Definitely not my kitchen.. my kitchen usually has spices everywhere.. and random crayon markings. Sigh.

I think, because we always see these amazing chefs on our TV screens, that we think we know what “great cooking” looks like.  Aside from the fact that not everyone thinks TV chefs are, in all actuality, great chefs… we shortchange ourselves idolizing these people.

I mean, I’ll keep it real – Sandra Lee cooks everything from a box or a can. It might look “great” (again, questionable) in the end, but her style of “cooking” doesn’t serve our purposes, here at BGG2WL. Rachael Ray, while she’s all over the place with magazines and books lauding her cooking, is the comfort food queen. Comfort food, if you’ll recall, is the stuff we use to emotionally eat.

I think that idolizing these TV chefs only serves to further separate us from our goals of becoming the person who can create an amazing dish with limited resources and in a short amount of time. I know that when I’m in my kitchen tossing stuff around trying to figure out what, on Earth, to cook… I don’t rock an outfit perfectly matching my kitchen, with perfect makeup, and every perfect piece of equipment in my kitchen. Sometimes, I get gritty. Sometimes, I even sweat (not in the food, though.) And sometimes, I even – gasp – screw up. Having said that, there are five things that I think we should remember when it comes to making ourselves better kitchen dynamos.

1) You don’t need to spend an arm and a leg on high-tech equipment to be an amazing chef. Can it help? Yes, much like wearing high heels can make you sexier. Sure, they help you accomplish your goal, but a creative person certainly can accomplish their goal without it.

At least half of my kitchen was stocked thanks to the dollar store. Yes, the dollar store. Spatulas, ladles, cutting boards, graters, kitchen scissors, measuring cups, measuring spoons, pot holders, colanders and knives. All things that you can stand to purchase for a dollar.

News flash: Products on clearance aren’t always “less than” their full price counterparts… especially when that product was full price a week ago. Approximately 99% of my kitchen appliances were purchased on clearance. Have a little patience, save your money for a clearance… then go in for the kill. I own an awesome 15-piece stainless steel cookware set… superclearance for $40. It’s lasted me 3 years thus far.. no trouble.

Beyond all that… there are cultures that make amazing food with little more than a mortar, a pestle, and a bonfire. Amazing food. I’m almost certain they would cringe at the thought of using our fancy equipment. Just another way to show that the equipment doesn’t make the chef.

2) Your screw-ups will taste disgusting, be hilarious, and always teach you something. I remember the first time I realized the difference between chili powder and curry powder. It was a bad day for mankind. I also remember the day I learned just how much ginger I could use in a dish before I sent my daughter crying from the table in a fit of dispair. Again, a bad day for mankind. How about the day I learned how to really cook brown rice? That day, I had to give my little one a hug because she suffered through all those traumatic servings of crunchy brown rice. But now that I know how to make an awesome brown rice? I’m unstoppable. Now that I understand ginger better? My stir-fry is awesomeness in a wok. Now that I know the difference between chili powder and curry powder, well… my daughter actually eats her food. Trial and error is fun in my house.

3) There is no such thing as “that’s not a meal.” I’m generally opposed to big giant monument sized dinners – particularly because small portions of a gigantic meal are the same as gigantic portions of a meal with small offerings – but I’m also opposed to the idea that says something traditionally used for one purpose cannot serve another purpose. You might not eat a slice of bread from the grocery for breakfast… but if you bake a loaf of banana bread and give yourself a slice for breakfast? That is a meal. It is hearty, has fruit, fiber, will wake you up.. and save yourself a few calories in place of cereal and milk. Don’t be afraid to make an amazing dish out of a small amount of ingredients. It allows you to enjoy the flavors you’re combining that much more!

4) Just because you don’t like a fruit or vegetable by itself… doesn’t mean you can’t find a good use for it. There are a lot of things I cannot stand by themselves – cranberries, for instance – that go wonderfully in other dishes – for instance, apple pie. If I counted them out completely, I’d never be able to take advantage of that super sweetness they have naturally, allowing me to use less sugar in my apple pie recipe. I cringe – cringe – at the thought of eating eggplant alone, but I do enjoy it chopped up in a salad with sun-dried tomatoes and a little olive oil. Zucchini and I don’t get along at all, but I learned that they are amazing on pizza. Yes. Pizza.

5) There is something actually fulfilling about cooking… and it’s okay to seek out that fulfillment. I don’t know what it is… but there is a feeling I get from mixing up all the ingredients from scratch, watching it cook to my liking, feeding it to my little one, and watching her fall totally in love with it. Biting into my own work, and feeling as if I’ve accomplished a masterpiece? That’s an ego boost… much like when I braid my daughter’s hair into a replica of The Eiffel Tower (I’m kidding… sorta) or if I finish a project early for work. Just makes me feel like I know what I’m doing… and that never hurts.

What do you have to share with newbie chefs? Are you a newbie chef with questions? Have a good kitchen screw-up to share? (Aw, c’mon, I love those!) Let’s hear it!

5 Things You Should Know About Becoming A Great Cook is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Great Hair or Great Body? Straight Hair and Working Out
2. Now That I’m Clean Eating, What Can I Cook?
3. Three Great Ways To Exercise At Home

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 25 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: cooking, emotional eating, food network, fruits, kwanzaa cake, rachael ray, sandra lee, vegetables

I can vouch for this. Motivation as we know it isn’t motivation at all.

I write and I run. Writers spend more time bemoaning their lack of motivation to write than actually writing. It’s far easier to whinge into the ether than to pick up a pen and just *write*.

Runners spend far more time bemoaning their lack of motivation to run than actually running. It’s far easier… you see where I’m going with this.

If we wait around for this magical ‘motivation’, we’d be waiting a hell of a long time. Back in 2008, I became a massive gym bunny because I was ‘motivated’ by heartbreak. And when I was happy again, I stopped going to the gym. My last big ‘motivation’ was training for a half marathon early this year with a team of people, and raising money. And when that was done, I struggled with my running.

Truth was, I wanted to lose weight anyway, but decided to row/run/lift my feelings away instead of eating them. In the second case, I needed to be prepared for a race, and to get people to see I was serious so they’d give my team money. So I agree that ‘motivation’ as we know it is a myth. That wasn’t motivation; it was context.

You have to find a constant source of inspiration in yourself, and that can’t be found in one circumstance or feeling. Those things have a nasty habit of changing.

When you want to sit on the couch and eat Skittles for dinner, or wait for inspiration to strike, chances are you’re thinking about how you could be actually DOING THE DAMN THING instead of talking yourself out of it. And you probably feel a bit guilty too, but that’s still not enough to make you stop and do the right thing.

I’d say that if you’re thinking about doing it, then you’re already in a state of being motivated. Awareness of a need or want to change, and desire to make it happen.*That* is motivation. Hoooowwwwever…

If you’re waiting for the rocket-powered insatiable urge to do it – that thing we wrongly call ‘motivation’ instead, which gets us off the couch – it’s not gonna happen. I think what people really want to know is ‘OK, I have that desire; how do I turn it up to 11′? I’d suggest that you don’t. You can’t operate on full throttle all the time, but you do have to step (or vault) over the hurdle marked ‘I Don’t Wanna’ consistently and often enough to make your action-to-change a habit.

Stop thinking in terms of motivation, and think in terms of DOING. And, like my fellow writers and runners, your best bet is to stop thinking so much and just take action. You don’t need anyone else to affirm your reasons why!

I have to thank Ruby – clearly both a writer and a runner – for sharing this because she said, rather succinctly, what I’ve been scribbling in my journal for almost a month, trying to figure out how to say it.

Think of how much I love yoga. I mean, I love it. Think of how much you love your favorite thing, then double that love. That’s how much I love yoga. I sleep at night cradling my yoga mat.

Not really… well, maybe… whatever. Let’s not talk about that.

But even still, if I stop to think about whether or not I should roll out my mat and get to work, chances are… I won’t. I already knew I should’ve – that’s why I had the inclination to roll it out and strike a pose in the first place. Stopping to think about whether or not I should was simply the set up for me to talk myself out of it. I suspect a lot of people face this exact same situation, and it plays out this exact same way.

I’m also mindful of the “I exercised my feelings, not ate them” mentality too, but – again, just like Ruby said – what happens when you’re no longer feeling those feelings that compelled you to work out? You still need to be active for your health, no? You still need to be able to just get up, roll out your yoga mat, grab your weights, put on your kicks, grab your blades, whatever it may be today and head out the door. Not because you’re motivated to “show your ex that he shouldn’t've dropped this fine piece of chocolate,” and not because you need to workout your feelings instead of eat them. Can it be a better coping mechanism for pain than eating? Absolutely. You just also have to have a backup plan for how you’re going to get up off of your tail and go after everything is said and done, and you’re no longer hurting.

THIS, I believe, is why so many of us say “just do it” or “it’s in you.” Because, quite frankly, at the end of all the drama, the emotions, the whining and the excuse-making… it is, in fact, in YOU. It’s about YOU getting up off the couch. It’s about YOU getting dressed and heading out. It’s about YOU still doing what you need to do to get the body you want and to maintain it. After everything is said and done, it’s about you making that decision.

Like I said before, “motivation” is a completely made up concept. It’s what we use to explain why there are people in this world who willingly run 15-20 miles for fun, while we hang out at home. It’s just not as big a deal as we try to make it. And, even if it were, no one should be waiting around for it. Just don’t think about it… just get up and go. I promise you’ll be happier for it.

“Motivation As We Know It Isn’t Motivation At All” is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Dying For Motivation: An Open Thread
2. Is The Idea of Motivation Merely A Myth?
3. Motivation and Measuring Weight Loss Progress: The Progress Dress

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I used to do some hilarious stuff, man. Seriously. I used to go out to eat, get something to take home, eat it right before bed, wake up, pull out last night’s to-go and get to munching. I specifically remember this 7-layer nacho dip that I used to tear up… and be proud of it, too! I mean, it was good! I was slaughtering that dip at 8 in the morning. Never mind the fact that I’d be sluggish for the rest of the day.. that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was feeding that craving, and that food fulfillment was making me happy.

Then, I evolved a little. I wasn’t creeping out to that restaurant and getting that dip… I’d just buy some “guacamole” from the grocery…and eat that for breakfast. At least I wasn’t eating 7-layer nacho dip anymore, right? I actually remember talking to one of my fit guy friends one morning, and he heard me banging around in the kitchen.

“What are you doing over there?”

“Looking for the rest of my chips!”

“Chips? At 9 in the morning?”

“Yeah! I’ve got to finish up my breakfast?”

“Wait — what are you eating?”

“Guacamole! It’s goooooood, too!”

My lovely-giant-sunset-pepper omelette! Looks awful, tasted delicious! LOL

Dead silence. I’m not sure if he knew what to say, but I do remember finding my chips and not being able to bite into any of them. I thought I was doing good! I was eating stuff at home instead of ordering out! This made sense! But his silence left me with another confusing proposition.. actually thinking about what I was eating at home.

I won’t lie… I was kinda pissed. I have to think about that too? I was still looking for a shortcut. Some kind of default understanding that would give me some kind of foundation… so that I wouldn’t have to think so much. I eventually found it, but I had to struggle a bit to get it. You might be wondering why I didn’t just ask him for what he does and eats, and I don’t mind telling you – I didn’t want to just copy what someone else was doing. I needed to find what worked for me, so that I’d know for a fact that I’d actually enjoy myself.

So, I created a list of things that I knew I couldn’t have anymore. Soft drinks? No. Bright, eerily colorful cereals? No. Chemical-laden foods? No. I knew what I needed to avoid and I knew why I needed to avoid it. And, I was off.

So… I had my boundaries that I couldn’t break. But dang, that felt like my everything! It felt like everything was off limits! It felt as if everything I was into, I had to let go. I was really distraught! The more I learned about eating and how food was meant for my body, the more I realized: I wasn’t limiting myself… I was freeing myself.

