bodymagicsucksDear reader, there are very few things that annoy me. Why? Because I feel like in my twenty-something years on this earth… I’ve seen everything.

That’s sarcasm, by the way. But back to the matter at hand.

There are very few things that annoy me. Why? Because most things don’t affect me, and the things that do… well, I’d rather spend my time finding a legitimate solution than just standing there being annoyed.


I have a huge problem with false advertising. When people make claims about something with the underlying intention to sell the thing they’re lying about, it gets under my skin. If you present yourself as the authority about something, you’re asking someone to trust your knowledge. You’re then abusing the trust you JUST asked for with the goal of making money. I think that’s crap. I won’t lie.

bodymagicsucksalotHaving said that… let me introduce you to Ardyss, and the Body Magic. Consider Ardyss and their product to be similar to Mary Kay… or any other company that relies on a gargantuan “team” of “salespeople” who have to go out and sell their products with the hope of making a profit. The “salespeople” buy from Ardyss at a fixed cost, then sell it to you for a higher cost. Because of this, the price you may find yourself paying for one of these things can be anywhere from $100 to $400 – yes, four hundred dollars.

The “Body Magic Sales Team” (I’m being terribly polite, here) will tell you everything that Ardyss has told them to say – you’ll drop 3 dress sizes (which basically means you’ll shave off about three inches) in ten minutes, firm up your abs, and lose weight from this system. Oh, yes. You can lose weight by squeezing into this tiny little guy… or gal. They apparently have the system for men, as well. (Of course they’re not marketing it like “Lose that beer belly, guys… stop feeling like the squishy fella at the table,” because that kind of marketing only works on women.)

corset-trainingFirst and foremost, the truth. I’m loathe to decry that it can’t reshape you. Why? Because I think back to waist training/corset training (also known as tightlacing), and I know how well that actually works. What is waist training? Take a look at the lovely young lady to the left. Her ribcage, skin, and hips have been reshapen due to constant and consistant wearing of a corset tied in this exact fashion each time. The ribs bend, the hips adjust, and the skin – as durable and smart as it is – shrinks to abide by the new figure to which it is attached.

You know there’s a catch to that, right? Check out this snapshot: tightlacing

What does wikipedia have to say about this photo?

A, the natural position of internal organs. B, when deformd by tight lacing. In this way the liver and the stomach have been forced downward, as seen in the cut.

Shoot, what does wikipedia have to say about tightlacing altogether?

Wearing a corset can also change the bustline, by raising the breasts upwards and shaping them, flattening the stomach, and improving posture. However, these effects are only temporary and will be lost on removing the corset. Indeed, excessive corset wearing has been claimed to weaken certain muscles, making it more difficult to maintain posture without a corset.

(Update: I received an e-mail request for clarity, so I’m happy to oblige. If you’re looking for more information on tightlacing other than wikipedia, feel free to check here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Wikipedia simplifies a lot of this into one source, and the information here doesn’t happen to be inaccurate, for once.)

So… that’s claim number one. Yeah, the body shaper might be tight enough to ‘reshape’ your body, but excessive use/relying on this thing on a regular basis/hoping it’s going to change your life is… well, not ideal.

Firming up your abs, eh? Let me introduce you – briefly – to the concept of waist binding. If your grandma is old school enough, she’ll tell you that her generation managed to keep their figures mommypooch-free by bandaging their waists for a couple of weeks after giving birth. I cannot tell you from my own experiences, but I have seen this work with my own two eyes. It simply aids the skin in finding it’s place again.. y’know, since the 30lb mound it once had to accommodate is now gone.

What it does NOT do… is make a mound of fat disappear. Using a Body Magic for this purpose does NOTHING except shift mass into a place it originally was not. Think about it – if fat was supposed to be shoved deeper into your body, then guess what? Your body would put it there. It’s stored on the outermost parts of your frame for a reason. Squeezing into a body magic and hoping it’s going to help permanently hide whatever flaws your body may have is… not ideal.

Now, I was also advised that the Body Magic could also aid me in my weight loss endeavors. Oh… really? How so?

“It’s so uncomfortable and tight, that it prevents you from overeating or stuffing yourself.”

So, wait. You mean to tell me that I don’t have to stop eating my favorite fatty foods, because the Body Magic will force me to eat it in moderation? So… forget the fact that those foods are unhealthy and lack proper nutrition for the body (empty calories like soft drinks vs. nutrition-rich ones like sweet potatoes.) Forget that those are the same foods that got you in a physically unfit figure in the first place. Forget the fact that those foods aren’t going to help you maintain that figure should you magically obtain it. You don’t want to sacrifice… and this magic garment (it’s no surprise that the thing is called Body Magic, trust me) can give you all you want and you don’t have to sacrifice at all. It doesn’t work like that.

Those women who simply want proper undergarments? I’m not talking about you. In fact, I have a very nice, VERY reliable body shaper from Fredericks of Hollywood. Know how much I paid for it? It certainly wasn’t $400… more like $40.(And no – no one is paying me to say that.)

This is for those women who are confused and concerned and are leaning toward spending their hard earned recession-era money on a magic garment that is being peddled as if it can solve all that ails us… only to be sorely disappointed. It’s simply not worth it.

In conclusion, should you choose to ball out of control and purchase a Body Magic, do it because you appreciate the temporary – and occasional – effect it has on your body. But if you find yourself throwing it on every single day, perhaps a lifestyle change is in order. Perhaps a switch-up in your workout routine is in order. Perhaps some dietary restrictions are in order. Just don’t expect the changes to come with a little abracadabra. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Be happy, be healthy! 🙂