mine was in the same spots”. I said “LOL! I’m just getting healthy”. She says “There’s healthy and there’s thin but you look good!”. So, let’s just say I won’t be sending her any more pics and also I am not even at my goal weight.
So I just chalk it up to what you said about the vanity sizing because these were the __ regular size pants.
Shoot I have worked too hard to let the opinion of someone get me down.
Best wishes ladies and thanks Erika!
What a timely post Erika. I’ m that fit chick, but its a lifelong challenge. I’m a lawyer and won a major case last Wednesday. When I got back to the office, my staff presented me with a red velvet cupcake from a major cupcake store here in NYC. I absolutely LOOOVE cupcakes and chocolate. I graciously thanked everyone and without thinking about it, I gave it away to one of my other staffers. I immediately felt bad about giving away their money. The flip side is I’ve been on this journey too damn long to go down over a stupid cupcake (especially one from a chain store, processed and probably full of high fructose corn syrup to boot). My point is being the fit chick takes perseverance, planning and patience. It can be lonely, isolating and empowering all at once. After all these years it doesn’t get any easier, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Keep informing us Sis!
I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! It seems the food/diet/fashion industries are in cahoots to keep us making the wrong choices and making us long to look a certain way all the while telling us the way we DO look is entirely our fault . . . aint nuthin but some old school pimpin if you ask me, LOL! I’m absolutely looking to become that “fit bitch”; I’m down 25 pounds and working on the next 35. Thank you for all the wonderful information.
I may LOOK like a fit bitch, but I don’t eat like one. I have my moments when I go cupcake/champagne/chip CRAZY!! But eventually I try to balance it out w/some health options. I refuse to starve myself, but what I CAN do is increase my workout schedule. Between running & my personal trainer the weight whittles itself off~~ *ThankYouJesus*
Maybe I’ll get on a strict diet…… one day, but not Today 🙂
I remember reading this while I was in training to become THAT FIT BITCH!!! I laughed then! Now… I’m her.. and it’s weird seeing people roll their eyes at me… i’m like.. “hmmmmuuuhmmm.. i remember when i was you!” lol… and i keep running!
I love this blog. I can so relate to being the “big Girl” and people offering you food and you trying to say no but they seem to “need” you to eat it, or take it home or whatever. I work in an elementary school and OMG, it seems that all we do it eat. I was offered a huge cookie and I’m not a cookie queen, It was basically forced on me and I took it and left, then I threw it away. It felt good actually. I would have normally eaten it just because but I don’t like being told what to do and it was an act of defiance. I also really like the way you talked about what the Fit Bitch does to stay fit. It seemed really simple but really important. I want to be the “Fit Bitch”. And yes, being fit does take on a life of his own. Changing your lifestyle takes courage.
Hi Ericka,
Thanks for reposting your blog topics. This is a topic I would have otherwise missed. You are the truth sister. Thanks for the service you provide.
I so want to be that “fit bitch” but I have sooooo far to go! ugh
my mom (ugh) lol she’s 38 and looks very good 4 her age. Same with one of my aunts she is well over 40 & could pass for 20.She has always taken care of herself her skin even has this crazy glow 2 it. looks like porcelain
I guess I’m somewhat of “that fit bitch” amongst my friends. Luckily for me, they’ve all been super encouraging and actually said I’ve been inspiring them to be more active and eat better! So on that front, I’m doing pretty well.
My one problem comes at work and not in the way you think. Of my coworkers, at least the ones I’m close with, I’m the most physically active. I’m also still the biggest, even after losing at this point about 40lbs total (to give general weight/height info, I’m 5’4″, about 159lbs). While I know it’s more about health than anything else, it’s nothing more frustrating than watching my naturally thin coworkers eat whatever they want, but know that the average person looking at me then looking at them would assume that they are “healthier” or “fitter” than me.
