I mean, y’all know me. I can clear things up really quickly.
Apparently, my even bringing up or implying that something is suspect about a mate trying to encourage a woman to stop losing weight… is a problem. It’s as if I’m saying “there’s something wrong with men liking a ‘bigger woman.'”
I’m in a unique position with this blog. In short, I’ve been big and I’ve been small. I’ve dated as both. That being said, I’ve written it before, I’ll write it again. I was the bomb when I was big, and I’m the bomb now that I’m small. Stop trying to shove my round behind into that square peg. I’m not an anti-fat person.
The pushback in regards to relationships where one partner becomes… uncomfortable… with the other partner’s weight loss doesn’t make sense to me. That’s right. It doesn’t make sense. And my thoughts might tick a person or two off, but that’s okay. We don’t all always agree around here, but I love y’all anyway.
When I say that I question people’s defense of a man saying “I liked you bigger,” I think of the same situations where a man says “I liked you smaller.”
See where I’m going with this? It’s not about just liking “bigger women.” It’s about how much control your mate tries to exercise over your appearance — should your mate love you and support you regardless of your appearance, or should they feel justified in complaining (apparently, complaining loudly and frequently) about the changes in your body and make you feel some kinda way about them?
And think about your answer, because it goes both ways.
If you meet your significant other as a size 4, bear children and become a size 14, are they justified in making comments about what they used to love? What they used to enjoy about your body? I mean, you’ve endured traumatic events together, you’ve stuck through all that…. but now they’re dissatisfied with your appearance. Is it okay for your mate to make it plain to you – “I like a smaller woman?”
If you meet your significant other as a size 18, go through life changing events and become a size 6, are they justified in making comments about what they used to love? What they used to enjoy about your body? I mean, you’ve endured traumatic events together, you’ve stuck through all that… but now they’re dissatisfied with your appearance. Is it okay for your mate to make it plain to you – “I like a bigger woman?”
If you don’t think those two situations don’t impose an element of guilt and shame on the woman involved, I’ve got a bridge in Miami Beach to sell you.
Don’t think I’m being insensitive to society’s struggle with consistently telling women they’re “too fat” and “need to lose weight.” I just think it’s painfully myopic to say that a mate can comment on a woman’s weight when it reaffirms the idea that “bigger women” can, in fact be desirable… but “it’s a problem” when a mate comments on a woman’s weight when it sides with “socialized” society, that a woman is “too big” to be desirable to someone.
I could interject here with a rant about why “bigger women” need reaffirmation on their desirability and would cling to it in the form of hypocritical situations, but I’m not gonna. I’ll just let that go.
The problem isn’t the context of the mate’s complaint, to me. The problem, in my humble opinion, is the complaining. Period. If it’s okay for a mate to comment on a woman’s weight and make statements to her (as Jennifer Hudson has said about her significant other at least twice in two separate interviews, to date) regularly regarding their preference for a woman of a certain size, then it’s okay across the board. And all of us feel bad when we hear a woman talk about her mate guilting her into losing weight when she doesn’t feel the same. To me, this is no different. Guilting me into changing my body in ways I don’t want? No thanks.
I just… I don’t understand why it’s so hard to see that it’s insensitive either way it goes.
Am I missing something, here?