Print
E-mail
RSS 
17 comments 
Permalink
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Who’s Allowed To Call You Fat?
by Erika Nicole Kendall
One evening my Mother, sister and I sat at the bar in the house, and my Mother couldn’t stop staring at me.
“I’m just so proud of you. You just up and decided that you weren’t going to be big anymore.”
In an effort to not start smelling my own roses, so to speak, I shrugged it off.
“Hey, I would’ve never got moving had you not suggested that I hit the gym that had just opened. I only wish you would’ve done it sooner!”
At this point, my sister chimed in. “Now, you know full well you wouldn’t have listened if someone said to you ‘Hey, you’ve gained some weight.’ You would’ve flipped out!”
I don’t even remember what happened after she said that, because I’m still stuck trying to remember the person I was, and how I would’ve responded. I do remember responding to my mother’s suggestion about hitting the gym with a serious eyeroll (the kind where, if caught, you usually get slapped – grown or not).
So my question to you is, who’s allowed to tell you that you’re putting on the pounds? Even better, who’s not allowed to tell you you’re gaining weight? Have you been there before? Let’s chat!
Note: If you know me, you know there’s something coming behind this… so stay tuned! Check out “Who Do I Allow To Call Me Fat?“
17 Comments
Leave a Reply
A few rules for posting, friends:
- If you are promoting a product, or posting a sales pitch, your comment will be deleted.
- If you are trying to dispute something on the site, you will need more than anecdotal evidence (i.e., "My cousin's friend's uncle's girlfriend's boss did it and it worked!" If you've got books or at least Internet links, then we can talk. Otherwise, you risk your comment not being approved.
- Foul language is discouraged. I'd like people to still be able to read the site at their jobs.
- Disrespecting me or the men and women who post here is also unacceptable. Your comment won't be approved, and you might be banned. (Actually, I've grown to like embarrassing people who behave like they have no home training. Consider yourself warned. :)
- Want an avatar? Quick and easy solution. Visit Gravatar.com and sign up for one!
- Everyone is welcome here. You don't have to be Black, you don't have to be a Girl. I'd prefer you to be human, and I'd prefer you to be kind. We're helping each other, right? :)
- Last, but certainly not least, commenting here is a privilege. Not a matter of "freedom of speech," but a matter of "approved at the discretion of the the owner." It's how I protect our community. Everyone appreciates this until it's their comment on the chopping block. We simply don't have time for foolishness, here. (And please, don't e-mail to complain. I already know you're mad.)
I think people who really have your best intentions at heart are allowed to express their concerns to you about becoming healthier; however, there is a thing called tact! I think that sometimes people think that its okay to say things to you just because of their age or relationship with you, but if you are sensitive like I am, it can come over the wrong way.
—Chanel
I am probably the only one that can truly call me fat and it be okay… yet, when people say I look great from my weight loss then I tend to say “no, I still need to lose 10″ or “I’ll look better this Summer when I tighten up”. they probably think I want more praise but I don’t… I seriously either have a slight case of dysmorphia where I don’t see what they see and I’m conditioned after so many years to simply be unhappy with my body. It is hard for me to get to that point where I can appreciate the success I’ve had to this date!! great question:)
—Heather Morris
Nobody better say nothing to me thats just plan rude.
—Helena
My father has a bad habit of calling the women in his life fat all the time. My mother and sisters are both overweight. I, too, rolled my eyes on my last visit home after being told I had packed on a few. My mother agreed, and I promptly gave her ‘the people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones speech.’ I know with my family it comes from a “generally” helpful place, but I wasn’t trying to hear it.
When my boyfriend asked what he could do to support my weight loss goals, I was offended that he didn’t love me, extra pounds and all. In short, it does no one any good to say anything to me, until I agree
—Dee Bell
i’d rather not have anyone call me fat except for me. I decide when I need to hit the gym and i decide when and if i am happy with how I look.