Yes, I know that according to BMI charts, I need to lose another 14-15lbs at least (and do NOT let me get started on the fallacy of the BMI system) but, to be fair, I’ve gained A LOT of muscle since I became more active. While I don’t ever want to be “that skinny bitch” (Serena Williams, holla at me!), I do hate that because I’m not fitting into a certain ideal, people assume that a) I’m not trying hard enough or b) I don’t care enough about myself to “take car of me”, when I do both of these things.
Sorry, I just realized that this turned into a bit of a rant. I know you talked about this in another post about what the body of a fit person and athletes are supposed to look like according to societal standards, but this reminded me that although I am actually “that fit bitch” some people I think still see me as “that fat bitch”. Whatever, when I am running circles around them, maybe then they’ll get the message.
I too, can relate. Especially since I’ve been eating clean for 30 years. (Before eating clean was cool!) People would ridicule me, especially our sisters and brothers. It was distressing so I’d simply smile and say nothing. Now, my peers are breaking down, healthwise. Everyone is coming to me for “tips.” Those same people who decades ago made gleeful fun of me. One thing that worked with the “nosey” co-workers was to simply lie, “I’m severely allergic to XYZ.” Not only could they say nothing more, they suddenly felt sorry for me…tee hee!
This blog is my motivation. I have been a yo yo since I was 18. I am 30 and tired of being the “fat friend”. At first I was getting healthy so I could keep my job because I am in the military. But now I am doing it for me. I am a mother of two children and I need to be around for them. I am on my way to being a “Fit Bitch”.
ok so i get it, you work hard to look good…i’m working on that. It is really hard but when i couldn’t keep up with my three year old the other day, i was like that does it, dodge ball will not give me a heart attack! I have a little issue though, the ”fit bitch” is my friend, she is nowhere near overweight! she is petite and yet she whines about her weight more than me, she has the flattest tummy and well she is absolutely gorgeous. Being around her really gets me down cause we will wolf down pizzas together, her whining the whole time about how bad it is and yet she is so tiny. I wish she would quit complaining about her phantom fat , it makes me feel like punching her! She doesn’t do it to piss me off i’m sure but it drives me insane. And i wish i could just say something but then i would be the jealous fat bitch right? She even makes excuses for me. you had a baby so its understandable that you are a bit big….aaaarggggghhhh, that was 3 years ago….anyhoo rant over….
I love this blog. Realness at its finest. Everyone in NY office is on some fitness kick right now but no one is into a lifestyle change. What I’m going for is a lifestyle change and they are dumbfounded by that! After a month their back to doing what they did before…crazy! But I’ll continue to piss them off by not eating the mess the bake and the sugar death they bring to the office…thank again for being the fit chick! Continue to enlighten the masses.
Hey ericka have you ever used a food scale I recently just bought one to help me track calories.
Nope, though there are lots of reasons why you should use one.
Hi Erika,
Well done to you for taking on board positive changes for a healthier and fitter you. I’ve always loved being fit but I so hear you, when you talk about people asking for advice on how to hit their targets but not being willing to put the time and effort in. What I’ve realised is that people have to be ready to make the changes. Keep on spreading the message about the benefits of a healthier way of living.
Fitnessbuster supporting you in improving your fitness and nutrition.
OK…a side topic. I have had bariatric surgery. I did the research it was my choice and I am not ashamed of it. The procedure I chose did NOT have me waking up a size 2. I slowly gradually lost weight but then it stopped…I hit a plateau. Initially people looked at me as a “cheater” for having the surgery and then I was a “a dumb cheater” because in their words “it didn’t even work”.
I exercise boot camp style 3 times per week my problem is my food choices. I am addicted to sugar as in Hi my name is Penny and I am a sugar addict. I am working on it daily…sometimes hourly but that is my cross to bear. I don’t expect to be a size 2 ever, not do I want to be. I want to be a healthier, more knowledgeable version of me. I tell people I am not a cheater I just chose a different tool to use to reach my goal, I STILL HAVE TO DO THE WORK. SO I am not that “fit bitch” but I am that “cheating bitch” who some assume does not have to do the work. It gets frustrating and hard sometimes. I respect your blog and your followers and just wanted to get thoughts am I kicked out of the Fit Club or do we have room for all kinds?
