Jennifer Hudson’s Fiance “Not Really Into” Her Weight Loss?

Jennifer Hudson’s Fiance “Not Really Into” Her Weight Loss?

From NecoleBitchie:

Jennifer Hudson continued to show off her amazing new figure over the weekend before performing at AOL Sessions in Beverly Hills.  Although, she has been getting compliments left and right since slimming down, her fiance David Otunga isn’t too pleased with her sudden weight loss.  She recently told Jay Leno:

“He’s getting adjusted to it. He’s not really into change that much so he fusses at me like, “Why do you have to have to get all dressed up to go out and why can’t you just go our like you used to?” And I’m like “I’m a walking billboard now honey”

Two snaps. That new figure is helping to keep food on the table.

The only reason I’m doing this is because I wanted to take the opportunity to line this up against the following:

3) There’s also an element of this that speaks to the insecurity of the mate. Yes, I do believe this has to be said, too. If this sentiment is shared repeatedly, with someone beating you over the head with this “you don’t need to lose weight… I like my women with x, y & z” kind of of thing… that’s a problem. Think about how dating works. We like to have arm candy on our arm. We like to walk around with someone we’re proud to have on our arm. For men, its usually that they want their girl to look better than every other girl in the room. For women, we usually like him to be well off, well dressed, well known… some kind of stock.

Now… don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that it absolutely IS better to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. What I am saying is that in this society… we know that the closer one is to that kind of figure, the more they are prized. Why would a significant other intentionally prevent you from doing something they know would garner you more compliments? Why would they try to dissuade you from doing something that you believe would make you better? Why consistently sabotage you? Why try to convince you to stay where you are, if you’ve already admitted (if not to him, at least to yourself) that you’re unhappy where you are?

I’ll just flat out say it. It’s because if you become more prized, they fear having to put forth the effort required to keep you around.

There’s a catch to weight loss, and I can admit this full stop. The more weight you lose, the larger the dating pool grows. It’s strange, because even men whom I’d been around for years were treating me differently. Speaking to me differently. People I’d joked with for years were all of a sudden hugging me closer, touching me differently. Men of different races were approaching me (which means the dating pool grows exponentially.. that is, if that’s your thing.) It’s somewhat bizarre and unfortunate – the fact that there are lots of people out there who simply will not date women beyond a certain weight – but that doesn’t change the fact that it is a very real reality… one that many of our current significant others do not want to face. They’d rather not compete with others for your affection. They’d rather not put forth the effort that would be required to regularly, repeatedly and consistently show you that you belong with them.

I’d never say that people choose overweight mates because they’re “easier”… but I do think that people get comfortable with their mates, and don’t like having to work harder than they’re used to in order to keep them.

Thoughts? I’m just genuinely – genuinely – hoping it isn’t a case of what many of us have experienced, here.

Facebook Comments
By | 2017-06-10T11:46:15+00:00 March 7th, 2013|Celeb Watch|64 Comments

About the Author:

The proud leader of the #bgg2wlarmy, Erika Nicole Kendall writes food and fitness, body image and beauty, and more here at #bgg2wl. After losing over 150lbs, Kendall became a personal trainer certified in fitness nutrition, women's fitness, and weight loss by the National Academy of Sports Medicine. She is also certified in sports nutrition by Precision Nutrition. She now lives in New York with her husband and children, and is working on her 6th and 7th certifications because she likes having alphabet soup at the end of her name.

64 Comments

  1. Aiby36 March 28, 2011 at 2:54 PM - Reply

    When I first decided I wanted to make some lifestyle changes, my ex (emphasis on ex) was totally against the idea of me venturing into the gym. He believed that I was fine the way I was even though he had personally saw me crying because I was unhappy with the way I looked. Once I decided that I was making changes, he fussed about the food I kept at my place and insisted that we eat at restaurants without healthy choices. That early in the process, I had not built the muscle to just say “no.” I eventually gained all the weight I had lost back. Looking back on it, I see what he was doing. He was insecure with the entire idea of me getting into shape and (un)consciously sabotaged me. I guess it made him uncomfortable to see me better myself.

    • Serenity March 28, 2011 at 3:47 PM - Reply

      Not that this has happened to me… but I did happen to my friend who had been dating my cousin. They were both overweight and he decided to change. Once he upgraded himself, he wanted an upgraded woman and kicked my friend to the curb and quickly married another thinner, more glamorous woman. Not saying thinness is synonymous with glamor. But old girl was cute. Even to my straight female self. I digress… I asked him why her and not my friend? He said because he never had a woman like that before and felt like he had to do something drastic (marriage) to keep her. SMDH….

