So.. Where Am I Now?

So.. Where Am I Now?

All this writing about calories and challenges… that was almost three weeks straight of posting every day. And nothing about me, huh?

Taken: February 26th, 2009

I like writing about the things I’ve learned and struggled with along my way. The things that I’ve used this site to reinforce for myself, the things I’ve used this site to remind myself of along the way and the things I’ve used this site to rant about. This site has served as my backbone in a way, because I’ve certainly had to remind myself of a few things in my own moment of weakness.

But without writing about myself… I suppose I’d be doing the very thing that I’ve always claimed is so harmful, and that’s pushing myself to the back burner instead of keeping myself and my own betterment in the forefront. So.. let’s talk about me, where I’ve been and where I’m going.

My tummy trying to tighten back up!

Mentally, I had began to settle a little too much into the idea that I was happy with where I’d gone with my figure. I’d gotten so close to my goals, perhaps I’d felt like I was going to just slide right on through. It didn’t help that so many people were so surprised with all the weight I’d lost, that I kept getting the compliments. It starts to seep in, so to speak. I was dangerously close to believing my own hype. If you know that you have so far to go, give yourself credit for your journey thus far but you shouldn’t be impressed with yourself until you get there.

Then.. I decided that maybe… juuuuuuuust maybe… I’d want to compete in a figure competition. For no other reason than to be “The Formerly 330lb Girl Who Now Can Compete In A Figure Competition.” It was the awakening and goal shift that I’d needed.

So… I’ve spent the past few months shifting my energy toward muscle building. I need my skin to conform to an actual figure once it finally does what it’s supposed to do. I’ve spent time trying to step my game up in the cardio level, because my last major challenge is defeating this fear I’ve had of getting my heart rate too high. An awful experience with a prescription medication left me with a fearful response to my heart rate creeping a little too high. Learning how my heart behaves and training it to endure a little more will help me be a better marathon runner. I’m embracing that challenge head on.

My goals have shifted, and though I am happy with what I have now and am thankful, I look forward to the challenges that my new goals present. What’s more, is that I am thankful that I have this site and posts like this to remind me to always take steps to reclaim my humility – to never get so high off your own hype that you forget how hard you worked and how much harder you will have to work to get there. To act with my goals ever present in my mind, and formulate each step so that it always brings me closer to where I’m going. Not just walking to watch myself… though I do look good walking. (#justsayin’)

We all have different goals, no doubt, but I think that’s an important point: to not get so high off of our own hype, or so comfortable that we fail to realize how hard we need to work to achieve our goals. So no matter how crazysexycool we may think we are now, we have realistic goals worth our realistic effort. What are your goals? Just a little belly pouch? More toned thighs? Let’s hear ’em!

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By | 2017-06-10T11:27:19+00:00 December 12th, 2013|My Journey|92 Comments

About the Author:

The proud leader of the #bgg2wlarmy, Erika Nicole Kendall writes food and fitness, body image and beauty, and more here at #bgg2wl. After losing over 150lbs, Kendall became a personal trainer certified in fitness nutrition, women's fitness, and weight loss by the National Academy of Sports Medicine. She is also certified in sports nutrition by Precision Nutrition. She now lives in New York with her husband and children, and is working on her 6th and 7th certifications because she likes having alphabet soup at the end of her name.


  1. ChellBellz May 10, 2010 at 9:45 AM - Reply

    looking good miss.

  2. Benee May 10, 2010 at 9:56 AM - Reply

    First of all. WOW!! FABO!!!

    You’ve done SO well for yourself, it is no wonder you’ve started to believe your own hype. You should!! Major props and kudos to you for doing as well as you have and being an inspiration to others.

    My goals include:
    Being able to run 5 miles straight without stopping. Right now, I can barely run half a mile, but I’m working on it.

    Being a size 14/16 on the bottom. I’m a 24 right now (18 up top). I was a 32.

    Becoming totally meatless. I’ve done it before, for a year, but I ended up being all abuot starches. I want to be meatless and veggiemore 🙂

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 10:10 AM - Reply

      First and foremost, NICE WORK on that 24! 8 sizes down is quite the feat. Stay focused and you’ll get it!

      I’m with you on that mile. That’s my struggle for real. There are lots of programs that can help you out with that – I’ll post some soon because there are far too many to count, and I’d like to provide more of a range of info for ya.