I’m not gonna answer your question, just because I want to shake you and tell you “Regardless of what kind of ‘cheater’ anyone might deign to call you, it DOESN’T MATTER! This ain’t no club where you get initiated in and have to be hazed with burpees upon entrance. Do you do the work? Then get it, fit bitch!”
I love everything about this!!! U slammed the nail right on the head for me. I hate that chick & i want to be her all at once! And why does living a healthy lifestyle seem so effortless for her but so DANG hard for me???Arrrrrrgh! I have fit “months” but i always slack off & haven’t been able to graduate to a fit “life”. but i will not stop trying…Ever!
Tthis made me laugh. Because for me all the fit B’s were the ones id see running around campus, with their neon sports bras and blond ponytails. They’d be ordering thin crust pizza with light cheese and no meat. It was easy to dismiss them because I figured that was just their culture. I even felt sorry for them, thinking their fathers must have called them fat now they’re afraid to eat lest they won’t find a husband. At least men in my culture appreciate curves! They didn’t want me lookin like no anorexic vegetarian! Lol. Plus, how stupid would I look, running around, jiggling every step. What would I do at barbecues? Ain’t no man gon want me if I don’t fry catfish in Fridays! I was so dumb.
Thanks Erica for your honesty. I posted in my FB Reflections for 2012 some really positive statements, but the one which people have chosen to discuss most is: “Black women are the worst haters & saboteurs when it comes to healthy eating. I’m keeping my white friends.” Anyone can see the humor in this, but when I tell you the comment thread got a little crazy, believe it. I’m not sure why some people take someone else’s health goals as a personal affront to who they are. It’s strangely amusing & sad. BTW tomorrow on PBS, 10pm, there’s going to be a documentary about our relationship with soul food. Can’t wait.
Lol Evon
“Black women are the worst haters & saboteurs when it comes to healthy eating. I’m keeping my white friends.”
Excerpted from On Becoming “That Fit Bitch” | A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss
I’m probably the only black person that can’t fry anything..not one thing and my son will testify to that. So “soul food” wasn’t eaten at our home..pasta is my chocolate
I, actually, thought it was a really nasty and messy comment. Saboteur behavior isn’t exclusive to Black women.
Y’all insist on believing in the worst in other people, as if to imply that you are some exception because you’re not “whatever you think ‘they’ are.” It makes me wonder what the rest of your life looks like, sometimes.
Is that Byron Hurt’s documentary? Saw the premiere of that at Lincoln Center. To be put on the BGGTWL “Recommend” list, definitely, IMO.
Saw it with the Reel Sisters in Brooklyn; it’s a great documentary, full of history and resources, but there’s some inaccuracies (I cringed when the DOCTOR talked about trans-fats in chicken) and an overall premise that I don’t agree with in the slightest…
…but I still really enjoyed it. Even bought an autographed copy from Hurt himself.
This post reminded me about how I didn’t want to lose weight because I felt that all skinny people are bitches and I didn’t want to be that person. I’m fat and I’m a nice girl! That was my frame of mind. Yeah, sad rationale to stay overweight. Thankfully, I finally got rid of that thought and with plenty of other lightbulb moments in between, I’m finally on my way to being that “fit bitch” and looking forward to it too!
Late to the party, but LOVE THIS. I have been seriously into training/nutrition for the last 2 decades or so. I’ve never pushed my philosophies or what I do on ANYONE, but would freely give advice when asked. And I’ve heard it ALL- “oh, I just want a flat stomach like you, but not all that other muscle you have.” *blank stare* Why are you starving yourself (BISH, I eat 3,000 calories a DAY!), oh I could NEVER spend all my time in the gym- I work and have a family. (Um, I’ll tell my husband, child and law practice that they don’t exist. :-/). It took me awhile but I just shrug it off now. I had a colleague who was always making snide remarks about my ever present gallon jug of water in my office or my cooler packed with my 6 meals for the day…finally, I said “look. I am GROWN. I am raising a child, and am a wife. I pay my bills on time, volunteer, and try to be a good daughter and friend. I, and I ALONE, make ALL the decisions about what works for me. This means you DO NOT have permission to tell me what or how to eat. It’s none of your business and really, really rude. I’m not in your plate, so please stay out of mine.” Carry on.
Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and your health.
What you put in your mouth is ABSOLUTELY your choice. No one can force you to eat anything you dont want to eat. Once I realized that, it became a lot easier to for me to do what I needed to do to maintain my health and fitness. I train 5-6 days every week and eat clean 95% of the time. At 41, I am an athlete, a figure comepititor and an avid CrossFitter. And I don’t let ANYTHING interfere with that if I can help it. I have a strong work ethic and am damn good at what I do, if that is overshadowed by the fact that I don’t want any damn cake at the office Xmas party, then that is their problem, not mine. If that makes me a fit bitch, or obssessed, or whatever, I’ll take it, gladly!
This is by far my favorite article you have written! I so want to be a fit bitch, and this only motivates me to keep at it!
Hi Erika,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and am REALLY enjoying it. You’re very open and upfront & I feel on a similar wavelength (like your explanation of the use of the word ‘bitch’ in this post haha) and just wanted to comment on this particular blog post.
I’m a pretty average chick – 22 and in the Army, so I train a lot. I’m not a ‘fit bitch’, but I’m not overweight, and in the last two years or so have been trying to undertake my own journey to find out what works as a healthy lifestyle for me. The comments I’ve had when bringing my food to work with me and eating something different are incredible. ‘Why do you eat like a cancer patient?’ and ‘Why can’t you just be a normal girl?’ etc etc. Why are OUR choices so offensive to others, even when we don’t force them onto our colleagues, friends, peers…? So it was good to read your blog about this one.
Actually, it’s always good to read your blogs haha, so keep up the good work 🙂
You’re page is so motivating! I lost 60 lbs so far and have 140 more to go. Most people I see that lost over 150 lbs have a lot of loose skin. Could you share your secret on how you prevented excess skin?
Diet and exercise. My diet is impeccable. That’s a huge part of it.
Impeccable…I like that word!
I am on my way and trying to have fun while I am on the journey. What’s really worked for me was changing things up in terms of trying new food, spices. Making it more of a lifestyle and changing up my routine helps with my frustration on my progress.
Thank you for this article. You’ve rattled my cage with this one, in the best way possible. I. Want. To. Be. Fit. Ferocious. Fabulous. In every way. And. I. Will. GET IT.
Excellent advice and article!
Enough said with the comments above. I enjoy your blog — keep up the work!
I just ran into this Blog and it is exactly what I was looking for! Not only is Erika a Soror, she is inspiring! This was the year of my “come to fitness” moment because I just kept getting sick when eating the same things I’ve been eating for the last 25 years! Recently, I have found myself less motivated to work out but reading this story about the Obnoxious Fit Bitch has inspired me.
I have been eating so much better than the people around me and I hate to say that I judge people now by what they put on their plate or order at a restaurant. My Main thought is “OMG, you’re going to eat that? I used to eat that and I was unhappy.” Of course I don’t say it out loud but, when people ask my opinion I can’t help but to give it to them. I notice all I talk about is losing weight, eating right, and cross fit. My friends are sick of me. I have only lost 20 lbs, and I have about 60 more pounds to go but I will continue to be the obnoxious fit bitch until I get there.
I used to judge vegans. Very harshly, I may add. “Why? But isn’t PALEO helping people? Isn’t whole milk GOOD FOR YOU? How can they just NOT EAT CHEESE?!?!” I didn’t get it. Not a bit. I loved cheese and shrimp and salmon sashimi and blue cheese burgers.
I never went beyond that.
Now? I’m one of them. The annoying vegan tribe who just decided she GAF about more than just what could be perceived as good for me.
It’s crazy.
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