I get it – that sounds corny – but let me explain. My options were only as limited as my access, my cooking ability and my creativity. I’m no longer limited to horrible sugary crap in a box for breakfast. I can buy a pound of oatmeal for $1.30, buy my own maple syrup and my own brown sugar (both of which I keep on hand for baking, anyway) and make my own maple and cinnamon oatmeal. And because my ingredients are so much more flavorful, I use less of them – a flavorful enough maple syrup and the right cinnamon? I’m set.

I don’t even have to eat grains for breakfast if I don’t want them. I can eat – get this – fruit. Or vegetables. I don’t even have to drink milk if I choose. I can have an omelette. I can have biscuits and apple butter. I don’t have to short change myself and limit myself to what’s in a box… or feel like I should skip breakfast altogether just because I can’t sit down and cook something. Cooking “from the aisles” (which, really, isn’t cooking at all) was far more limiting than anything else I could come up with on my own.

Having said that… it’s obviously about being a half-full or half-empty type. My experience with food turned me into a half-full type.. because for my health, I couldn’t afford to see my kitchen as “half-empty.” Looking at the situation from a negative standpoint pretty much ensured that I’d spend the rest of my life unhealthy and overweight… and that simply was not an option. Was it difficult to give up what I loved? You’re damn right it was, but was my desires and cravings more important to me than my own person? My desire to drink a soft drink outweighed my desire to be healthy? Um, no. Never that. Especially when I can eat natural foods, eat less and enjoy them just-as-much-if-not-more? C’mon, there’s no contest, here.

Sure, you might see “Oh, so I can have an omelette or some oatmeal for breakfast.. but that’s only two options.” Not if you’re creative with your ingredients. I can add peppers, chili powder, coriander and a sausage and pow. Mexican omelette. Cheese, mushroom, tomato.. boom. French omelette. Chilies, onion, sausage? Pow.

Want me to keep going? I won’t. Team BGG2WL loves to talk about oatmeal, too.

Easing into clean eating is first and foremost about reframing the situation – you are not limiting yourself… you are giving yourself more options than you’ve ever had before. You are not depriving yourself, you are using your time to explore other possibilities. You aren’t unhappy about giving up your old favorites… you are nervous about finding new ones, but still willing to try. Willing to try because, well, our health depends on it.

Do you have any tips for someone who needs help easing into clean eating?

Easing Into Eating Clean is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Q&A Wednesday: Is Clean Eating An Eating Disorder?
2. Why I Don’t Believe In “Cheating” On Your Clean Eating
3. Welcome To Clean Eating Boot Camp!

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: mentality, reframing

Conversations about weight are always brought to me in terms of numbers.

“How much have you lost? Oh, my gosh! What’s your goal weight? Are you there yet? Are you still losing? How much more do you want to lose?”

Numbers, numbers, numbers. It’s so bizarre.

I can tell someone I weigh 110, and that person has no idea whether or not that weight is “sensible” for me or my daily functions. Why? Because “sensible” includes my height (110 looks very different on six feet tall and five feet tall), my body composition, and everything in between. It’s just not that simple.

We grind things down into bare bones numbers because it simplifies the conversation – I get that. And there’s nothing wrong with having even a passing interest in what’s going on with me and asking “typical small talk weight questions” – particularly if you’re someone I care about. Those aren’t what my problem is, though. My problem is, really, something that’s my own fault… and really isn’t even a problem at all, if you ask me.

My problem is that I don’t have a weight loss goal. All this weight gone, and I still don’t have a weight loss goal. That’s right. I said it.I have no “once I reach this number, I’ll be happy” weight. And I don’t think I ever will.

My experience with numbers is that they don’t quantify much. They just… don’t. The scale (and, subsequently, losing weight) don’t quantify how healthy you’ll be or how able you are to handle your daily business.

Here’s an example: I’m a lover of pole fitness. I had to learn how to use my muscles in conjunction with one another in order to accomplish the moves I wanted to do. No matter how thin you are, if you don’t have the upper body strength to lift yourself up off the floor… if you don’t have the leg strength to keep them in the air as you spin… if you don’t have the abs to be able to flip yourself over… you will be limited in what you can do. No scale could quantify that ability.

Here’s another example: I, a former asthmatic, am a runner. I run. I run to become faster. I run because I have nightmares of outrunning zombie– errr, let’s just say I’d like to be able to protect Mini-me and myself if need be. The first time I ran my first full mile, I cried. Like a total wuss. No scale could predict when I’d be able to accomplish that. Hell, I couldn’t even predict when I’d be able to accomplish that… and I’m the one doing the running.

One last example: I want to look svelte and sleek and sexy in my progress bikini. I want well-built thighs, tight arms, a six pack and a toned neck and shoulders. I lift weights because I want to achieve that. I spent 6 months lifting weights like nobody’s business, and lost maybe 7lbs on the scale. I also lost almost 30lbs of fat. I lost, but what I gained was so much more valuable and important. If my focus was purely on “reaching my goal number,” I might be silly enough to stop weight lifting just to reach that goal number. (Calm down, I said I might be.)

I accepted a long time ago that numbers won’t decide whether or not I look how I want at a certain weight. And even though I get the general gist of the questions.. I do wonder what people think a “goal weight” quantifies other than “a loss of mass.”

I don’t think I ever had a goal. I changed my habits and kind of just enjoyed the weight loss and increased activity levels as they came.

That does make me wonder, though. Do we see goals as something to politely and calmly reach, and then relax upon reaching there? Or do we see them as “mile markers” in a marathon – “Yeah, I reached this marker, but I think I’ll still keep going?”

And do we see goals as public property and “small talk?” As complicated as my current goals are, I certainly don’t think I can talk about them in a conversation with people who are only slightly interested in me. I don’t say that to imply that people shouldn’t ask – I don’t mind that – but I do mean that perhaps we should be careful regarding how we discuss our goals and who we share them with.

Enter the video above, sent to me by @quiethaylestorm. I actually think it’s cute that he references fitness in his slideshow. I also think that’s appropriate.

When I first started, two people knew. My then-boyfriend, and my Mother. He knew because he’d have to deal with my changing body and lifestyle, and Mom because she was watching my Mini-me while I worked it out at the gym at night. When I first began working on my eating habits, another two people knew… and again, only because I needed their guidance and support. The only people who were aware of my goals were the people directly related to me achieving them.

I kept my goals to myself because I knew that I was unsure of myself – unsure of the mechanics behind why I was successful – and I didn’t want to leave myself open to bad advice and negativity. I knew that I was insecure about it, and the only way to change that was to spend time educating myself before I thrust myself into the open about it. Not only that, but I tend to be really dismissive of unwanted advice and unnecessary criticism. I don’t care to hear about how someone thinks women who lift weights are manly. I just.. I’d rather bypass the entire situation and choose my words more carefully.

The only reason I started publicly talking about my weight loss was because, after a certain point, I couldn’t really hide it anymore. Otherwise, I’d still be hiding away from everyone but my “investors”… and just bust out with my phenomenal physique like “Ta-dow! How ya like me now?!”

I agree with him, though. I believe that using your time to reflect on your goals (instead of allowing yourself to be patted on the back for actually having the goal) is much more effective in helping you get there. I understand why people tell me their goals – especially considering the position I’m in with having this blog – but in general conversation? Some things, to me, should be better protected.

While being able to see a specific number on the scale might be exciting, it’s not as long-lasting as the abilities you might develop on your journey or the knowledge you’d acquire along the way. Maybe I’m silly for thinking it’s more valuable to set a more meaningful goal than “losing a few pounds,” but for someone like me… that was the best thing I could do for myself. The abilities I’ve developed on my path have changed my quality of life forever. I’ve developed new habits that have changed my life. They ensure that I’ll never have to worry about putting on those “few pounds” ever again.

To wrap this up… I love my goals because they’re meaningful, and what’s more – they’re going to prevent me from backsliding. I love my trusted support system, because they’ve stood beside me as I’ve gotten this far… through the entire thing. I love myself enough to recognize that I don’t need anyone else’s validation of my goals. They’re good enough for me, and as long as I keep striving towards them… the important stuff is all under control. Everything else, to me, is unnecessary.

What about you? Do you prefer to set number goals over anything else? Do you keep your goals to yourself, or do you share? What are your thoughts on the video?

Setting Goals: How, Why & Who Do You Tell? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

The FULL list of meal plans is currently available. Check it out and get your copy today!

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 41 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: conversation, goal setting, goals, mentality, society

Though there are a lot of women who are well aware of what emotional eating truly is and how it affects our ability to conquer weight loss as well as improve our health… there are a lot of us who kind of gloss over the topic – either intentionally or subconsciously – because we either don’t know the realities of it, or we simply fear the realities of it.

Hopefully, I can provide an easy and clear understanding.

A while back, I remember hearing this quote: “If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer.” It didn’t dawn on me what that meant, because I was so thick in the throes of finally overcoming my weight hurdles that nothing could make me so upset that I’d emotionally eat. It didn’t dawn on me until much later on that that quote addresses emotional eating head on.

What is emotional eating? It’s eating for any purpose other than nourishing the body. If you’re not running the super-extend-race-of-a-lifetime, there’s no reason to gorge out on pasta. If you’re not genuinely in need of nourishment, you’re not genuinely in need of food.

How do you spot emotional eating?

From WebMD:

1. Emotional hunger comes on suddenly; physical hunger occurs gradually.

2. When you are eating to fill a void that isn’t related to an empty stomach, you crave a specific food, such as pizza or ice cream, and only that food will meet your need. When you eat because you are actually hungry, you’re open to options.

3. Emotional hunger feels like it needs to be satisfied instantly with the food you crave; physical hunger can wait.

4. Even when you are full, if you’re eating to satisfy an emotional need, you’re more likely to keep eating. When you’re eating because you’re hungry, you’re more likely to stop when you’re full.

5. Emotional eating can leave behind feelings of guilt; eating when you are physically hungry does not.

I really like this list because we all know situations where this list applies – the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and now needs a pint of cookies-n-cream, the woman who just got chewed out by her boss and must find the nearest bakery – and we all may be able to recall a time where we’ve eaten beyond our “full” feeling because we were eating for that “ahhhh” feeling. There’s also this point about guilt – if I’m genuinely starving (which shouldn’t happen), I don’t feel bad about eating to fix that. If I’m eating emotionally, I’m giving up my ability to control how much food I take in because I’m not eating for nourishment, which has a finite point (that full feeling.) I’m eating to achieve an emotional feeling which, as we’ve seen lately, can very well take me beyond the point of fullness… and beyond the amount of calories I should be consuming for the meal, or even for the day.

There’s also the issue of what one chooses to use as a tool in emotional eating. It’s never “Oh, I’ve gotta have some broccoli right now.” It’s never “If I don’t get some carrots… right now.. I’m gonna cry!” It’s “Where’s the number to Papa John’s?” This is where the term “comfort food” comes into play.

How and why does emotional eating work?

How is it that emotional eating can cause and trigger such a response in the brain?

Once upon a time, in a land not very far from your home… lived mankind. No fast cars, no shiny structures, no skyscrapers, nothing. Just man.. rock… and animals.

See, this worked for man because his only task was to hunt wildlife, and gather his kill for his family. That was his responsibility. His purpose was to bring the salt and fat from the animal to the family. Not work, not bills… just hunt. Because life was much simpler then, this was man’s sole source of stress.

One day, man could not hunt. Every time he threw his spear, he’d miss his prey. He just couldn’t catch SQUAT! His family was to go hungry and he just… he couldn’t take it. The stress started to build up inside of him.

