Every now and again, I get beside myself on twitter. Last week, I had one of those days.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Michael Baisden. I’ve been on his show a couple of times. It doesn’t, however, change the fact that some times, his topics… um, leave a little to be desired.
Enter…this series of tweets from my twitter account, @bgg2wl, and those who wanted to discuss the original topic, “Are women raising feminine boys?”, which was to air on Baisden’s show that day.
My rant was pretty long – I do that, though not often – because I’m so confused. You can click here to view it all, since its not showing up properly here.
I don’t talk about my child often because, quite frankly, I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not a topic that is welcomed with open arms. I was a single parent (have been since I was 21 years old) and, though I am lucky enough now to have a fiance who refers to my daughter as his own and eagerly awaits signing those adoption papers, I fully expected to be single until she was an adult. Hell, I look forward to my forties. I’ll be fit, feel young, and probably have much more money then, anyway… but I digress.
I don’t discuss my child because the questions are always some form of “where’s her father?” (Obviously, not here.) “Is he paying child support?” “You picked a bad man to procreate with, or did you even pick him?” “Was he a one-night stand? You’re probably a whore.” “Why don’t you go get him and take him to court?”
It’s always what I could’ve done, what I should’ve done or what I did wrong. It’s always my fault. The woman is to accept the blame. The woman is to, also, accept responsibility for whatever is left behind that the man [who should be] involved doesn’t do.
Make no mistake about it… I don’t dislike men. I don’t hold “hatred” in my heart. Neither of these two facts is going to change the fact that I refuse to accept responsibility for things that are not, in fact, up to “me.” Like, for instance, the fact that children are being raised without their fathers in the picture. This, apparently, is the fault of women everywhere because we “should’ve picked better,” or we “should’ve kept our legs closed.”
We never ask, “why is he not present?” Especially, and particularly, when the father is completely and utterly absent from the picture, do we never decide to start shaming men for this? I mean, we’ve obviously decided that the way to discourage children out of wedlock is to use shame… but we’re not shaming men, by and large, for actively choosing to abandon their children. We’re not shaming men for not owning up to their responsibilities and emotionally, if not at least financially, supporting their children. We tell the women involved in the situation that the punishment for opening their legs in the first place is a child – yes, children are the punishment in this equation – and that they should have chosen better.
Yes. Black men abandon their children because… well, had a Black woman not chosen him, he wouldn’t have any children to abandon in the first place.
I’m not buying into that, and every single time I see it, I’m going to correct it. Plain and simple. Y’all wonder why you’re so stressed out and can only find release in harmful behavior [like overeating]… the rest of the world is alleviating themselves of their stresses by unloading their responsibility off onto you.
It won’t be me, though.
"What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul."
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