      Fast forward 10 years…. My friend got so heavy on the weight loss bandwagon she became a personal trainer, She is fit, Fit, FIT!!! My cousin’s wife is now overweight since birthing 3 babies. Now cousin wants friend back. Spouting some foolishness that they are soulmates and he made a mistake leaving her. He is willing to leave current wifey for her.

      Don’t let friends date family. You can’t curse folks out like you want.

      • JoAnna March 28, 2011 at 10:45 PM - Reply

        @ Serenity: Cuss, cuss away! If you can’t express yourself with total honesty to your family, then where can you? I would just wait all year for those family get togethers just to tell him about himself! And have your cousin bring/rent some gorgeous eye candy, just to keep that 80/20 guy away.

      • Malika April 13, 2011 at 1:31 PM - Reply

        yeah, my rule is that i don’t let my friends, my family, my man, and my work intersect. those are 4 totally seperate parts of my life. it cuts down on A LOT of drama.

    • Jami November 9, 2011 at 6:37 PM - Reply

      Well, did you lose your weight finally?

  2. Michelle March 28, 2011 at 4:16 PM - Reply

    Well I agree with real life situations where men are dead a** serious about these comments, however I do believe that Jenn and her Husband are solid, and he knows that she is happy, and she deserves to be happy and healthy just like he is. I personally get this a lot from friends though. I dont have a man now, but i’ve been supported before about the gym when dating him. He use to check in on me with food, and gym times. But my friends on the other hand, make it very clear that Oh your boobs and hips will never go, you won’t look right, or dont get stick thin you won’t look right, and you know what my response is? Well can you pick up the tab on my round of Diabetes Medication? blood pressure? you going to help me tie my shoe when my boobs in the way? LOL I don’t think so.

    • Erika Nicole Kendall March 28, 2011 at 4:24 PM - Reply

      I’m under the impression that they’re only engaged, not married. Is this incorrect?

      • Aiby36 March 28, 2011 at 4:32 PM - Reply

        They aren’t married.

      • Nat March 28, 2011 at 4:53 PM - Reply

        Not sure. Most publications list them as engaged, but others (mostly urban) list them as married.

    • Carmel March 29, 2011 at 11:16 AM - Reply

      Oh I know too well those “friends”. My significant other is a personal trainer who is very supportive almost to a fault. He doesn’t kick my lazy butt enough because he is so tender and allows me my fits of impatience which are the cause of my remaining weight problem. My girlfriends?! One told me: ” you want to weight what? I weight that much! Girl, you’ll never be this size!” Dead ass. Another told me: “you work out too much, you’re obsessed!” I was like “no, I’m obese, missing a few s’ there! Even my sister was like, you’re losing too much weight too fast! But there was no intervention when I gained 30lbs in one summer locked up in my mother sweltering apartment! Makes me mad! Mad enough to go jump on that bike and show Prospect Park what for!!!
      The point is. Ignore people like that. They are trembling in their Victoria Secret underwear that the local fat girl could dish that weight, tone up and blow them out of the water! Use that motivation to shed a few more pounds today. I know i want to be healthy, but who do you think you are to dictate what I can and cannot do?! so Girl, “You betta work!”

      • Nikki March 29, 2011 at 4:21 PM - Reply

        I never commented before but I saw ‘Prospect Park’ and got fired up – Brooklyn in the house!

        And yes, losing weight brings out peoples true colors and biases. “You’ll never be this size?” WOW thats a bold statement. I hope crow tastes good cause once you reach that weight and beyond homegirl will have to eat those words.

        • 313QT March 30, 2011 at 12:33 PM - Reply

          wow thats crazy but its so true! I have a friend who has been getting bigger by the month! Every year I look at pics of us and boy has she ballooned. Ive suggested that we work out together and even stop eating foods with aspartame and HFCS. She worked out for a month about a year ago and thats is. I’ve lost almost 60lbs since starting in Dec.09 and to this date she has yet to compliment me or say anything positive such as “u look great”, “keep it up”. NADA!!!! Im 15.4lbs away from my goal of 200 (im 5’9) and still shes said nada……………..Oh well

          As for the men..I had an EX notice EX that gave me the same crap “i like u how u are” or “I don’t want anyone else looking at my woman”..blah blah blah..I’m not losing weight for you or anyone else. I’m doing this for me because I see how being over weight is destroying my family. Some of them are on oxygen, can barely walk from the car to the door, or even tie they own shoes! I refuse to be a diabetic candidate!