Because stress about the inability to eat is the only source of stress for man, his body became used to the eventual chain of events. His body knows: Lots of stress = lack of food coming in. How did his body react? His body decided to hold on to what it had – by way of diminishing the amount of energy his body could exert all at one time, by way of making sure his body took a very long time to lose weight, by way of making sure it held onto every pound and fat cell it could. This bodily reaction would only further compel man to step up his hunting skills… why? Because he didn’t want to feel that way! He didn’t want his family to feel that way! He had to get his caveman hustle on! When man was finally able to tackle that antelope or whatever-what-have-you, the fats and salts in the meat were sooooo satisfying that they would cure man of the bodily reaction to stress.

Compare this to emotional eating. The body’s reaction doesn’t change no matter what variables you swap out. Regardless if the stress comes from traffic, bad work day, or family problems… the body’s reaction to stress has not evolved as fast as society has. Now, we can get food within ten minutes if we drive or own a microwave. So presuming our body believes that stress is caused by a “famine on the way,” then it’s going to trigger feelings to make you go hunt! Our bodies just don’t know how easy it is to get food just yet. It hasn’t caught up.

This is what compels us to believe that emotional eating is the answer.

Emotional eating is defined as eating for a purpose other than curing hunger. If you’re eating for that gooey “Mmmmm” feeling, then yes – chances are, you might be emotionally eating. Approximately 75% of all overeating is attributed to emotional eating.

Because our bodies always provide this same reaction to food in a time of stress, our body’s reward system tells us that it makes sense to eat when stressed. It’s the fastest way to rid ourselves of this negative emotion, right? Stressed out about money and bills? You’re probably going to find the cheapest and quickest way to stick something in your mouth to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling. For some of us, that means we’ll be Dollar Menunaires for an hour. For some of us, that means we’ll be hittin’ up the Edy’s or Blue Bell. For others, we’ll be needing peanut butter and jelly, mac and cheese, or chocolate chip cookies.

Excerpted from Telling A Tale of Stress and Emotional Eating | A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss

What is a comfort food? It’s a food eaten to provide comfort, usually laden with sugar, fat, salt or a wild combination of such. Macaroni and cheese, the ultimate comfort food, is a prime example: the overabundance of fat and salt can quickly put you in a food coma.

It’s easy to see how emotional eating can hinder one’s efforts to lose weight and gain control of our eating habits… but how do you stop?

How do you stop emotional eating?

Remember – if you are using emotional eating as a crutch to bring that kind of “peace” and “satisfaction” to your life, you are using emotional eating as a coping mechanism. You’re basically using it to make you happy. Think long and hard about that – is there happiness missing in other places in your life? Is there no other way you can bring yourself satisfaction? Are you avoiding stressful situations? The best way to deal with stress is to face the source of the stress head up. Developing a hobby – knitting, beading, kickboxing, jogging, yoga – or finding an outlet for your frustration so that you have something to do will make a difference. It’s much better than sitting idly by inhaling ice cream because we feel lonely.

The very same WebMD article offers these answers:

• Recognize emotional eating and learn what triggers this behavior in you.
• Make a list of things to do when you get the urge to eat and you’re not hungry, and carry it with you, according to the Tufts Nutrition web site. When you feel overwhelmed, you can put off that desire by doing another enjoyable activity.
• Try taking a walk, calling a friend, playing cards, cleaning your room, doing laundry, or something productive to take your mind off the craving — even taking a nap, according to the Tufts Nutrition web site.
• When you do get the urge to eat when you’re not hungry, find a comfort food that’s healthy instead of junk food. “Comfort foods don’t need to be unhealthy,” says Wansink.
• For some, leaving comfort foods behind when they’re dieting can be emotionally difficult. Wansink tells WebMD, “The key is moderation, not elimination.” He suggests dividing comfort foods into smaller portions. For instance, if you have a large bag of chips, divide it into smaller containers or baggies and the temptation to eat more than one serving can be avoided.
• When it comes to comfort foods that aren’t always healthy, like fattening desserts, Wansink also offers this piece of information: “Your memory of a food peaks after about four bites, so if you only have those bites, a week later you’ll recall it as just a good experience than if you polished off the whole thing.” So have a few bites of cheesecake, then call it quits, and you’ll get equal the pleasure with lower cost.

I believe that once you know the “benefit” of emotional eating, it takes a very long time to recognize exactly how unsustainable it is as a habit in clean eating. I believe it also takes a lot of time learning how to be conscious of your surroundings and triggers to beat it. It is absolutely possible, though, with the right amount of awareness and self-care… but with those two things, anything’s possible.

How do you identify your emotional eating habits? How are you learning to overcome? How have you overcame thus far?

What, Exactly, Is Emotional Eating? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. The Difference Between Enjoying Eating and Emotional Eating
2. Q&A Wednesday: Dealing With Emotional Eating
3. Telling A Tale of Stress and Emotional Eating

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Post tags: emotional eating

What also makes sense is that when it comes time to change as a person, if our friends can’t accept that change or downplay/inhibit that change in some fashion, they should fall to the wayside… right?

So what happens when our friends are standing in the way of our growth as healthy individuals? Think about it. Do we get together over a jog, or over a giant Three-For-All (pictured above)? Do we get together and drink a six pack together, or do we go someplace…. where food isn’t involved? If I suggest that we get together over an activity, not a meal… is someone wondering, “Yeah, and can we stop at Chili’s? I’m starving!”

I think it’s a difficult realization to face – that the people we love might be enabling bad habits that are hazardous to our health. I remember my best friend – who actually models – and I always would get together for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and/or the bar. She started working out at a local gym, and I… went for 7 days. That was it for us and the gym thing. And eventually, the more in-tune she got with her health, the more time it resulted in her spending away from me. Phone time? I’ve got you covered. Otherwise, it wasn’t happening.

I can admit it now – her “healthiness” made me uncomfortable! It was a constant reminder of how unhealthy I was, and instead of telling myself “Yeah, she might lap me on the track but I’m good if I keep going,” I said “I’m not going to embarrass myself like this!” She would also tell you, that my friendship was bad for her health. We talked all the time, but we couldn’t hang – because I always needed food to be involved, for some reason. That’s just the way it was. We can joke about it now, but it’s an underlying issue in many friendships, I’d presume.

Enter this lovely article that I came across via Yahoo! discussing how our friendships impact our health. Taken from the article:

In the study, 130 kids ages 9 to 15 were allowed to snack as much as they wanted while hanging out with a friend or with a peer they did not know. All the kids ate more when they were with a friend than with a stranger. But the overweight children ate the most when paired with an overweight friend – an average of 300 more calories than when they spent time with leaner friends. The research also found that friendship itself makes the appetite grow stronger: when overweight kids ate with similar-weight kids who were already their pals, they threw back an extra 250 calories than when they ate with chubby kids they had just met.

If that wasn’t enough to make you raise an eyebrow, here’s a little more:

Socializing with overweight people can change what we perceive as the norm; it raises our tolerance for obesity both in others and in ourselves. It’s also about letting your hair down. Past research has shown that adults tend to eat more around friends and family than they do with strangers. They shed their inhibitions about how it looks when they go back for thirds or order the alfredo sauce instead of the marinara.

I’ve got one more that goes in line with what I mentioned earlier:

Finally, there’s the idea that we like to hang with people who are like ourselves. Cornell food sociologist Jeffrey Sobal explains that “especially among two overweight people, there’s a sort of permission-giving going on. We’re encouraging each other to eat more.”

So knowing this, what do we do? Do we start dumping our friends who are less healthy than ourselves? Do we begin to grow offended by the friends who might’ve faded out of our lives? Do we simply chalk it up to natural progression and look forward to experiencing our own?

I can honestly tell you, I don’t know. Almost ALL of my friends were in single-digit sizes. They all tried to help me, but I had to come to this conclusion about my self and my health.. on my own. With the logic in this article, I should’ve fallen by the wayside a long time ago.

However, their lack of desire to talk to me about health and fitness wasn’t helping me, either. It was almost as if it made them uncomfortable, or they were afraid to hurt my feelings. No lie, it probably would’ve hurt my feelings for sure. It enabled my bad behavior (not like they should be responsible for it in any capacity, anyhow.) It took my making friends who were as fitness focused as I eventually became to help me integrate my healthy habits into my life.

It took me seeing that people “really live this way” (and yes, I put that in quotation marks because that’s the exact quote I said to myself!) for me to accept that this was an option for me. It took me learning that people “really think about these things” when they order food. And sure enough, when I started to blindly and openly talk about these things with my friends, all of a sudden we started to have new conversations! About calories, cooking, health, fitness, exercise, yoga, junk food, everything! It was like they were keeping a part of themselves away from me because they didn’t want to hurt me. Sure enough, our friendships grew much better beyond that because we were able to bond over one more important part of our lives. I learned a lot of the things that I share in this blog from those relationships.

So, I say all of that to say this: If your friends are hindering your progress, don’t just fall back – if they’re in the same boat as you, talk to them and see if you all have the same concerns and are just afraid to bring them up. If they’re “not concerned” or “just trying to enjoy today,” then find more friends to share your fitness goals and experiences with… and serve as a role model for your friends who are in the same boat as you. You never know who you may inspire, or who may bond with you after they become inspired by your progress!

What About Your Friends: Are They Helping Or Hindering Your Progress? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Motivation and Measuring Weight Loss Progress: The Progress Dress
2. Q&A Wednesday: Unsupportive Friends Tell Me “Live A Little!”
3. A Year Of Progress In Photos

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: emotional eating, relationships, social eating

In my opinion, if you’re an emotional eater, then your emotional eating and sugar addiction go hand in hand. Sugar addiction exists because of the feeling that ingesting sugar gives you, and the amount that you ingest will increase each time you eat and don’t get the same kind of feeling you were hoping for. The chase of that high comes coupled with a slew of calories, which is why it can become a weight issue, as well. An emotional eater can also be an extremely active person and, therefore, not have any weight issues.

It wasn’t until I failed – several times – that I realized that I simply cannot eat processed foods. Call it – or me – whatever you will, I know my limitations… and they include products created by companies who have millions of dollars invested in creating formulas (because they aren’t recipes) that the public cannot resist. The best thing I could’ve done for myself, in this instance, was making myself aware of my limitations. This is one of them. They simply trigger a part of me that I have no desire to test to determine whether or not I’m truly beyond it.

That being said, when I saw that SparkPeople has an article about beating and defeating a sugar addiction, I was overjoyed. A lot of this outlines what I endured and how I overcame my own addiction, and I think I may even add to this later on in the future. It’s really a dope start.

From SparkPeople:

Week 1: Identify Sugar and Where It’s Hiding
The first step in conquering your sugar habit is to rid your pantry and refrigerator of added sugar. Some things (think ice cream, cookies and candy) are obvious, but most of us need to look closer at where the sugar in our diets is coming from. This will require a bit of label reading in the beginning, but after a while, it will become easier.

In order to cut back on hidden or added sugar, scan the ingredients list of a food label. If you see any of the following terms listed, then sugar has been added to the product in one form or another and it is best left on the shelf at the store—especially if that sugar shows up within the first five ingredients of any food product.

This first week is about awareness. Reading labels before you buy—or bite. How many of your favorite foods contain hidden sugars in the top of their ingredients lists?

Once you have identified the sources of sugar in your diet, clean out your kitchen. Throw out or donate all of the products that contain hidden or added sugars, including any juice, soda, candy, sweets and seemingly healthy snacks like granola bars, fruit and grain bars, instant oatmeal and sports drinks. This may sound drastic, but stay with me!

