Yeah… I’ll never pick up another glass again.

…good grief, man.

While the numbers are not official counts – counts that we can expect to see three days before the apocalypse, which is to say “we will never get calorie counts for drinks” – they’re still a bit of a painful reminder that drinks are “not your friend.”

Remember – the calories listed are per every 12oz, which is literally a cup and a half. And, while I don’t know anyone who’s drinking Bailey’s straight, I do faintly recall people who drink Bailey’s rarely being satisfied with one drink. (Remember, I’m a former bartender. I know how y’all drink!)

Also worth noting, this doesn’t include many of people’s favorite mixers – pineapple juice, orange juice, cranberry juice (which is rarely unsweetened), – and you can generally expect that to add approximately 100 calories to a 12oz glass of a mixed drink with ice.

I won’t even talk about you people who line your drink rims with sugar. I just… I won’t.

I’m just gonna go be sad, somewhere.