      • Liz April 9, 2011 at 10:51 PM - Reply

        I also have noticed friends comments about my new weight. I have a roommate who have lost weight through a weight loss surgery. And I have lost the weight naturally. Since my weight loss, she has been telling my other friends that I have not been eating and I am starving myself. And it is so frustrating because I live with this person. When I tell my coworkers about this problem, they are confused about her intentions. It is sad that people negatively acknowledge your weight loss but never noticed your overeating. I have overcome an eight-year-old flour eating addiction–yes, I ate flour for breakfast, lunch (if I was not at work), and dinner.

    • Trish June 16, 2011 at 11:58 AM - Reply

      I know what you me. I lost a lot of weight one time before and alot of friends and even family was talking about how funny I looked without my booty and stomach. But it is all good for me I have since gain some of the weight back and I have been maintaining this weight for years now. I LOVE BEING PLUMP!!!! I want allow myself to go over a certain weight and I eat healthy and walk where I need to go.

  3. Stephanei March 28, 2011 at 4:54 PM - Reply

    I agree with you whole heartedly, but I’ll say this and it may just be my husband but he didn’t try to keep me from losing weight his thing was he didn’t want me to lose that a**. 🙂 A lot of black men are like that and unfortunately you can’t lose weight in specific places. So maybe that’s what it is sometimes, our men have favorite body parts that they truely like the way that they are and they’re not necessarily trying to sabotage our efforts. Maybe?

    • Ethel November 12, 2011 at 1:52 PM - Reply

      I totally agree with you! I have been with men who repeatedly tell me The love m body. I want to lose weight but I never expressed that to them. They were just turned on by my curves. I dont know, or care, how my weight loss journey will effect them but I dont let people close enough to sabotage me.

  4. Michalet Corbett-Clark March 28, 2011 at 4:58 PM - Reply

    You are correct Erika. They are not married at this time. She made a point of stating that he is not her husband on Oprahs show. He has Recently asked her to set a date because “he didn’t want there to be any question about their relationship”.

  5. Molly McCall March 28, 2011 at 5:07 PM - Reply

    Ok, so this kinda annoyed me. First of all, from what you posted, it doesn’t sound like he wants her to stay overweight. She said he didn’t like change, not *the* change. Big difference. The woman he fell in love with was low maintenence, probably enjoyed the same foods and activities as him and so on. Now she’s gotta spend all this time gussying up before they leave the house. Her tastes have probably changed. That’s hard on a significant other. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t support her.

    Second, some guys DO like bigger girls! I don’t know about these sabotaging men out there. I do know a lot of men (my HUSBAND included) who have never been interested in the industry standard of beauty. I can dig up pictures my dude took when he was teenager of pretty ladies on the beach and they are all big girls. He doesn’t sabotage my effort- he says as long as I’m healthy and happy, he’ll support me – but if I got down to a skinny size 4, he probably wouldn’t be as attracted to me. That’s not to scare me, it’s just the truth.

    • Erika Nicole Kendall March 28, 2011 at 5:49 PM - Reply

      I don’t know why y’all keep trying to make it sound like I’m saying no man could possibly want “bigger women.”

      Please stop trying to twist my point.

      If YOU are making efforts to change your lifestyle for health purposes (which we can only assume since we don’t know anyone’s life) and those changes result in weight loss, it is WILDLY inappropriate to put “what I am attracted to” over someone’s health. PERIOD. That mess is creepy and gross.

      Juxtaposing “my health” next to “you being attracted to me” lets me know that YOUR priorities are screwed up and it IS a red flag, period. If a significant other loves you, they should love you REGARDLESS, right?

      I mean, if a woman is thin when the pair meets… and gains weight, we expect her significant other to still love her and not pressure her unnecessarily, right? Why are y’all acting like this doesn’t make sense the other way around? If he was nitpicking her for gaining weight, we’d be calling him a douchebag. This works the same both ways.

      • Molly March 30, 2011 at 3:20 AM - Reply

        What I was reacting to was specifically the idea that any guy who wouldn’t want you to lose weight must just be insecure about losing you or having to treat you better to keep you. It didn’t sound to me like Jennifer’s fiance was trying to stop her from losing weight, he just didn’t like all the changes.

        • Erika Nicole Kendall March 30, 2011 at 3:44 AM - Reply

          On – at least – two separate occasions, Jennifer has given this exact same scenario with different language. Once on Oprah, again on Leno.