Remember, you don’t have to throw away everything that is sweet! Natural sugar, like the kind you find in whole fruit, contains vitamins, minerals and fiber, which are lost in the processing of juice. Milk contains naturally occurring sugars, but also provides calcium, vitamin D and protein. So unlike soda, fruit juices and other processed foods, whole fruit and dairy products provide us with essential vitamins and minerals that our bodies need. Be wary of certain fruit- or milk-based products that contain added sugars though: flavored milk, many yogurts, fruits canned or jellied in added sugar or syrups, and the like. Opt for unflavored skim or 1% milk, plain yogurt or Greek yogurt, and whole pieces of fruit. Remember, we are trying to cut out the 151 pounds a year of added sugar, not the naturally occurring sugar found in whole foods.

Week 2: Stock Your Sugar-Free Kitchen
In one week, you’ve probably found lots of sugar in your diet. Some of it may have been obvious, like those frozen waffles or lattes from the local coffee joint. But others might not have been so clear, as sugar tends to lurk in many “diet” foods and lower-fat foods, added by manufacturers to make their low-cal offerings taste better.

Now that you know what to look for (and avoid), it’s time to replace the products you tossed with sugar-free counterparts. For example, replace high-sugar cereals with a whole grain cereal that contains little to no added sugars. Sweeten it naturally with fresh berries or half of a diced banana. Instead of snacking on candy or cookies, reach for a handful of nuts or some raw veggies and hummus. Replace sweetened yogurt with Greek yogurt or plain yogurt. Look back at week one and the foods you used to eat that contained sugar. Can you find no-sugar oatmeal? A healthier snack than a sugar-sweetened smoothie (how about a whole piece of fruit)? A more filling afternoon treat than that sugary “protein bar” (such as peanut butter on whole-grain crackers)?

When choosing a refreshing beverage to quench your thirst, keep in mind that you want to eat your calories, not drink them. Choose ice cold water flavored with a squeeze of fresh lemon or an orange slice. Or flavor unsweetened iced tea with fresh mint, crushed raspberries, or a squeeze of citrus.

One tip to help you avoid added sugar at the supermarket is to shop the perimeter of the grocery store as much as possible. Think about the general layout of a grocery store: The outside is home to fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, dairy products, and whole grain breads and the inside aisles are stocked with cookies, chips, soda, fruit juice, cake mixes, and other processed foods. Spend most of your time on the outside and only go down the inner aisles for specific products, like whole-grain pasta.

Never shop on an empty stomach and always shop with a list. Shopping while hungry can lead you to adding all kinds of snacks and impulse buys to your cart. Meal planning can be a tricky task at first, but following a meal plan is an important part of breaking the sugar addiction. It will help to keep you on track and help prevent stopping for fast food when you don’t have a game plan for dinner. Spend a little time on Sunday afternoons jotting down some meal ideas for throughout the week. Make a list of the food items you will need to make the meals you wrote down and stick to it!

Week 3: Stop the Cravings
Now you really start to put your plan into action. You’ve identified the sources of added sugar in your diet and replaced those foods with healthier and more wholesome alternatives. Your kitchen is now set up for success!

This week’s focus should be on making a conscious effort to avoid sugary foods. When a craving strikes, try going for a walk or simply drinking a glass of water. Take a hot bath or get lost in a good book. Typically any craving will pass if you wait it out long enough. But it’s important to begin understanding the difference between true hunger and food cravings. If you are truly hungry, a handful of nuts or some raw veggies dipped in hummus will sound appetizing, so go ahead and eat one of your healthy snacks. But if you’re craving something sweet or a specific sugary food, use a distraction technique.

The first week of saying no to sugar will be the hardest, but the more diligently you stick to your plan, the better you’ll fare in the end. Even a tiny taste of sugar during this time period can lead to setbacks.

After a couple sugar-free weeks, your sugar threshold will start to decrease and you will find that you no longer crave sugar or sweets as you once did. As with any lifestyle change, the first couple of weeks are the hardest. Eventually, it will become habit to reach for a mint tea or piece of fruit instead of juice and candy.

Week 4: Game Plan for Life
Now that you have yanked that sweet tooth, it’s time to devise a plan to prevent a sugar relapse. Although sugar isn’t necessary for health and it’s perfectly fine if you want to continue avoiding it, it probably isn’t realistic for most people to avoid all forms of sugar forever.

So if you want to allow a little sweetness back into your life, that’s OK. Moderation is key. Don’t let sugar and sweets become a daily habit. Instead, consider them to be special occasion treats only. With your lowered threshold for sweetness, that shouldn’t be too hard. But if you begin to indulge too often or overindulge over a short period of time (such as a weeklong vacation), you could find yourself back in trouble with sugar all over again.

If you slip up, don’t beat yourself up over it. Accept your action and decide to make a better decision next time and move on. Continue to experiment with your new, healthy foods and recipes. You’d be surprised at how many ways you can make treats healthier and use far less sugar than a recipe suggests.

And remember: It generally takes about 3-4 weeks for a new behavior to become habit, the most important thing is to stick with it.

While there are a few parts of this that I don’t agree with – “moderation” being one of them, ignoring what makes people turn to sugar in the first place being another – there are large chunks of this that I believe parallel what I’ve experienced in my own journey. And while I, also, don’t think it’s only a “four week” affair, I think that taking a long, hard look at the steps it takes to defeat a sugar addiction can give many people the leg-up they require to be successful.

Thoughts?

The Four-Week Plan For Curbing Your Sugar Addiction is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. What Is Sugar Addiction?
2. Q&A Wednesday: Sugar, Food Addiction and Backsliding
3. Take The Quiz: Do You Have An Unhealthy Food Addiction?

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clean eating, cravings, emotional eating, meal planning, processed foods, sugar addiction, sugar cravings

I found an article – I’m not going to say where – that basically stated that it’s a “great idea to check your weight every morning on the scale.” Actually, it said this:

Step on the scale every morning. This will help you monitor even the smallest fluctuations in your weight. Another helpful strategy is trying on the same pair of jeans every morning. That way you can actually feel how your body changes on a day-to-day basis and when your jeans fit tighter than they should. Size can often be a more real measurement of fat than weight. Whatever you chose, keep tabs on your weight.

Someone hit the brakes.

Let me tell you a personal story.

In May of 2008, I finally became fed up and decided to sign up for the 24hr gym located nearby. Inside, I found a beautiful workout center, a gorgeous bathroom, and a scale. When I first stepped on that scale, I was emotional. Teary eyed. I felt like that scale was a negative correlation to my worth… the more I weigh, the less I am worth. No, it’s not true and no, no one would openly and outwardly say it but we ALL know that actions speak much louder than words on any given day. Standing on that scale was a reminder of how I had let myself go.

I immediately jumped off of it, rushed out of the bathroom wiping tears from my eyes (there weren’t really any there, but to make sure that the trainer didn’t see any signs of emotion) and grabbed my keys, vowing to be there that night. I WAS there that night, and sure enough… I jumped on that scale. I hit the gym 7 days a week, and every day… I hopped on that scale. I don’t know what I was expecting it to tell me, because I wasn’t eating a pound’s worth of calories in one day… so I certainly wasn’t going to lose a pound’s worth of calories in a day.

Between days, though, let me tell you – I got some of the CRAZIEST numbers for my weight ever! Some days, I’d gain 4lbs, other days I’d lose 3. I mistakenly thought it was because I was busting my tail at the gym, but it wasn’t. It had much more to do with the fact that I was eating like a pig, mistakenly thinking that when it came to calories, I was burning way more than I was taking in. Womp womp.

Your Weight Can Change Daily

Did you know that drinking two liters of water a day can add up to 4lbs to your weight on the scale? That’s not to say that you shouldn’t drink water, but it’s to say that every little thing that you bring in your system can alter your weight on the scale. Did you have a nice carb-heavy dinner, and very little fiber? In other words, did you have a day with food coming in, but no food going out? That’s going to affect your weight on the scale, too! In short, when you step on the scale, there’s no allowance for “what you might’ve eaten that day.” When you step up there, you’re weighing everything on you – your clothes, your shoes, the water you drank, the food you ate, that which has not yet passed through your system… everything. That changes throughout the day, let alone throughout the week. Sure, you can hit the potty before you step up there, but there are no guarantees.

There’s also another thing – you are (presumably) losing weight. You have a mental hurdle that you have to overcome that has nothing to do with numbers on a scale. Addressing obesity demands a lifestyle change that is MUCH more important than numbers on a scale. Hitting that scale every day and seeing progress for a few days (assumedly your body ridding itself of waste) only to potentially gain again or “plateau” (again, probably only your body no longer having huge clumps of waste to rid itself of) is going to be tough to endure for the health novice. Will you mentally understand that? Will your efforts be thwarted by a lack of progress on the scale?

Orrr….

Will you realize that you’re making lifestyle changes that will help you get fit and remain fit for the rest of your life?

The important thing, here, is to realize that weight that took you months, years, or a lifetime to accumulate won’t be gone in a week. Maybe you’ll be at a point – mentally – to be able to deal with seeing “no progress” stare you in the face repeatedly. For now, it shouldn’t be your priority. Your priority should be incorporating healthy behavior in your daily activity, because the weight will just fall off after that!

Now… after reading all of that and you still think you can handle hitting the scale every day and seeing the same number even though you’re putting in twice as much effort as before, then by all means, go for it. Take this post as a warning sign of what roadblocks you can expect to encounter, and know that you can always scrap the scale until you get in a regular routine. If not? Say Sayonara to the scale and get to work!

Refuse To Be A Slave To The Scale is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Photo Proof: The Stupid Scale Doesn’t Matter
2. Rapper, Fat Joe, Loses 100lbs: “Scale Couldn’t Even Measure My Weight”
3. On A Scale Of 1-10, How Much Does This Offend You?

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 20 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: motivation, scales, weight

Trying to attract men… or trying to keep a man… or trying to please a man.

This isn’t some man-hating thesis… I love my men just as much as the next hetero chick (or gay dude, for that matter) but for crying out loud, I have to set some boundaries in regards to just how much of my life revolves around them.

When I chat with women about fitness, we inevitably have the “boo” conversation.

“Hey… I’m just tryin’ to get a boo.”

“Girl, you’re crazy. I get plenty of boos right now with all this booty and all these thighs!”

Then, you get your skinny minnies joining the conversation and pissing everybody off:

“I just want thicker thighs, but I can’t eat all that cornbread! I’m tired of being called skinny!”

Sure enough, we all leave the conversation a little more angry, a little more tired, and a little more depressed than when we entered.

I see three major issues, here.

Firstly, to the woman losing weight solely to get the man – once you get the man, are you pretty much done caring for and maintaining your body? Are you going to skip the working out and eating properly because you “got your boo?” I mean, really – talk about a bait and switch. We’d be mad as sin if he (or she?) only opened doors and pulled out chairs to make us swoon and once he felt like we were deep enough in love, gave up on that stuff. Find yourself valuable enough to be a person worth pleasing. If you’re at a point where appearance is important, be invested enough in pleasing yourself with your appearance… that you’ll work to maintain it for all time. Not just for now… or until he puts a ring on it. Sure enough, you’ll be forced to adopt healthier choices and everyone will be healthier in the long run.

Secondly, to the woman who believes she doesn’t need to lose weight specifically because all the men are praising her frame. There is nothing worse than a woman who uses outside validation as an excuse for not keeping herself in check. It’s one thing to appreciate outside validation (“Oh, girl, you look great!” or the “Wow, you’re getting small!”), but to use it as the basis and/or grounds for decisions in my personal life? Unacceptable.

It’s bad enough that society tells us, on a daily basis, that the end goal for women is [not a successful career, not a dope loft in a bustling metropolitan city, not even CEO status.. but] a happy family and a man. It’s bad enough that we keep being told “Have babies or your eggs will shrivel up to nothingness and you will be worthless, girl!” Letting men (or any outside factor, for that matter) play such a huge role in how concerned (or unconcerned, for that matter) we are with our overall health is just doing too much.