      That’s how I did it too when I first went vegetarian… I think that was my downfall. If you don’t do it right, you mess yourself ALL up. No bueno!

      Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  3. Dr. Renee May 10, 2010 at 10:18 AM - Reply

    You are such an inspiration!!! Please keep up the GREAT WORK!!

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 8:24 PM - Reply

      Aww, why thank ya doc! 🙂

  4. Laura May 10, 2010 at 11:11 AM - Reply

    When I grow up, I wanna look just like you, lol! But seriously, WOW, I am so inspired!!! My biggest issue is consistency with food and exercise. I’m a stay-at-home mother of 4 with virtually no time to myself. I am STRUGGLING to get off these 30-35lbs that I’ve been wanting to get off since the last one was born (9/3/09). I’m like Benee, every time I go meatless, the carb intake goes up…hopefully though, something will “click”, and I’ll begin losing.

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 11:59 AM - Reply

      Laura, I can understand the limitations! I don’t have four, but my one plus school and being self-employed had me struggling, too. Maybe I should do a post or two on how to get closer to meatless? Maybe that’ll help.

      How often do you take the little ones on walks? I take mine and the puppy to the playground, and I just slowly pace the playground or run in place (it might look weird, but preserving the sexy is vital, LOL) keeping an eye on the kids. The goal is to stay active and help relieve stress. Because of the little ones, you might need the stress element more than most, LOL!

      Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  5. Jessica May 10, 2010 at 11:34 AM - Reply

    My goal is to STAY CONSISTENT!!! I tend to work out in spurts….usually because a vacation is on the horizon, which results in this cyclical start/stop thing I have going. Since the end of March I’ve made a resolve to exercise consistently at least 4x a week and to have Saturday’s as my “free eat” days. I’d love to loose a few inches here and there and to tone up, but I’ve learned that setting a specific weight for myself just allows me to slack off once I’ve met that goal, so I don’t have a goal weight. I love this site and the advice and tips offered by you and other users! 🙂

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 12:03 PM - Reply


      The key to consistency – to me – is paying attention to what happens to you when you fall off, and deciding that those consequences are far too much to bear. When I skip cardio, I see it on the scale IMMEDIATELY. When I slack on my workouts, the guilt I feel is tremendous. It’s to the point where I have an angel on my shoulder with a darn BLOWHORN in my ear. Once you get to that point, you won’t slip up anymore.

      And dang it, I am SO AGAINST “FREE DAYS!” Stop doin’ it to yourself! LOL!

      Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad the site helps… even if you do insist on doing that “free day” stuff! 🙂

      • irene August 11, 2011 at 8:09 PM - Reply

        i am a 26 year old female 4’11 in height and weigh 285 pounds. i already know i am very overweight. i am a manager at mcdonald’s. and please dont judge me. lol! and i receive all my meals free while i am working. ii have been trying to eat better but what can i do when i get so tempted by the smell of fries and everything else. any info or input is greatly appreciated. thanks so much for this sight you are wonderful:)

        • irene August 11, 2011 at 8:15 PM - Reply

          i meant site. lol!

        • digamba September 20, 2011 at 6:53 AM - Reply

          Irene, I just read your comment now and I agree the job situation must be so hard! I would suggest a couple of things: #1 Plan what you’re going to eat for the day and bring it with you. Bring PLENTY of high-protein food and vegetables, not starch. I do this at my office because there is some kind of cookie, pie, cake etc. on the counter every morning. I bring more than I think I’ll need so I don’t get caught with insufficient nutrition. #2 When you’re thinking of eating the free food at work, ask yourself how it helps your body get stronger and healthier. Do you need it, just because it’s free and it smells good? If you worked in a cigarette factory, would you smoke all day because the cigs are free? Of course not, you’re a healthy person! 🙂

          A triathlete friend gave me another tip: decide right now that you’re an athlete and live your life that way. When it’s time to eat, eat the athlete’s food you brought, not the spectator’s food you have to make to make your living. And think of all the time you spend on your feet – free exercise time that office dwellers don’t get! Get a pedometer and just see how many steps you take during that busy day. Go go go!

  6. Evelyn May 10, 2010 at 11:43 AM - Reply

    This is so encouraging for me Erika, you have NO idea…

    I have sets of goals, based on my current health situation. I’m 30 years old and have lost 10 pounds (down from 310+) through exercise and improved food choices.