          That being said, I excerpted a piece from a post I wrote that listed three reasons why this comes up. This – “he’s insecure” – was the third reason. Having known about both interviews, I excerpted what I believe to be relevant here. I didn’t say it was the same for EVERY situation, especially considering the content of the original post I wrote.

      • Molly March 30, 2011 at 3:28 AM - Reply

        Also, this is just for my husband. His comments are usually just about me being happy and healthy. Occasionally he might joke that he hope I don’t “lose my butt” or something, but he never says he doesn’t want me to lose weight. The only time he gets snippy is if I make an equation with thinness and beauty, like “Ooh, I’m gonna lose weight and be all hot!” Then he insists that those two things are not the same. Basically that I’m hot now. The only thing he’s really been against is the gastric bypass. Besides the fact that it might be dangerous, you end up losing a lot of weight, really quickly and you usually end up pretty skinny. He has straight up told me that that might be hard for him.

        • Tima June 16, 2011 at 9:23 AM - Reply

          Molly, I TOTALLY get where you are going with your statement. Ive always been ‘thick’ but now(after 7 yrs together) I’m the largest I’ve ever been-and I’m not comfortable. Of course my husband is excited about the natural ‘implants’ appearance(C-cup to a DD), and the donkey back-side, but he understands that I’m not happy. I don’t see anything wrong w/your hubby being honest about your weight changes, b’c if he can’t be honest w/you, then who will??? Yes, Erika if it is at a point that your husbands’ opinion has turned into ridicule, then it’s a problem. But for him to be honest w/you is just part of communicating with your spouse. To be honest and to threaten to leave are 2 different extremes & I dont get that feeling from Molly nor from Jennifer.
          It sounds to me that Jenn’s fiance may not be 100% happy with everything that comes along with the weight loss. Ive watched both men and women surpass new-found confidence to bonefide arrogance and cocky-ness after a big weight loss. Then as soon as their partner points out the fact that they ar no longer the person that they fell in love with, it’s chumped up to “Oh you know *Bill left *Cindy b’c he was jealous of her finally loosing all of that weight. Mmm mm mmm.”

          I said all of this to say, there are always two sides people…has anyone read/watched an interview with David expressing how he feels about Jenn’s new figure?????

  6. Ruby A March 28, 2011 at 5:31 PM - Reply

    When I met my last boyfriend, I was a UK 12/14 – US 8/10. We used to eat out a lot, and I wasn’t working out much. I expressed my frustration at my increasing girth and he said, ‘What about your lovely curves?’ Because obviously my curves would disappear entirely if I lost weight… *eye roll* Anyway, as sweet as that sounded at the time, I ignored him and attempted to do my own thing.

    Fast forward to the end of last year. I start training for the Paris half marathon and I’m ON IT – following Weight Watchers (I didn’t tell him at first because discussing diets made him angry – apparently an ex had anorexia which OBVIOUSLY is my problem to deal with!), drinking shakes, training 4 times a week. I don’t need him to cheerlead for me, as I’m in a supportive team. He whines about how paunchy he’s getting, so I take him to a couple of exercise classes and on a couple of runs with me. So far, so meh. Then he asks: ‘What am I going to do, now that you’re all young and slim and I’m old and fat?’ See, he’s a few years shy of 40 (I’m 31) and was having some kind of existential crisis – this is someone who got angry when I turned 30 and said ‘You know what? I’m going to enjoy being 30, I’m comfortable with who i am and I feel great!’ instead of crying into my copy of Bridget Jones, and decrying my impending middle age and therefore imminent death, boo hoo. Sorry, I don’t play that way.

    Looking back I had a whole bouquet of red flags waving frantically in my face, but that’s beside the point – sort of. When a man’s as insecure as that, he’s not happy. If you’re happy, he’s even less happy. The only thing that makes him happy is to make you unhappy. Why? Because he’s in control, and that’s what this is about. You can’t control someone with a positive outlook and high self-esteem, but those can be chipped away at quite easily if you know what buttons to press.

    I think the point made is right: insecure people like that don’t want to put in the extra work to keep the ‘new’ you. That means they were doing the bare minimum in the first place t keep you around, so you’re better off. It’s bizarre, though; if they know you’re more prized, why wouldn’t they want to keep you for themselves? Why, if they’re afraid to lose you, would they pull out every trick in the book to do just that? Man logic = madness.