When I first started out on my own path for weight loss, I had a supportive boyfriend. He wasn’t pushing me in either direction – in fact, I think he knew this was a journey I needed to figure out on my own for me. I needed to stand on my own two feet emotionally. I needed to support myself. I needed to be my own cheerleader first, and allow the support of others to come second. I’m thankful for that, because our relationship didn’t last. I can only imagine where I’d be had he chosen otherwise and I’d relied on him to keep me focused, because heaven knows I wasn’t that emotionally stable when it came to self-care. I just now happen to have the hindsight to appreciate how things worked out for me, and how I developed an ability to spot what I needed (notice all the italicized “I needed”s in this paragraph.) and how important it was to make sure that I had what I needed emotionally. No one takes care of you better than you. Ever.

And speaking of hindsight, now I know that the “support from others” is not only conditional, but temporary. Since you, shrinking down in size, means you might be looking more like them/better than them, they become less and less likely to cheer you on in the future. Just like how I wrote about friendships either helping or hindering our efforts to be healthier, those friends might’ve been keeping you around because [in some sick and twisted way] you made them feel better about not being… like you. Becoming a healthier version of yourself – regardless of whether or not that includes weight loss – not only shines an uncomfortable light on their own habits, but makes people feel competitive. Especially if they saw you as beneath them.

Not saying everyone is like that, but dang if it didn’t happen. Please believe the “Wow, you’re getting small!”s eventually turn into “Wow, you’re too skinny, now! Here, have some more [insert crap], girl. Eat up.” and behind your back? It’s probably “That bitch needs a cookie… or a cheeseburger.”

Now, I get questions like “So are you dating much more now that you’ve lost weight?” and get blank stares when I reply, “I’m not dating at all. I’m too focused on me right now to get to know anyone new.”

“Awww, girl, you’re wasting all that hard work!”

Aw, word? So.. my losing weight, escaping diabetes and hypertension, and changing my habits was… to expand my dating options? I mean, forget the fact that I wanted to make sure that if I needed to protect my child and I, I could. And forget the fact that I wanted to make sure that I’d be around long enough to see my grandchildren graduate college. And even forget the fact that I needed to know that I wasn’t actively contributing to my own demise all for the sake of something stupid like the kind of food I insisted on shoving down my throat.

My hard work was wasting because… I wasn’t dating. Priorities, people.

I’m convinced that there’s a conspiracy out there meant to prevent women from valuing themselves and their own opinions enough to be comfortable with shutting out society. Heaven forbid we be empowered enough to tell someone exactly where they – and their silly opinions – can go.

I think that we can all say that 80% of weight loss is eating properly. I think we can also say that for so many of us, our eating problems come from an emotional place. If there’s an emotional void, why allow someone other than ourselves to fill it? Why allow ourselves to rely on something or someone so flimsy?

Let’s be honest about it: no other person, no outside source of validation – whether you’re seeking that validation or already have that validation – can replace how we feel about ourselves… and if we feel like we need to tune up our habits, tighten up our physiques or eat better? Then we need to believe enough in ourselves, have enough faith in ourselves, and value our own opinions enough to make it happen. It’s as simple as that.

Men And Your Weight is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Did I Just Plateau? Why Am I Not Losing Weight?
2. 5 Reasons Why You Won’t Lose Weight
3. “Weight Loss Is For People With Low Self-Esteem”

The FULL list of meal plans is currently available. Check it out and get your copy today!

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2012. | Permalink | 41 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dating, health, men, perceptions, relationships, selfishness

Tomatoes... mmmm...

It’s ok to throw tomatoes at me. I’ll just make tomato bisque out of ‘em, anyway.

I think it’s appropriate to talk about “cheating” during a week where we’re committed to taking extra steps to eat healthier, cleaner and closer to the source because, honestly, so many of us are struggling with the vast amount of sacrifices we’ve had to make in order to do better.

No, I don’t believe in cheating. Cheating is a concept inherited from the “dieting” mentality… something else that I don’t agree with.

Allow me to explain.

People who take on temporary diets to lose a few pounds, only to revert right back to the habits that caused them to pack on the pounds in the first place… they “cheat” their diets every now and again. They “cheat” and eat the way they used to, because they’ve realized that they took on a diet that was far too restrictive for their natural liking – in a cold turkey kind of way, at that – and regress… without really learning anything from the situation altogether.

I can’t support that for a ton of reasons.

Firstly, it implies – like I mentioned – that you took on something too restrictive and too soon. Why? Are you trying to fit in a dress before the weekend, or are you trying to change things up so that you never have a problem getting in that dress again? Why did you go cold turkey? Don’t we know a gazillion people who’ve tried to cut things (namely smoking) cold turkey, only to regress because it was too much to bear?

Secondly, it implies that we don’t recognize that the habits/food items we used to “cheat” are the ones that got us in this mess in the first place! If I have committed to clean eating, decide to have a “cheat day” when I come home from work and have a TV dinner… y’know, because I’m sooooo tired and need to relax after a long day? C’mon, man! That ain’t gon’ cut it! The TV dinner might not even be that terrible – it’s not the food that’s the problem! It’s the habit. Coming home and not having anything healthy prepped for you to take? Coming home and having the TV dinner in the house in the first place? That’s the kind of stuff that results in you hitting up a fast food joint.

Embrace the fact that you are changing your life. You are not yo-yo dieting. You are not overindulging. You are not leaving yourself open to the risk of unpreparedness. You are definitely not going to gain the weight back.

You certainly aren’t “cheating.”

So… if I’m not cheating, what happens when I slip up?

First of all, it’s not a horrible thing. It’s not a “cheat” – because that implies that “it’s ok because I don’t do it often” – it’s a learning opportunity. Take a long, hard look at what you slipped up on. Take a look at why you felt that you “needed” it so badly. Analyze how you felt directly before and after you ate it. Did it help you feel better? Are you going to be hungry ten minutes from now? Was it empty calories?

Now, think about the future. Is this a good habit to maintain? Do you need to take some extra precautions to prevent this kind of trouble? Did you slip up because cold turkey just isn’t working for you? If you’re mad that you had that TV dinner when you know you’re supposed to be cooking, what extra precautions do you need to take to prevent it from happening again? You need to step your freezer game up, or have lighter dishes on hand. You need to have better snacks nearby to eat while you cook (yes, I do this too.) Embrace a salad instead. You know you’re supposed to do X, instead you do Y… so do what you have to do to make sure that you never forget that X.

I’m not talking about those situations where you just can’t get out of an eating mishap. I was hit with the example of a temperamental boss buying you a little birthday cake – can you really.. really turn down a slice? This isn’t cheating. This is acknowledging that life happens. While you may feel like you need punishment in the form of a supercardio session, this isn’t you indulging for no reason other than “I just wanted it.” Be reasonable in your assessment – if you feel like you’re giving yourself a pass for bad behavior, admit that. It’s a part of learning the lesson that comes with “cheating.”

In short, you don’t “cheat” a lifestyle. There is nothing ok about going against what you know you’re supposed to be doing, and making it “ok” because it’s “only for one day.” That doesn’t cut it. It’s half’ing it.

I hate this cliché (I hate all clichés) but really, this is a lifestyle change. For crying out loud don’t “cheat” it, because you’re only “cheating” yourself. So give yourself the time and patience it takes – the time and patience you deserve – to become accustomed to things you might’ve never tried.. never done.. never imagined. It’s so worth it.

Why I Don’t Believe In “Cheating” On Your Clean Eating is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Q&A Wednesday: Is Clean Eating An Eating Disorder?
2. Easing Into Eating Clean
3. Q&A Wednesday: How Do You Co-Habitate With Clean Eating?

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Post tags: cheating, clean eating, dieting, Healthy Eating, mentality

Now, make no mistake about it – one of the things I learned quickly about cooking for myself was that I could, in fact, stuff myself guilt free because I knew I was eating what my body wanted. There’s nothing better than being able to gorge myself on a plate of good food without that “I’m making myself fat!” feeling.

However, there is a point where you have to abandon the “stuff yourself” mentality altogether. The goal has to be less of “stuff yourself” and more of “fuel yourself,” and that requires you to pay more attention to yourself in order to gauge your “three stages of fullness.”

What are those three stages? Well, there are two that we’re already familiar with – “starving,” as evidenced by the hunger pangs we often battle; and “stuffed,” as evidenced by the unbuttoned pants at the dinner table. But what about that vast middle of the spectrum? Let’s talk more about that middle.

In Okinawa, they refer to it as “80% full.” From Zen Habits:

The Okinawans call this rule “Hara Hachi Bu”, and if you haven’t tried it, you should. I did this on Thanksgiving — while I usually stuff myself with all the good food, I just ate until I was about 80% full. Of course, there’s no way to know exactly how full you are, but it’s a guideline. And as our brains are 10-20 minutes behind our stomachs, it usually turns out that when you think you’re 80% full, you’re actually full … while when we eat to 100% full, we are usually overstuffing ourselves.The result of this rule for Okinawans is that they end up eating fewer calories than most people. They tend not to gain too much weight as a result, and coupled with their active lifestyles (they farm and garden and generally stay active, even into their 100s), it keeps them very healthy.

The result for the rest of us is that eating fewer calories will keep the extra pounds off. If we pair this with the next rule and an active lifestyle, we can actually lose weight during the holidays.

A dinner with fruits, vegetables and sensible protein would result in a filling meal, no doubt, but how much of it do you really need? If the idea is that Americans, as a whole, have meals that are too large (regardless of quality)… then how do you gauge how much is enough?

Despite what our parents told us as kids, you don’t determine when enough is enough by the plate. You determine it by your stomach.

I know that this is a strange concept for many of us here in America, simply because that’s not how we were bred to approach food, for the most part. However, lots of things we’ve been told about how to approach food in this country is wrong, simply because the goal has always been to benefit food manufacturing… not us.

Think about it – there’s an old story about how Campbell’s Soup was frustrated by the fact that people kept their soups in the pantry and only used them when everything else was gone in the fridge… so Campbell’s went out of their way to brand themselves as “the perfect meal during a storm,” or “the perfect meal to eat when it snows.” Marketing it this way compelled people to do what? Eat soup during a storm. Eat soup when it snows. This also increased the likelihood that you’d buy more of it next time you hit the grocery store. Again, lots of what we’ve been told about eating and food didn’t always originate with the intended goal of benefiting us.

The point of eating multiple meals a day, despite rumors and new studies, isn’t only the supposed benefits to our metabolism. It’s to help stave off hunger to prevent us from overeating. The goal isn’t to have filling meals. The goal is also not to stuff ourselves on healthier food as opposed to crap food. The goal is simply to keep hunger pangs at bay. This is especially helpful for those who have those last 15lbs to get rid of. It’s no easy task, but it is simple.

The traditional Okinawa diet, with its emphasis on vegetables, whole grains, fruits, legumes (soy foods) and fish with limited amounts of lean meats serves as a model for healthy eating and healthy aging that not only reduces your risk of cardiovascular disease but also helps to minimize free radical production. Free radicals are cell-damaging molecules that are generated mainly by our bodies’ metabolism when we create energy from food.

The Okinawan cultural habit of calorie control called hara hachi bu, which means eat only until you are 80% full, plays a role as well as their habit of eating an antioxidant rich plant-based diet. Stopping at 80% capacity is actually a very good strategy to avoid obesity without going hungry because the stomach’s stretch receptors take about 20 minutes to tell the body that how full it really is and 20 minutes after stopping you will really feel full. [source]

What does this mean for your current eating habits? Well, for starters, it means you have to eat slower. It means you have to pay attention to your tummy. Once the hunger pangs are gone, determine whether you’re eating simply because you want to keep eating the food or if you’re eating because you’re genuinely hungry. If you want to keep eating simply because you’re enjoying yourself, then dive in… but if you don’t want the extra calories that’d only contribute to stuffing yourself? Then you’ve got the opportunity to push the plate away a little early, and save some extra calories!