    My initial goals are:

    1. Take myself out of harm’s way healthwise, strengthen my heart (recovering from cardiomyopathy- an enlarged heart) and improve my breathing and ability to sleep well(I’ve been suffering with sleep apnea for some time now).

    2. Reach under 200 pounds.

    3. Lose enough inches on my waist so that I can be within a healthy waist circumference (less than 35 inches).

    3. Work to get off all medications.

    My next goals will be:

    1. Continue to slim down, work with doctor to determine a healthy/attractive weight for me and work toward that.

    2. Build muscle, bulk up as much as possible in my lower half, slim down in upper half.

    3. Become a pescatarian, then a vegetarian.

    4. Maintain, maintain, maintain, maintain.

    5. Grow my hair natural.

    6. Learn to salsa dance 🙂

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 12:07 PM - Reply


      How did that 10lbs feel? You feel accomplished, don’t you? I hope it inspires you to keep going! You’ve got really detailed goals here, it’s going to take a lot of hard work to get there. A lot of these are so connected that reaching one is going to knock out all of ’em… so I hope you stay focused, too!

      I’ll even put up some salsa dancing videos on the site! That’ll help you out with at least one of ’em! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

    • Crystal December 22, 2010 at 3:06 PM - Reply

      Evelyn, not sure if you’ll check back and read old archived comments but if you do I can help with you going natural. Check out my channel on the YT ‘Vickyvue’ on YouTube. Hints and tips and some of my products I’ve used (not to say you’ll use them) in my journey.

  7. victoria May 10, 2010 at 11:48 AM - Reply

    hello i just joined you on face book a month ago. because i was looking for inspiration to really get started with my weightloss journey. im 270 and im trying to lose weight for health reasons before they start the post and the pictures have been really wonderful keep up to good work i love the post you did on loose skin. but i will like to know about water intake should i do more than 64 ounces because of my weight thank you and god bless

  8. victoria May 10, 2010 at 12:08 PM - Reply

    hi i found you on face book and you have been so wonderful. and this recent picture post of you now has been fantastic.
    im 260 pound and trying to lose weight before health issuses.
    i will like to know whats better weight training or cardio ?
    and should i drink more than 64 ounces since im heavier

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 12:19 PM - Reply

      Thank you, Victoria!

      As for water, 64oz is a good starting point, but you should definitely drink as much as you possibly can, well beyond 64oz. I shoot for a gallon (128oz) a day, personally. Some days I miss my mark, many days I hit it dead on. Maybe that 64oz can be your starting point? 🙂

  9. Elita @ Blacktating May 10, 2010 at 1:09 PM - Reply

    This is so fantastic! You look amazing. I am a new reader to the blog. If I may ask, how much did you lose and how long did it take you to get to your current weight? I have 50 pounds of baby to lose. I’ve already lost 18 pounds but have hit a plateau. What did you do to amp up your weight loss when you hit a plateau? I have been both vegeterian and vegan in the past, but I am not willing to give up meat just yet. But I definitely do a lot of meatless meals and some totally meatless days. This is an inspiration, you have no idea!

    And for Laura…it is very hard to get those work outs in, especially when you have kids. I work out at home. I wake up a little early and do Jillian Michaels DVDs before I leave for work and when I get home, I either hop on my elliptical or do a work out on the Wii or another DVD. I find switching it up every day keeps me from getting bored. My husband and I take turns putting the baby to bed, so as soon as he heads upstairs, I get in my work out clothes. Another thing that helps me is committing to working out every day. I never plan to not work out, I tell myself I have to do it every day, even if it’s only 15 minutes.

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 1:28 PM - Reply


      Altogether, it’s been about 145lbs lost. Whenever I hit a plateau, I simply rewired my eating habits, flipped my workouts around and changed what I was doing for cardio. The body’s job is to make our regular daily tasks easier for us… so it’s quite successful at adapting. We just have to keep fighting that adaptation. 🙂

      And excellent advice for Laura! I’m a huge proponent of fitness DVDs!

      Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  10. Cupcake1993 May 10, 2010 at 12:49 PM - Reply

    I taken My first major step. I went to te Dr and had a full check up. Glad to say nothing is wrong. Except naturally the doctor wants me to lose weight

    • Erika May 10, 2010 at 8:23 PM - Reply

      Good! Now, the next step is your plan of action – where are you going to start first?

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