I really hated it when people would ask me if I was pregnant just because I had put on weight–the problem is that when ppl say you’re fat they often aren’t saying it out of love…they’re saying it according to their own idea of what an acceptable or healthy weight is and projecting it onto you–or at least that’s my experience.
the thing is, fat or overweight people KNOW they’re fat or overweight. I’ve been unemployed for 2 months and I know i’ve put on at least 10-15 pounds. I really don’t need anyone to tell me that as if it will jumpstart me to do what only I can decide to do for myself.
—elledub
It never fails. *smh smile* When I lost nearly 50lbs (still had a few to go) my sister would say they I was loosing too much. When I started gaining the weight back (20lbs due to health issues) she said I was getting fat. I’ve always been smaller than her so I never understood it really.
I am only trying to please myself. What I do shouldn’t be so important for anyone else, right? There’s no way I can conduct MY life/ looks for anyone’s approval. Save the criticism! Don’t need it.
No one should be allowed to use anything hurtful against you. Some people don’t mind being called fat, some are 50/ 50, others feel extremely hurt. You can never tell…just like you can never tell if the person saying it is trying to squeeze one in for their own pride/ pleasure.
—Dwana
fat…nobody. make comments about my weight…significant other (if present) & parents although in the past they have been insensitive about how they go about it. i think i would tolerate it from other family members more easily after I have decided to do something about it, not before.
—PhluffyPrincess
Nobody really. I hated hearing it from my dad, because I used to want to be a reporter, and you know just about every female tv reporter you see is a skinny minnie. So everytime I talked to him, he’d say “you gotta do something about your weight, you gotta do something about your weight”
Now I’m hearing it from an already annoying acquaintance, who has to tell everyone what she’s doing and that they should do the exact same thing she did. Every time I see her, she has to tell me how she lost 26 pounds in 1 month on the South Beach diet, and that I should do it too, and that she wants to give me her old clothes that are too big (she had lap band surgery almost a year ago)
Yeah I know I’m fat, I just haven’t completely reached the last straw, yet. I recently lost 17 pounds on a fad diet, but I’m trying to find a more sane, easier way to lose the weight, and keep it off. And don’t NOBODY betta say NOTHING, LOL!
—Frankie1882
Honestly, though I may dislike hearing it, I think my family and friends should be allowed to call me fat. I’ll tell you why. As I’ve stated before (maybe not here, but on my blog or Twitter), I didn’t really notice the weight gain. I knew it was creeping up, but I still looked (in my mind) pretty good. When people started making comments, inclusive of a student that had absolutely NO tact whatsoever, I took stock in what they were saying and decided that I needed to do something about it.
While we may dislike hearing it, sometimes we have to take those opinions into consideration. I was flouncing around with my “You can’t tell me nothing” face on, when in reality, I was getting thicker than a Snicker! Hearing it snapped me out of my bubble. Did the comments sting a little? Of course. Did I immediately spring into action? Not really. However, it still resonated with me that I needed to do something. And that’s exactly what I’m doing these days!
Now, if a stranger just walked up and called me fat, there might be a problem, but I’ll take the words of my friends and family into consideration.
—Tracy
Honestly, anyone who loves me had better tell me if I’m picking up weight. It’s a lot easier to lose 10lbs than 100lbs. My best friend and I live by the motto, “friends don’t let friends get fat”. We have a rule that we are allowed to 100 percent real about our weight with one another. With that being said, there’s a way to say it. I would never say, “Hey you’re fat.” That’s rude and not helpful. I will say, “You don’t seem like yourself anymore. You’re not excercising and you’re eating stuff you used to avoid like a plague. Is something going on? Can I help?” That comes from a place of love.
—winnie
I wish to God one of my friends or family members had had the courage to tell me I needed to do something about my weight a few years ago. My mother made vague suggestions about excercising and eating better, and she always supported me the many times I said I was going to lose weight before I actually did it. But she’s big herself, as are my two sisters. My father, who is a a health nut and in TOP physical shape, told me on a few occasions that if I followed his advice, I could have the body I wanted. But he never said “You are too big”, because he never wanted to hurt my feelings and he didn’t see me often because I was away at school.