The Three Stages Of “Full”ness: How To Stop Stuffing Yourself is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. Stop Defeating Your Weight Loss Efforts Before You Begin
2. Portion Distortion: Stop Eating Out Of The Bag
3. Q&A Wednesday: How Do I Stop Holding Myself Back?

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: eating, hara hachi bu, intuitive eating, marketing, stuffing yourself

Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?

That simple question is the basis for a burgeoning new area of psychological research called self-compassion — how kindly people view themselves. People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures like being overweight or not exercising.

The research suggests that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health. People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic. Preliminary data suggest that self-compassion can even influence how much we eat and may help some people lose weight.

This idea does seem at odds with the advice dispensed by many doctors and self-help books, which suggest that willpower and self-discipline are the keys to better health. But Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, says self-compassion is not to be confused with self-indulgence or lower standards.

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent,” said Dr. Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin. “They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

Imagine your reaction to a child struggling in school or eating too much junk food. Many parents would offer support, like tutoring or making an effort to find healthful foods the child will enjoy. But when adults find themselves in a similar situation — struggling at work, or overeating and gaining weight — many fall into a cycle of self-criticism and negativity. That leaves them feeling even less motivated to change.

“Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation,” Dr. Neff said. “The reason you don’t let your children eat five big tubs of ice cream is because you care about them. With self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.”

I cannot express enough how important this concept of self-compassion truly is. It’s why I say “I don’t diet.” It’s why my plan for developing a strong sense of body image includes thinking of how I’d treat my four year old daughter if I caught her saying the same things about her body that I used to say about mine. It’s why I don’t believe in “cheat meals.”

When it comes to weight loss, self-compassion – instead of negative talk and chastising oneself for lacking “will power” – is the key because self-compassion allows for us to make mistakes and, thereafter, learn lessons from those mistakes. Even in the days when I was eating 7-layer dip for breakfast, I knew I was wrong but I allowed myself to make the mistake and accept what consequences would come from it… and I never ate it again. Not “I never ate it for breakfast again,” but “I never ate it again. Period.”

Self-discipline might be the way to weight loss, but the missing factor in everyone’s understanding of self-discipline is that people who have never had self-discipline have to learn it somehow. It’s not simply “the frontal part of the brain region that fat people have never tapped into.” It is a learned trait… and that learning has to start somewhere that doesn’t include “going cold turkey.”

The article goes on from here:

A 2007 study by researchers at Wake Forest University suggested that even a minor self-compassion intervention could influence eating habits. As part of the study, 84 female college students were asked to take part in what they thought was a food-tasting experiment. At the beginning of the study, the women were asked to eat doughnuts.One group, however, was given a lesson in self-compassion with the food. “I hope you won’t be hard on yourself,” the instructor said. “Everyone in the study eats this stuff, so I don’t think there’s any reason to feel real bad about it.”

Later the women were asked to taste-test candies from large bowls. The researchers found that women who were regular dieters or had guilt feelings about forbidden foods ate less after hearing the instructor’s reassurance. Those not given that message ate more.

The hypothesis is that the women who felt bad about the doughnuts ended up engaging in “emotional” eating. The women who gave themselves permission to enjoy the sweets didn’t overeat. [source]

This is why I don’t believe in “cheating.” If I’m changing my lifestyle, what “good” does it do to create a lifestyle for myself where I have to “cheat” myself (because that’s the only person being cheated, here) in order to be successful? That’s a fail. Period.

I will admit, though, that I think there’s something missing from this entire conversation: people feel an inability to exercise restraint with food because, more often than not, they’re dealing with processed foods that alter their ability to “eat just one.” The fact that I couldn’t control myself when it came to certain foods was something that’d cause me to beat myself up a little bit, too. I can admit that.

See? That’s an example of self-compassion. My admitting that I wouldn’t have been able to control myself or lose my weight if I were still around processed foods? That’s me being compassionate to myself, being sympathetic to my shortcomings… instead of acting like my shortcomings don’t have to be acknowledged because some mystical mental power should exist to save me (and then calling myself an idiot, a loser and a failure for not being able to tap into it.)

I really want to read up on this and come back to it, but I’m especially interested in what everyone has to say about this study. How compassionate are you to yourself? Do you beat yourself up over food woes or missing your workout? Let’s talk!

Self-Compassion: A Key Factor In Weight Loss is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. “Weight Loss Is For People With Low Self-Esteem”
2. A Very Big Piece of My Weight Loss Story
3. Making Foolproof Weight Loss Resolutions For The New Year

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dieting, emotional eating, lifestyle change, mentality, self-compassion, weight loss

How easy would it be for YOU to say no?

I’m always intrigued by people who presume that my weight loss is attributed solely to will power… or that the [at least] two thirds of Americans simply… lack will power, and that’s why they’re overweight. There’s this all-or-nothingness that hangs over the concept.

No, really – you just need to tell yourself “No,” and then you’ll be better able to handle your diet.

Think about that: the only reason why two thirds of Americans are overweight is the fact that they don’t have this uncanny ability to say “No” that the other third of Americans appear to have. How silly does that sound? If anything, with looking at those numbers, you’d think actually having will power is the anomaly… right? Or does it just make more sense to keep minimizing how difficult it is to lose weight and mock people for not being able to do it?

I think of my own personal experiences with food, and I’ve got to tell you…the first, at least, 100lbs that I lost had nothing to do with having will power. It wasn’t about some ability to “just say no.” It wasn’t even about portion control at first. It certainly wasn’t about some silly diet. It was 100% about what I was purchasing at the grocery. It was about what I allowed myself to have around me. Period.

And some might say, “Well, that’s about self-discipline, isn’t it?” I’d have to say yes, but then again it’s easy to realize what you need to purchase, and go to the grocery to act on that list and make the appropriate purchases. You go in with a plan and you come out a winner. It is another thing entirely when hunger attacks, and you have to fight the urge to get up and leave the house for fast food.

And again, you might say, “well surely that part is about self-discipline, yes?” Again, I’d have to say yes.  If you’re experiencing hunger pangs, you absolutely do have to fight against yourself to make the better, safer, healthier decision. You do have to fight and tell yourself “no, don’t get in that car!” You do have to tell yourself, once you’re already in the car, “Nooooooooo, don’t hit that drive thru!” and let’s face it: If you’re already in the drive-thru, you might’ve already lost the war.

But if so much about weight loss is will power… where is the myth?

The myth is that will power is the key. It’s not. If you’re not used to telling yourself no… where are you going to develop that herculean strength? If you’re not used to turning down treats and ignoring cravings, where and how do you start? How can we ensure success? You learn self-discipline… you don’t just all-of-a-sudden find this giant mass of it within you. It’s a growth process. That stupid “all or nothing” mentality doesn’t apply.

If I’m in a household full of processed foods – foods studied, tested and engineered for “maximum flavor intensity” and “you-can’t-eat-just-one-ability” and “oh-my-gosh-this-is-so-good-I-can’t-stop-eating-ity” – it’s supposed to make sense that I can easily say no? That’s why I believe the first step starts at the grocery store. That’s where I first developed my ability to say “No.” That’s where I first realized that I needed to be able to use the two feet I was born with, and walk away from certain aisles… and each time I was successful, I felt a little freer. Just a little… but a little was enough.

Before long, I was learning about food and improving my ability to say no, simply because I was realizing what was in everything. It certainly wasn’t food, and I wanted to develop a better relationship with food – not chemicals – so I spent a fair amount of time casting the chemicals out. I’m still developing my relationship with food – I don’t know that this is a process with a finite ending to it – but I can tell you one thing: I’m intuitive enough that I can dine outside of my home and, within two bites, turn down a dish that I think isn’t homemade or is simply poorly made. I’m not going to be hoodwinked into redeveloping bad habits because someone used chemicals in their food. I’ll pass.

If a company spends $30 million on studies for creating the “perfect spaghetti sauce,” and spends years on taste testing for the perfect balance… then guess what – they’re investing all of that money and doing all of that taste testing to find out which sauce will please the majority of the public. (Note: This will almost always be a sauce full of sugar and salt. The sugar makes it pleasing on the tongue and in the brain. The salt makes you want to use more of it.) It makes sense, then, that the majority of the public would be able to say no to the sauce? I’m confused.

The myth of will power is simply that we give it far too much credit. Self-discipline, in my mind, can only be achieved when the playing field is leveled – that means, no chemical interference – and if you never take those steps to make that happen, you are going to struggle. Does that mean that it’s smooth sailing after that? Of course not. There are lots of bumps in the road but for me, the real progress in developing my self-discipline began there.

What about you? What struggles do you face with developing self-discipline? How did you develop yours? Let’s hear it!

The Myth of Will Power is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. The Power of A Twenty Dollar Bill
2. Is The Idea of Motivation Merely A Myth?
3. The Myth of The Food Desert: Where The Root Went Wrong

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 17 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: chemicals, clean eating, Healthy Eating, mentality, myths, overeating, processed foods, self-discipline, society, struggles, will power

Pilar Sanders, my fit inspiration!

I’ve written about motivation before. I know I have. I’ve written about being “motivated” into shrinking down to fit into a dress. I’ve written about experiences that have compelled me to get my act together – I know I have – but I can’t help but wonder.

Merriam-Webster defines motivation as:

Main Entry: mo·ti·va·tion

Pronunciation: \ˌmō-tə-ˈvā-shən\

Function: noun

Date: 1873

1 a : the act or process of motivating b : the condition of being motivated
2 : a motivating force, stimulus, or influence : incentive, drive

“A positive, motivating force within your life,” right? I guess.

I’m not going to sugar coat this at all. The idea of being “motivated” into some giant whirlwind of fitness… does not work for everyone. Some women are raised in such a vacuum of “focus on being skinny!!!!111!1″ that they fall into fitness. Some women are truly raised in such a healthy environment, that proper nutrition and fitness is all they know… and they trust their upbringing enough to not stray too far away from that. Some women can identify that one catalyst in their lives that makes them say “Enough is enough!” and get down to business.

And then… there are women like me. Overweight for all of their adult lives, had all the health risks and reasons to compel me to do what I needed to get on top of my health, and just… couldn’t do it. I don’t know if it was a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, laziness or flat out “I’m-too-fine-to-focus-on-losing-this-booty”ness… but whatever it was, it wasn’t compelling me to make any changes.

It wasn’t until I had a very heartfelt conversation with the owner of the gym I eventually joined – a conversation about me – that I realized I had every reason in the world to compel me to lose weight and live my healthiest life.

I think about every lull I’ve experienced in my own journey. That point where you slow down and start getting bored, start feeling blah, whatever it may be. “I’m waiting for my muuuuuuuse….. I need to be inspiiiired…. I need motivaaationnn….” as I ate some stuff I had no business eating. I was looking for something outside of myself to solve a problem that could only be solved by looking inside of myself. I wanted something other than me to have the responsibility of compelling me to do what I needed to do for me.

That’s stupid.

I wanted something to inspire me. Something other than me to tell me what I needed to do for me. I didn’t want the responsibility of telling myself to just pick my behind up off the couch and go, for some reason, as if that would’ve been too much ownership of the situation. I needed to wait on my epiphany. I needed to wait. And while waiting, I was doing nothing. Wasting time. Doing what I knew I shouldn’t be doing… while I waited on the thing that would come tell me to do what I knew I should be doing.

Doesn’t that sound silly?

At the point where I knew I needed to eat better, knew I needed to get in my daily activity… waiting for something to compel me to do right by myself is foolish. If you know you need to do it, no matter how thin or overweight you may be, why shortchange yourself? It’s almost like giving yourself an intentional break with the excuse of waiting on inspiration to behave properly.

