, Body Image, Standards of Black BeautyQuick Quote: “I Remember a Time When I, Too, Felt Unbeautiful”

Quick Quote: “I Remember a Time When I, Too, Felt Unbeautiful”

The following speech was given at ESSENCE Magazine’s Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon:

I wrote down this speech that I had no time to practice so this will be the practicing session. Thank you Alfre, for such an amazing, amazing introduction and celebration of my work. And thank you very much for inviting me to be a part of such an extraordinary community. I am surrounded by people who have inspired me, women in particular whose presence on screen made me feel a little more seen and heard and understood. That it is ESSENCE that holds this event celebrating our professional gains of the year is significant, a beauty magazine that recognizes the beauty that we not just possess but also produce.

I want to take this opportunity to talk about beauty, black beauty, dark beauty. I received a letter from a girl and I’d like to share just a small part of it with you: “Dear Lupita,” it reads, “I think you’re really lucky to be this black but yet this successful in Hollywood overnight. I was just about to buy Dencia’s Whitenicious cream to lighten my skin when you appeared on the world map and saved me.”

My heart bled a little when I read those words, I could never have guessed that my first job out of school would be so powerful in and of itself and that it would propel me to be such an image of hope in the same way that the women of The Color Purple were to me.

I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful. I put on the TV and only saw pale skin, I got teased and taunted about my night-shaded skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned. The morning would come and I would be so excited about seeing my new skin that I would refuse to look down at myself until I was in front of a mirror because I wanted to see my fair face first. And every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I was the day before. I tried to negotiate with God, I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted, I would listen to my mother’s every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter. But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips because He never listened.

And when I was a teenager my self-hate grew worse, as you can imagine happens with adolescence. My mother reminded me often that she thought that I was beautiful but that was no conservation, she’s my mother, of course she’s supposed to think I am beautiful. And then … Alek Wek. A celebrated model, she was dark as night, she was on all of the runways and in every magazine and everyone was talking about how beautiful she was. Even Oprah called her beautiful and that made it a fact. I couldn’t believe that people were embracing a woman who looked so much like me, as beautiful. My complexion had always been an obstacle to overcome and all of a sudden Oprah was telling me it wasn’t. It was perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy. But a flower couldn’t help but bloom inside of me, when I saw Alek I inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I could not deny. Now, I had a spring in my step because I felt more seen, more appreciated by the far away gatekeepers of beauty. But around me, the preference for my skin prevailed, to the courters that I thought mattered I was still unbeautiful. And my mother again would say to me you can’t eat beauty, it doesn’t feed you and these words plagued and bothered me; I didn’t really understand them until finally I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be.

And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul. It is what got Patsey in so much trouble with her master, but it is also what has kept her story alive to this day. We remember the beauty of her spirit even after the beauty of her body has faded away.

And so I hope that my presence on your screens and in the magazines may lead you, young girl, on a similar journey. That you will feel the validation of your external beauty but also get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside.

There is no shade to that beauty.

This speech was delivered by none other than Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o.

Nyong'o's Oscar night gown; credit: Tom and Lorenzo. Click the photo to view more!

Nyong’o’s Oscar night gown; credit: Tom and Lorenzo. Click the photo to view more!

Go’n head, girl.

(h/t Vulture)

By | 2017-06-10T11:22:54+00:00 August 22nd, 2014|Beauty, Body Image, Standards of Black Beauty|7 Comments

About the Author:

The proud leader of the #bgg2wlarmy, Erika Nicole Kendall writes food and fitness, body image and beauty, and more here at #bgg2wl. After losing over 150lbs, Kendall became a personal trainer certified in fitness nutrition, women's fitness, and weight loss by the National Academy of Sports Medicine. She is also certified in sports nutrition by Precision Nutrition. She now lives in New York with her husband and children, and is working on her 6th and 7th certifications because she likes having alphabet soup at the end of her name.


  1. Young One March 6, 2014 at 2:00 PM - Reply

    And that is a beautiful speech. 🙂

  2. Kala March 6, 2014 at 11:13 PM - Reply

    This is such a good speech. I shall listen to this over and over again.

  3. Laura March 9, 2014 at 3:00 AM - Reply

    Love her; love this speech. This is everything.

  4. Carrie March 11, 2014 at 8:28 AM - Reply

    That woman has learned many lessons at a very age. Such wisdom already!

  5. Caroline Combs March 12, 2014 at 6:06 AM - Reply

    Beautiful! Both the speech and the speaker. What a lovely girl.

  6. Danielle Hughes March 12, 2014 at 6:32 AM - Reply

    This is the first time I am hearing (and reading) this speech. 3 words. WOW! BLOWN AWAY!:)

  7. Babs September 16, 2014 at 9:15 PM - Reply

    I love Lupita, but I hate how now people are “starting” to recognize black beauty. White people I know would just randomly tell me, “Isn’t Lupita just so beautiful?” I would then get a quizzical look on my face because I’m wondering why they’re telling me this. Yes I agree, but it’s not much of an importance to me. DAMNIT EVERYONE’S BEAUTIFUL, don’t need to tell me that. Her speech was amazing, though, and I could relate to her issues with being a dark skinned black woman. I’m still suffering from those demons from time to time, especially when it’s usually a lighter-skinned black woman in the media. Come on, no love for the darker folk? (add weight/dating issues on top of that).

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