    No wonder J-Hud’s bloke feels threatened. He signed up for a beautiful BIG black woman whose body belonged to him and him only; now people are queuing up to see it and comment on it, he’s reverted to a petulant 6-yr-old and whining ‘Mine! Nobody’s allowed to play with it! Mine!’ and trying to hold it out of reach. And you know when little kids try to hold things out of your reach and fail because you’re bigger than them and can whip it out of their hands? They fail to see this because they’re so fixated on protecting their little property, their little pride.

    I wish JH the best in her life, but she’d better beware the man who’d begrudge her happiness in her own skin. She’s either going to put the weight back on ever so slowly, or dump the 200lbs of useless flab – him – when she tires of his possessiveness and insecurity.
    Like I said, I wish her the best, but when push comes to shove… frankly, I hope the latter scenario plays out.

    • marie August 19, 2012 at 9:27 AM - Reply

      You are so right ruby… That’s why it’s important for women to be conscious of their own worth and be confident in order to properly identify those red flags. And often we don’t…. ( but that’s how we learn lol)

  7. Ruby A March 28, 2011 at 6:08 PM - Reply

    *’better off WITHOUT HIM’. Not trying to imply you’re better off with a partner only doing the bare minimum. Oops!

    • Paula January 20, 2013 at 2:45 AM - Reply

      Ruby, I do not know if you understand the ramifications of , “Wall Street Attorney and Graduate of Harvard Law”. Which is what Jennifer Hudson’s significant other is. As an attorney myself, I do. And let me tell you that he has the capacity, if he has not already done so, to make “MILLIONS”. With or without JH’s money.

  8. Daphne March 28, 2011 at 11:37 PM - Reply

    I didn’t watch the Leno show, and it’s kind of hard to extrapolate a certain meaning from what Jennifer said. Taking his words at face value, it seemed like he has a problem with her getting dressed up? Now that might be because she’s all slim and trim and is getting eyed more often, thus more competition. Or that might mean she’s a bit more high maintenance than she used to be. Or maybe he’s mad because she’s hitting several of these events alone (I don’t know if, pre-weight loss, she’s been asked about his presence at certain events, or lack thereof ). Hard to tell. The “I’m a walking billboard” response raised my right eyebrow a bit, but it’s none of my business.

    I’m hoping it’s not hateration due to her weight loss (besides, I don’t remember him being exactly slim, either, not that it matters). It would be such a shame for the “man gets with a larger woman because it’s easier for him/she expects less” rule to be proven true, once again. It does seem like that’s the rule, rather than the exception, though.

  9. Sadiqua March 29, 2011 at 1:11 AM - Reply

    My weight has risen 50lbs since I met my boyfriend, who is a chef. The gain has been over 8years, but it put me into an unhealthy BMI and I have been on track since Jan1 and lost 16lbs so far. He loves me curvy, I have the hourglass shape that he loves, and I appreciate the fact that he doesn’t want me rail-thin. That being said, he has freaked out a bit since the weight is coming off. He has been supportive, bringing me salads from work, and making sure to be home so I can leave for the gym. What I want him to know is that this change is for both of us. My main goal isn’t “get sexy, then upgrade!” lol! Since I’ve told him I’m doing this for our kids and for health reasons, he realizes I’m not going anywhere…and nobody is going to come snatch me up either lol! He is now working out himself, and I couldn’t be more happy. I agree with the commented above, I think Davids freakout is that now her body is on a very curious public display and not just for his eyes only. He is an athelete and I hope he realizes the big picture is JHud being there with him and the baby and happy with where she is in life.

  10. CJM March 29, 2011 at 10:29 AM - Reply

    Dated a dude once who actually pronounced a weight under which I would no longer appeal to him. Now this is a fella who had lost 100lbs through lifestyle changes. At some point he realized maintaining his linebacker weight in his adult accountant life was probably a bad idea. Either way, I couldn’t quite understand his thinking (considering his own lifestyle) when a friend explained that for some reason he already thought he was out of his league. This came from observations of his posturing in various situations. She said maybe he thinks a just overweight you, as opposed to an obese you, will be out of his reach. Never mind getting to a healthy weight. I thought that was a ridiculous explanation but in hindsight, I can’t really think of another reason as he was pretty married to the lifestyle changes that trimmed him down. His doctor pulled him off of all of his meds, so clearly he saw the value in making those changes. I guess he’d just pass me by on the street now as his “minimum weight for sexy me” is in my rear view window.

Leave A Comment

Are you ready to join the #bgg2wlarmy and achieve your weight loss goals?

 

 

Join the squad, and let's reach our goals together!

— Weekly positive affirmations

— The latest news in food & fitness

— Delicious recipes

— Insightful discussion

— Tips to help you on your journey