I have inspirations. My pole intructor? She’s my inspiration to be stronger. Giada DeLaurentis (of Food Network fame) is my food inspiration. Seriously… that woman cooks her behind off and manages to keep her shape. Deion Sanders’ wife, Pilar? She’s my fit inspiration. Her body is incredible, and she’s had like 40 kids. (More like 3, but good grief. Same difference.) No one can make me get up but me.

No person or thing is more compelling than my health. Nothing – no strength, food or figure – is more important than ensuring that I’m around for as long as possible. I put myself first like that. I am my motivation. I own it.

It’s like a change in language is in order. Something else shouldn’t make you act right. YOU make you act right. Those types of women that I mentioned before? Those women were inspired. An outside source inspires you. Preservation of one’s body and one’s health is the motivation. Always. To me, that’s the most important source of motivation – the most compelling reason to live healthily – that there is.

What do you think? Am I off base here? Is there a difference between motivation and inspiration? Is it just word play and semantics? Let’s hear it!

Is The Idea of Motivation Merely A Myth? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

Related posts:

1. “Motivation As We Know It Isn’t Motivation At All”
2. The Myth of Will Power
3. Dying For Motivation: An Open Thread

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Post tags: Inspiration, motivation

High heels.

A pole.

…and me.

One of the things that I quickly noticed as I was losing weight, was the amount of activities that I wasn’t able to actively participate in because of my size or lack of muscle to sustain myself. I’ve written about my inability to lift myself out of a car without grabbing onto both the hood of the car and the top of the car door. I couldn’t get up from a seat without bracing myself. If I dangled from a cliff, I wouldn’t have the upper body strength to keep myself from plunging to my death.

I mean, okay… so the last one was in a dream, but shoot – I could hit a rock climbing wall! It could happen. I’m just sayin’.

Thanks to things like weight training/weight lifting, I’ve been able to fix that. I have the core strength (your core includes abdominal, back and pelvic muscles) needed to withstand most of what I throw at my body. I have the leg strength I need to get through a lot of my daily activity. My upper arm strength might not have me scaling a rock climbing wall in under 10 minutes, but I’m getting there.

At least… I thought I was.

This past Saturday, I decided to attend a pole dancing class. That’s right. Pole dancing. Conservative thoughts aside (for now), I have to admit that this class not only wore me out, but left me sweating and miserable… miserable in that “I got my behind kicked so hard that I don’t have the energy to be happy about it” kind of sense.

I know there’s someone who wants to know what on Earth compelled me to take pole fitness (the correct term), of all things.

A couple of weeks back, I got to visit one of those “Girls’ Night Out” parties that included all kinds of non-fitness related conversation… although I’m sure that if you engaged in the topic enough, you could burn a few calories. Just sayin’. The last portion of the party consisted of all of the girls watching a pole fitness routine – yes, on a nice big silver pole – and learning a trick or two of our own. As someone who’d never even touched a pole before, I was probably more excited than I should’ve, and instead of hogging all the time to myself I decided to sign up for the classes.

Yes, that's my instructor up there showin' off!

My class, hosted by Angela of Enticement Unlimited (Indianapolis), was actually pretty awesome. All I needed was my shorts and my pumps. (Those pink heels above were not mine. I was trying to get in my workout… not fall to my death.) We started out with a warm up that consisted of some pretty serious aerobic activity that had me sweating not even five minutes in. Lots of relaxing stretches to help me calm down and settle into what was about to be demanded of my body.

Did I learn how to spin on a pole? Yes. Did I learn how to do any tricks? I sure did. Did I love it? My gosh, you have no idea. I mean, you’re in a room full of women who want to get in some activity, maybe learn a few tricks to take home to “The Boo” or merely are interested in having a good time. Neither weight loss nor “OMG what will she think if she sees me doing this move too well? She’s gon’ think I’m a ho!” was on anyone’s mind in that room. It was a place of Black girls of all sizes getting it in and having fun laughing at our successes and failures on the pole.

The instructor was awesome. She paid attention to our slip ups and seemed actively interested in helping each of us execute the moves properly. I know some people complain about unattentive instructors or not having enough time to learn their routines… I’d say those were bad classes. I left my class not only excited to attend again, but really looking forward to becoming a better pole-er.

I’m sure there’s someone reading this with their face turned upside down about how slutty this is, or how this isn’t fitness. I can assure you – as someone who lifts weights twice a day, practices yoga everyday and runs every single day – you are wrong about both. Today is Tuesday – my class was Saturday and I am still sore. The amount of upper arm strength it requires to lift and hold yourself up in the air, the amount of thigh strength it takes to execute the following:

Tell me those boots aren't awesome. You'd be lying.

…and the amount of core (again: ab, pelvic and back) muscles needed to hold yourself up in the above position with no hands? Please. This is an aerobic workout of the highest degree. And the thighs that you develop from all that? That’s what I’m really looking forward to, here.

Yes, that is me... scared to death!

But it’s sexy… it’s unheard of… it sets back the movement… I don’t want to be objectified. So what if it’s sexy? Even the most conservative of us know that there is a time and a place for sensuality and sexuality… so where do you learn to tap into your sensual side? What would the harm be in taking a move or two (or a pole, for that matter) home to “The Boo” to appreciate? Like I’ve said before, I find it hard to believe society has a sensible understanding of appropriateness in sensuality and sexuality – a woman can’t enjoy something sensual or sexual without being some kind of slut or whore – and I’m not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs while they figure it out. I’ll be getting my workout on.. probably on a pole.

I’m just not willing to let something silly like stereotypes or pre-conceived notions or pettiness get in the way of my getting fit and finding an enjoyable way to do it. For crying out loud, had I let “society” get in my way earlier in the game, I’d still be 300+ lbs. I’m good on my own.

So, I say to anyone (who can shed a little insecurity and ignore misconceptions about pole fitness) who is looking for a unique and fun way to get in some activity, do a little digging. Find a good pole fitness class in your area and check it out. And don’t be afraid to enjoy it. I know I’ll be going back… I might even try to get on this girl’s level:

Trust me. I’m on it.

High Heels, A Pole… and Me? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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2. Pole Dance For Jesus? Don’t Mind If I Do!
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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 40 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: aerobics, pole dancing, pole fitness, society, stereotypes

I never verbally stated how much I needed to lose, I’d only say that I needed to lose weight. I never publicly addressed my weight. Not like it was “anyone’s business” anyway but in public conversations about health, I kept a very quiet seat. I don’t know if it was because I had nothing intelligent to add to the conversation (as I was, admittedly, clueless about my health) or if it was because I didn’t want to be caught dead participating in a conversation about health and weight loss. Actually, I do know. I was embarrassed.

The one person I would always take my weight loss issues to… well, let’s just say she had a habit of mocking my thighs, calling them “elephant legs.” This only resulted in me hiding up in my corner – not wanting to burden my closest loved ones with my whining about my weight, not wanting to let anyone know that I publicly acknowledge and admit this weakness I have. This…. problem… that I can’t quite wrap my brain around.

I’m still not sure if I was “faking it ’til I learned how to make it,” to be honest. I know that I wrote about this before, but I disassociated myself from the notion that I needed to value myself based on my outer appearance because I was doing so many amazing (tooting my own horn, thank you very much) things in my community. It allowed me to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-worth without letting one of those 386,170 unhelpful things get in the way of me developing a healthy understanding of who I am and what I could contribute to my world.

Think about that, though – American society, apparently, hits us with 386,170 messages in one year that being overweight means you have a problem. You are the problem.

Just look at this:

I chose a typical day – I went to the grocery store, I was on the internet for business and for personal surfing, I drove for a couple of hours with the radio on.  I was on Facebook and Livejournal.  I don’t watch regular TV (with commercials) so there is none of that.  I purposefully didn’t go to any websites that were specifically about weight or weight loss, any comments that I read were attached to news stories that had nothing to do with weight or weight loss (for example, unprovoked what I can only call  fat bashing abounded on articles about healthcare legislation that had nothing to do with weight).  I only included examples that stated things outright (so I did not include, for example, magazines with page after page of thin models, even though I think that sends a  pretty strong message that thin is the only body type that is beautiful). Examples are only counted in one category.

• Messages stating that it is impossible to be healthy at my weight:  217

• Messages stating that my weight makes me unattractive:  123

• Messages stating that I am lazy and don’t exercise/don’t exercise enough, lack will power, or am not “in control”:  311

• Messages stating that I need to reach a specific BMI to be healthy:  36

• Messages stating that I am a drain on the health care system:  116

• Messages stating that I have poor eating habits:  84

• Messages suggesting that I should be “repulsed by my weight” [used those words specifically]: 19

• Messages calling me a derisive name:  152

• Messages saying something positive about people with large bodies:  3

• Messages that specifically shouted down those 3 positive comments: 231 (these are included in the categories above so they are not added into the total below)

Let’s review:

• Total messages about my body:  1061

• Total negative messages:  1058

• Total positive messages:  3

• About 353 negative message for each positive message.

If we extrapolate, I have been receiving:

• 7406 negative messages about my body each week

• 31,740 negative messages about my body each  month

• 386,170 negative messages about my body each year

[source]

Is it hard to fathom that someone like me, arguably almost 200lbs overweight, would intentionally avoid participating in conversations about health – not my health, but health in general – because I know that most of society looks at me through a fatophobic lens? Do I feel like they’d devalue my opinion, since I “obviously don’t know much?” Don’t they know how unhelpful this is, or do my feelings not matter because I don’t matter?

But see.. I have questions, in hindsight, about my perspective and how it affected me, too. I think about all the events and opportunities I passed up during my college years – things that might’ve helped me learn or be healthier – because I was afraid of being caught dead in the area. (Keeping it 100% real, I hated being seen in the gym, too.) “Oh yeah, I saw Erika at the Health Expo, with her fat ass.” I mean yeah, that’s young-minded for me to make decisions based off of that, but it’s equally young-minded to be adult women who make statements like that about others. So, I’m sayin’. We’re all reduced to gossipy self-conscious teenagers at one point in time or another if we allow ourselves to play this game.

I guess what I’m getting at is, I know that I was someone who was conscious of those messages that told me I’m “less than” because I’m not a swimsuit model. I wanted answers, but I was too embarrassed to do any asking. It felt like asking was a public admission that I am that person that those 386,170 things were about. Mind you, I am now someone who places a different value on society’s “messages,” but that’s because I have answers, now. Having those answers empowered me to think differently, and having a positive environment devoid of judgmental and negative messages allowed me to learn.

So, again, all I have at this point are questions. If we’re receiving all of these negative messages about our bodies, do people hide from or ignore their health as a means of “wearing a shield?” Do we contribute to a hostile environment (on either end) where we can’t have beneficial conversations about health with all these negative messages? And if you’re like me, are/were you embarrassed by being publicly concerned about your health? Do you think that your desire to “not be caught dead” at the gym/talking about self-care prevents you from advancing?

Admitting The Desire To Lose Weight: Does It Affect Self-Esteem? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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1. “Weight Loss Is For People With Low Self-Esteem”
2. 5 Reasons Why You Won’t Lose Weight
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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 9 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: fatophobia, negative messages, society

I kind of had to develop a split personality, and beat myself at my own game. It sounds like I need psychiatric help, but it’s true in a sense. I needed to identify my own excuses, and start shattering them along the way so that I could begin to see my healthier self. I had to acknowledge, personally, that I was afraid to venture out into the world of working out because I was afraid to face the struggle that comes with it. I won’t lie.. I was also afraid to disappoint myself those weeks when the scale doesn’t move. To avoid the disappointment, I simply wouldn’t bother.

How awful does that sound?

I know not every woman will be able to identify with that, but I know some will. And even if that doesn’t define you, it may define someone you know. It’s important for you to understand this kind of mentality – not saying that it will always apply, but the self-defeating attitude that so many of us carry when it comes to weight loss and overall personal health? The difficulty of incorporating a routine in our lives that we might’ve never saw growing up? We might not’ve ever saw our friends partake? I had ONE friend in all my four years of college that worked out. It felt silly… why it might’ve felt silly? That’s a topic for another post, if you ask me.