That leaves my friends at college who watched me get bigger. And I understand why they didn’t say anything (for starters, it happened gradually and I wasn’t slim when they met me). Now that most of the excess weight is gone, everyone is all “OMG, you look great”, but I can’t help but to wish someone had remarked on my weight before. But that’s easy to say on the other side of the fence…
—Sister Toldja
Interesting post…hmmm Who is allowed to call you fat? Fat is not a bad thing it’s just a description, so I say it depends on the person. Many do not want to be called fat and others don’t mind. I’ll say this: if you can call me fat, then I can call you skinny.
I am not “too big” (no pun) on the “fat” and “skinny” labels being used as a measurement of good health. Therefore, everyone has a right to their opionion but it does not make it “right”.
—Hidi
I agree with Chanel. There is such a thing called tact. My now ex-husband, told me that if my weight got out of control he would have nothing to do with me. Needless to say I threw his behind out. At the time I was taking care of his sick mother, partially paralyzed father ,supporting him building a barbershop business, dealing with his lazy 50 yr old brother and taking care of our household. I didn’t have any time for myself. Needless to say once, I dropped him and all the drama he brought to the marriage. I loss weight. Can you say no more stress and drama?
LOL!
—Zee
I fall in the “I wish someone had said something” category. I put on a lot of weight in college, mostly just from partying too much (never bothering to find out how many calories were in a rum and coke – or six!) and eating crappy dorm food then crappy poor and lazy student food. I didn’t notice – or was in denial – about how much weight I’d gained until I looked in the mirror one day (something I’d been doing less and less) and suddenly noticed red gashes on my stomach – it took googling to realise they were stretch marks! I was surrounded by great friends and family who were loving and caring, but even though it might have stung, really I wish one of them had – gently – suggested not ordering pizza and going for a walk…
—Jem
1) People who dislike me and call me fat to insult me.
That’s pretty much the only people who cal call me fat; they can say whatever they want, actually. As far as people who can comment on my weight… they should be in decent shape or on their way to decent shape and under 65 (because I don’t expect grandma to start training in the gym). If anyone comments on my weight (even in a tactful manner) and it hurts me… it probably should hurt.
—icwatudid
My friends and I have been known to call each other fat (playfully of course), so we’ll say that including myself, they are the only ones who can rag on me about my size. A majority of the females I hang with are overweight anyway, so it doesn’t feel hurtful when coming out the mouth of someone who is in the same boat as you (maybe). Thankfully most of us have gotten started on our very own weight loss journeys.
The one person who does manage to get under my skin with weight issues though is my father. I’ve been big nearly my entire 24 years of living, and have always heard negative or quasi-meant to be nice but still offensive-comments. He’s told me (several times in the past) that I’d, ‘Be more attractive…’ and, ‘would have guys knocking down the door to get to me’ if I ever lost X-amount of weight. I’m guessing his heart was in the right place, and perhaps he thought he’d motivate me to lose weight by giving me the impression that I’d instantly become something of a sex symbol by just striving to make my body better.
…You know what that did for me? The opposite. I clung to my emotional eating to fill the void of not being that attractive, ’cause a traffic jam just to have a look at ‘cha’ girl as I was.
Most of the comments have [Thankfully] stopped since I made a change for all the RIGHT reasons, though there’s still the occasional, ‘There’s less of you now!’ statement thrown around. Ugh.
—Dominique
My mom used to tell me I was fat, but the way she did it made me NOt want to do anything about it. I would ask her for lunch money, she would say no, I could stand to skip a meal. Years of being denied food, made me a food hoarder. I would eat all the food I could when offered because until i could pay for my own food I had no control on if we would have groceries or not. Or I would have to dig in the couch for change to go buy acan of ravioli (all you can really buy for $1.25 at the corner store). It wasn’t until i got on a scale at a yearly physical and I was 301 that I was like $!!!!. Then i started trying to loose weight. I look back at pictures ( I’m only down 70 lbs) and I’m like WHY didn’t anyone tell me I looked like that? But you’re right the way someone tells you or brings it up is the only way you will ever accept it. It has to be the right time moment and person. Obviously my mom was not the right person.. but I often wish my sister, my brother, my close friends would have said something to me sooner.
—Hadiya W