Make It At Home: Sexy Ranch Dressing
You heard right. This is my “Sexy Ranch” dressing. I heard you askin’ already – why is it Sexy Ranch?! Here’s why: My ranch is ...
by Erika Nicole Kendall
You heard right. This is my “Sexy Ranch” dressing.
I heard you askin’ already – why is it Sexy Ranch?!
Here’s why:
My ranch is sexy because this ranch… is not.
16tbsp = 1 cup. I paid about $2.50 for 1 cup of ranch dressing in a funny shaped supaskinny bottle with semi-modern package design.
Inside that $2.50 cup of ranch dressing, I get 16 tablespoons of dressing, with each tablespoon giving me 140 calories.
Inside that $2.50 cup of ranch dressing, I get ingredients like phosphoric acid, natamycin, disodium guanylate, and xanthan gum. Yeah. If you can tell me what any of that is, that’d be great.
I snatched up some stuff from my kitchen that definitely cost more than $2.50 altogether. I snatched up things like:
1/3 teaspoon of sea salt (maybe even less.. just a pinch worked for mine)
about 1/3 cup of parsley
2 tablespoons of finely chopped green onions (chopped however finely you’d prefer it in your dressing)
1/3 teaspoon of black pepper
1 cup of real mayonnaise (do us BOTH a favor and don’t use Miracle Whip) (~700 calories)
buttermilk (I used about 2 cups, you may use more or less) (about 100 calories per cup)
2 teaspoons of minced garlic
1 teaspoon of cream cheese (~10 calories)
1 tablespoon of finely chopped onion
I tossed everything in the bowl, except the buttermilk. Go on and mix that all up. Give it a taste and see how you like it.
Then, go ahead and pour in your buttermilk, one cup at a time. Stir it after each cup, and give it a little pinky-taste-test. You know, put a dollop on your pinky and taste it to see what kind of taste it leaves on your tongue. Add the second cup. At this point, decide whether or not you want it thinner (and if so, add more buttermilk.)
Want it more tangy? Go with squeezing a liiittle lemon over it. Want it spicy? Hit up the paprika and cayenne pepper. Want somethin’ different? Add a little flax seed to it, or grab the chili powder. Make this YOUR recipe. YOU are the one that has to enjoy it, and you need to convince yourself that this is the safer option for your ranch fetish. Is time an issue? Tell yourself that the only way you can enjoy ranch dressing is if you make it yourself.
I recommend making sure you have extra ingredients left over just so that you can personalize the recipe the way you want. Ranch is, essentially, about throwing the whole farm in the pot and putting it the way you like it – I put a little paprika in mine, I squeeze a little lime over mine… might even put a little lime zest (lime shavings) on top and stir it in. Try anything – try everything! Make use of your kitchen. I can assure you, it’s totally fun… and takes all of 15 minutes. Grab a squeeze bottle from your nearest dollar store or grocery (or dump out your old ranch and rinse the bottle, LOL), and pow – you’re all set!
Now.. let’s compare. Even if you had to BUY all the ingredients for my ranch, you can still use them in other dishes. I had everything in my home already. It’s not a total loss on the investment.
I used 2 cups of buttermilk. This gave me a little more than 3 cups of ranch dressing. Let’s do the math:
3 cups of dressing = 700(calories from the mayo) + 200(calories from 2 cups of buttermilk) + 10(calories from the cream cheese)
Kraft’s 1 cup of dressing totals 2240 calories. 2080 of which are from fat.
My 3 cups of ranch total 910 calories. Putting it on par with the Kraft, that means that for every 1 cup, my dressing gives you about 303 calories. I didn’t calculate fat calories, but I can assure you it’s much less than 2080.
303…is much less than 2240. Seriously.
My ranch is Sexy Ranch because it’s not gonna prevent you from preserving your sexy. I’m serious.
Best of luck, and don’t forget to tell me how it turns out!
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26 Responses to “Make It At Home: Sexy Ranch Dressing”
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I’m going to try and make this recipe this weekend- I love ranch! Did you use regular or light mayo (and cream cheese)?
I used the regular mayo with olive oil, and just a pinch of regular cream cheese. Fat free… dairy isn’t supposed to be fat free by design, so using the “light” or “fat free” versions would negate the purpose of making it myself. If you’re nervous about it, feel free to scale back the mayo or the cream cheese. Totally up to you.
I’ll be making this tonight
I made this and it was sooooo good. My kids even loved it!!! Thanks for the recipe.
Great recipe! Everyone in my household loves it. The only con is that I can’t stop trying to find things to put it on lol
I am going to try this out this weekend. I am the “ranch” queen, now I will be the ranch queen without all the calories…lol
Hi Erika– What kind of mayo do you use? Thanks for the recipe, I really appreciate all you do here.
Mayo is comprised of three things, really – egg, oil and vinegar. Spices, if you want. So really, if I’m not in the mood to make my own, I just grab whatever’s at the store and is the closest to my own list of ingredients. I haven’t bought mayo in so long that I can’t really recommend a brand, I’m afraid to say.
May I suggest Duke’s. When my sister was on Atkins we had to find one without sugar. Duke’s has the simplest ingredients I’ve seen in mayo and no sugar.
Great post! I’ve been searching for a good Ranch recipe without the use of Polyunsaturated Fats. Thanks!
I made this just now! I love it, although next time I think I’ll use a bit less parsley! haha
Thanks so much for posting this healthier Ranch recipe!
I have to say I am so happy I made this today. I have been a ranch dressing addict for a while and this is definitely the best I’ve had. I also only used one cup of buttermilk, so it made a little less but the consistency really worked for me. Also, just wanted to say thanks for all your posts Erika. I’ve been reading the site in silence for a while and I think you’re an inspiration!
Hi Erika–
How long will this keep in the fridge? Thank you!
Y’know, I’m not sure. It never lasts very long when I make it! LOL!
Finally made this today.. you know, it’s definitely different from the bottled Frankenranch I’m used to, but it (mine, anyway) tastes exactly like tzatziki sauce (the sauce you get with gyros), which I *love*.
(For any low-carbers, I came up with ~1 net carb per 2 tbsp.)
Wow! Erica, thank you for sharing! I will be making this soon..
Have you made this with yogurt instead of mayo? Would Greek yogurt work? I’m not a mayo fan at all. Thanks!
I wasn’t a greek yogurt eater when I first did this recipe, but I haven’t made it in a long time. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work, but I’d be prepared for it to be quite tangy!
I love it!!! The only difference is that i used Vegenaise as a substitute for mayo.
Any one tried it with Greek Yogurt instead of mayo? Miss Erika, your thoughts on that?
I think that any thick and creamy substance would work. Tahini, greek yogurt, all of ‘em are worth a shot. A pricy shot, but a shot nonetheless.
Three words……LAC-TOSE INTOLERANT. My stomach just turned when I saw the list of ingredients. Lol! I’ve tried making a vegan version of ranch dressing because I LOVE it so much but my stomach doesn’t like almond milk and I’m alergic to soy milk. I CAN drink Lactaid so do you have any suggestions for a substitute for the cream cheese? Thanks Erika! Love your blog! Keep up the good work!
Vegan ranch dressing? Now THAT sounds like a challenge. Hmm…
Okay now I think this is worth a shot big THANKS to Erika
Can’t wait to try this! It sounds great!
I saw this recipe ages ago and am now going to make it. I didn’t save the recipe so I just googled Sexy Ranch Black Girl to find it. I realize that it looks like I was googling porn!!