Having realized my self-defeating attitude, I had to start slaughtering my excuses as they came. Can’t go to the gym? Fine. I’ll do a p90x workout, or other work out at home. I don’t have to “get dressed.” I don’t have to “look-presentable-even-though-I’m-going-somewhere-to-go-get-sweaty.” I don’t have to waste time in the commute. I can get just as good of a workout in the comfort of my own home.

That’s the purpose behind this series. I’m hoping to post videos from the web that showcase awesome techniques for working out at home without a single machine, barbell, or bendy band thingy. I don’t have them, and I do pretty well. Besides, this is a recession and jobs are here today, gone tomorrow, unfortunately. We want to focus on the ability to be healthy without having to purchase something.

In short, the Home Workout Routine is the excuse killer. If you make it as easy as possible for you to jump into, there’s nothing stopping you from doing so! Enjoy the series!

The Importance of Building A Home Workout Routine is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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3. Building a Home Workout Routine: Trunk Rotations

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: exercises, fat loss, mentality, workout at home, workout routine, workout tips

And while my problem was easy to spot (big difference from “simple to solve,” though), many are not. Many of our issues are far more complex and ignoring them or wishing them away won’t change the effects those problems have on our day to day lives. If I, as a sexual assault victim, were to simply ignore the fears or nightmares or issues that my attack left me with… then ignoring the attack or “wishing” to go on with my life as if it never happened would not change the fact that I still have fears of men, nightmares of being assaulted again or issues with intimacy. You cannot ignore life-changing events.

The bottom line, here, is that I’m left with questions that I am wholly unable to answer. It was by sheer luck that that therapist friend happened to be there and happened to be willing to listen to me pour out my problems (for free! and y’all know I love free!) and give me what I need. I’m clueless as to how to choose a therapist, but considering how awesome my readership is, I know y’all can help.

What tips do you have for how to choose a therapist? What stories do you have for success with your therapist? Do you have any horror stories that you learned a valuable lesson from in how to choose a therapist? Please share with the class.

And if any of you have a therapist in New York City that specializes in eating disorders in African-American women, do be so kind to e-mail me that info at erika@blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com.

Open Thread: Do You Have Tips On How To Choose And Find A Therapist? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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Post tags:

Interesting. I’m dealing with this motivation issue. With all the information, with all the tools one would neeed, fitness plans and workout clothing. Yet and still me sedentary days and bad meal days outweigh the good ones. I don’t mind exercising. I hate eating right. Its bland, its boring, its of no feel good value. Its like going off of drugs I’d assume. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever tried and the one thing I keep failing to accomplish. And since exercise is 20%, if my diet is a wreck what’s the point.

I clicked on this hoping to be, inspired. I wasn’t. Read more of the same. Its in you. You have to do it. Your health, better you. And I’m still not motivated or driven to do better.

I’ve got to be honest. I don’t believe in “motivation.” I think it’s a myth… foolishness. I think it’s something created by people who profit off of selling me that “motivation.” The idea that someone could create a mythical emotional entity between my brain and my brain’s ability to make me move… is probably the most profitable thing I’ve ever seen in my damn life.

I don’t need to be motivated to pay my electricity bill, because I know what happens when I don’t pay my electricity bill.

I don’t need to be motivated to brush my teeth, because I know what happens when I don’t brush my teeth.

I don’t need to be motivated to walk my dogs each day, because I know – unfortunately, all too well – what happens when I don’t walk my dogs.

And now, I don’t need to be motivated to eat like I have some sense, because I know – again, all too well – what happens when I don’t eat like I have some sense.

Why do I need to be motivated to make appropriate decisions each day when it comes to what I put in my mouth? Why do I need to be motivated to take care of myself? Why do I need some external source of compulsion to make me do, for myself, what NO EXTERNAL SOURCE can make me do? I’m a grown woman – at this point, not even my Mommy (who I know is reading this right now) can make me do something I don’t want to do.

What is this motivation that people keep talking about? What happens if you never receive motivation? What happens if, in fact, that “thing” that you’re looking for never comes? Back when I used to host weekly chats on the FB page about different shows, people swore up and down that those shows “motivated” them, compelled them to do the work. What happens when the season is over and the show is gone?

In all seriousness, I actually fear ever having an external source of “motivation.” What happens when that thing that makes you go… goes away? All the women I know who were losing weight trying to get a man, and once they got that man… the motivation was gone, as was the drive to lose weight/keep it off.

I’m sorry, but it feels like people just overthink it. It’s not a matter of sitting down and contemplating putting on your kicks and heading out the door. It’s a matter of putting on your kicks and heading out the door. The minute I sit down to think about it? I’ve already lost. Why? I’ve already sat down… the “thinking” part is just me giving myself an opportunity to talk myself out of it. It’s not a matter of needing to be “motivated.” I don’t need a reason to take care of myself. I just get up and go.

I mean, the comment mocks the idea of “it’s in you,” but it’s not whether or not it’s “in you.” You just feel like you have more reasons to eat poorly, and less reasons to eat sensibly. For you, it’s more valuable to eat whatever you want than it is to pursue flavors and tastes and foods that are enjoyable. I don’t know what that “it” is that is, apparently, in me… but what I do know is that once I had my “come to fitness” moment, I made a conscious decision to leave my emotional eating behind and figure out a way to enjoy the foods I had relegated myself to… and even though that mental transformation didn’t happen overnight, every day that I made an active decision to not give in, was a day that I got a little bit better at it. It was a day that I got closer. Progress matters.

So, consider this an open thread. Someone – anyone – please… help me figure this motivation thing out. Where did it come from? And, for goodness sake, how can we make it go away?

Dying For Motivation: An Open Thread is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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2. Open Thread: Do You Have Tips On How To Choose And Find A Therapist?
3. Open Thread: View and Discuss The Super Bowl Pepsi Max Commercial

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 32 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Inspiration, motivation

I think people who really have your best intentions at heart are allowed to express their concerns to you about becoming healthier; however, there is a thing called tact! – Chanel

i’d rather not have anyone call me fat except for me. I decide when I need to hit the gym and i decide when and if i am happy with how I look. – Elledub

Honestly, though I may dislike hearing it, I think my family and friends should be allowed to call me fat. I’ll tell you why. As I’ve stated before (maybe not here, but on my blog or Twitter), I didn’t really notice the weight gain. I knew it was creeping up, but I still looked (in my mind) pretty good. When people started making comments, inclusive of a student that had absolutely NO tact whatsoever, I took stock in what they were saying and decided that I needed to do something about it. – Tracy

Honestly, anyone who loves me had better tell me if I’m picking up weight. – Winnie

I wish to God one of my friends or family members had had the courage to tell me I needed to do something about my weight a few years ago. [...] Now that most of the excess weight is gone, everyone is all “OMG, you look great”, but I can’t help but to wish someone had remarked on my weight before. But that’s easy to say on the other side of the fence… – Sister Toldja

I think that “other side of the fence” is a big part of this. As I wrote about the conversation between my Mother and my sister, it’s hard for me to think about what my response would’ve been to someone telling me I was gaining too much weight. I mean, I was a snappy chick… quick to rain jokes down upon the head of anyone who was willing to step to me about my weight. I could only imagine what kind of torrential terrible twenties tantrum fit I might’ve thrown had someone told me that I was any less sexy, dope, amazingly gorgeous, downright stunning and perfect than I believed I was in my own head.

And that’s not to say that being overweight means that I couldn’t be sexy, dope, amazingly gorgeous, downright stunning and perfect. It means that since I saw “fat” as a flaw (and let’s face it, most of us do), having someone remind me of a flaw I was diligently ignoring felt like the chink in my armor turning into a hole. And that’s, well… unacceptable.

I think of the countless times my girls tried to get me to hit the gym with them. My best friend, an avid runner, actually offered to walk with me one day. (Do you know how hard it is to get a runner to slow down for your slow behind?) My mother made side salads for dinner, while making sure that the more calorie-heavy parts of the meal were “all gone” by the time I’d go to fix my plate. Apparently, everyone had something to say… but no one was saying it. Meanwhile, I was gaining weight at a rate of about 20lbs a year.

Am I making that gain everyone else’s fault? Nope. It’s my body, my responsibility to learn how to care for it, and care for it properly. However, what kind of climate was I creating where the people around me couldn’t even tell me – in love and in kindness – that something was going on with me? Couldn’t express their concern for me?

Frankly, I ain’t the one. I can’t afford to be the one.

Let’s say that you and your girls are getting ready to hit a major event. Before you all walk out the door, you check each other out to make sure you’re all looking good. Isn’t the expectation that one of them will tell you if you’re the one looking a mess? We expect our friends to tell us if we’re looking a fool before we walk out of our houses, but they can’t tell us we’ve put on too much weight?

Is it the fact that we, as women, tend to be so objectified – everything has to do with sexuality and sexual appeal – that we’ve equated “you’re gaining weight” with “you’re unattractive?” Are we so used to everything being about attraction, that being told we’re packin’ on the pounds must also be about being attractive (or, in this case, less than attractive?) It couldn’t simply be a “Hey… check on your health.” type situation? It has to be about “cute?”

Or is it the fact that everyone’s threshold is different? Southerners have a different definition of “putting on weight” than Northerners. Miami’s definition is different from Houston. Mississippi wouldn’t understand California. An extra ten pounds vs an extra hundred or so. For someone to acknowledge that I’ve put on the pounds, when “put on the pounds” means “ten pounds” to them? I won’t even lie. They just might get the finger.

I think about myself now. I get at least one comment/email/tweet/anonymous whatever a week calling me a “fat bitch.” I usually laugh, but every now and again I raise my eyebrow and wonder… “Once upon a time, I couldn’t get people I love to tell me I was too big. Now, I’ve got strangers telling me I’m fat? What part of the game is that?” 330lb Erika might not’ve had that reaction. 180lb Erika, however… is tickled.

It goes back to that “other side of the fence” note I made earlier. Looking at the person I am today, I can acknowledge that this is the person I needed to be to get to where I am. Allowing the people I love to feel comfortable addressing my flaws might’ve helped me become this person much earlier on in my life. If I keep them close to me because I trust their influence to make me “better,” why exclude health? Why exclude weight? If the people who love me want to offer me solutions, why not be open to them? What do I have to lose?

And let me clarify.. I’m talking about people who love you. The ones invested in you as a person. The ones who are there for you at your worst. They deserve to be able to help make you better, and enjoy you at your best. We can talk about “haters,” but I fully believe they’re not worth talking about. Nor are they worth thinking about. People who mean you no positivity aren’t worth time or brainspace.

No, really. I mean that. So those family members who insist on spitefully bringing up your weight – the ones you know mean you no earthly good, and usually never have any support to offer you beyond “Yo booty gettin’ kinda big” – you can give them a polite “I’ll take that under consideration,” and change the subject… while mentally giving them the finger.

My plea is just that we not shut out the people who we trust to see the worst of us. Don’t prevent them from helping to develop the best in you: the healthy you! I’m talkin’ about those people who – like my friends (who, I’ll have you know, are still my tried and true friends fat or skinny) – are willing to walk through the fire with you, support you and offer you solutions to help you get to where you want to go. Where you need to go.

This journey isn’t one that we can go on alone. You will always need a support system that will giggle with you at your failures, cheer you on through your successes, and help you learn from both. You trust them to have your back, so trust them to tell you about something you might be overlooking… like your weight. If you love them and they love you (and you know it), give them a chance. They very well may have the answers, resources and support you need.

Be happy, but most importantly… be healthy.

Who Should I Allow To Call Me Fat? is a post from: A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss. Thanks for reading!

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© Erika for A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blackness, fat, mentality, social eating, stigmas